I didn't fall asleep that night. I listened to the sound of icy rain hitting the roof or Harry snoring or the TV, anything to take my mind off of my mum. Needless to say, nothing worked.

At three in the morning, I got a call from my best friend, Clara.

"Marilyn, love, I heard about your mum and I am so, so, so sorry!" she said as soon as I answered.

Her voice alone almost made me smile.

I had known her since we were both six. Her mum was a single parent, as well so the two of our mums talked while we went on play dates and stuff like that. It was an idealistic friendship that not even college had separated.

"Yeah. We found out early yesterday," I said immediately choking up.

"I would be with you, but the roads are so icy and some of them are shut down."

"Don't worry about it. Harry's obviously here and his family may be coming by tomorrow, well today, so I'll be alright."

"I don't believe that for a second, but as soon as I can, I'll be with you."

"Okay, well I'll let you go. It's really late, even for you!"

"I know! Get some rest. Bye, love you!"

I hung up the phone and went to the bathroom. I looked in the mirror and was disgusted with my appearance. My hair was greasy and my eyes had bags underneath them. It had only been one day and I already looked like a horror film character.

I jumped into the shower, hoping not to wake Harry up.

The shower water stung my skin and no temperature felt right. The feeling of soap on my body felt gross and having shampoo in my hair felt too heavy. Everything felt wrong and out of place. Everything that I hadn't thought twice about doing the day before seemed like such a struggle.

I got out of the shower and put my robe on.

After I was dry, I decided to drive around town.

I put on some old sweatpants and a shirt, enough to keep me warm. I left Harry a note letting him know why I was gone and that I had my phone with me if he needed me.

I got into the 2003 model SUV and turned on the radio. Nothing but static played, but I didn't change it. The static sounded nice to me.

I drove past a bunch of shops and cafés that weren't lit and some that were. The street lights reflected off of the wet roads and petrol station lights brought color to the mostly dark streets.

I had to turn around a few times because of the pesky road blocks that Clara had told me about, but they didn't ruin the state of mind I was in.

I wasn't happy, but I wasn't as sad as I had been. The beauty of the lack of life on the streets made me think. Even though people die and no one really understands it, it can be a beautiful thing.

There could be a light at the end of the tunnel for everyone. My mum was killed and that was the most unfair thing I had ever known, but what if she saw her life flash before her eyes and was happy about at least half of it. What if she forgave my father in the last seconds of her time on Earth? What if she whispered an "I love you, Marilyn," before she slipped into unconsciousness?

The possibilities made me cry, but not the sad kind of cry, the hopeful kind.

I had been driving for two hours before I decided to go back home. Some of the cafés were opening and more lights were coming on, which just ruined my whole mood.

When I got back, Harry was still asleep.

I decided to wake him up. It was selfish. Just because I couldn't sleep didn't mean he had to be sleep deprived too, but I wanted him to listen to me and hold me and tell me that everything was fine. I needed that.

"Harry," I whispered into his ear.

He didn't wake up. I shook his shoulders.

"I'm sorry!" he screamed, jumping off of the couch.

"What?"

"Bad dream. Sorry."

"It's okay."

My stomach growled. I didn't feel like eating, but my body still wanted it.

"You're going to have to eat," Harry said wiping the sleep out of his eye.

I nodded.

"I can make you a bowl of cereal or you can have some leftover spaghetti from a couple nights ago. I was going to go to the store before you woke up, but I guess you didn't sleep," he said opening and shutting cabinet doors.

"Cereal is fine."

He starting fixing me a bowl of cereal in the kitchen. I came up behind him and kissed his shoulder through his shirt.

"I'm glad you've decided to eat again," he said resting his head on mine, "even though it's 5 a.m."

I felt bad for waking him up, but I didn't want to be alone anymore. I had been alone for 9 hours and I couldn't take it any longer. He understood though.

He handed me my bowl and I sat down on the couch with it. It didn't taste good.

"This is gross," I told him.

"Everything's going to taste gross because you don't want to eat it."

I sighed and continued to put spoonfuls of Special K in my mouth.

Harry sat down beside me and put his arm around me.

"I'm proud of you," he said rubbing my back.

"Is your mum still coming later?" I asked after swallowing.

"I don't know if it would be a good idea. Are you sure you're ready to deal with people? It's only been a day."

I hadn't thought of it like that. My mood was off and I could break down with his mother over.

I loved his mum though. Surrounding myself with people I loved wouldn't overwhelm me.

"She can come."

"Alright. I'll wait a little bit before I call her, okay?"

He pinched my cereal filled cheek.

Within minutes, my bowl was empty and my stomach was full.

"Thank you, babe." I said.

I didn't like to think about how I would've coped without Harry. He went out of his way to help me.

We waited until 9 to call his mum. While we waited I told him all about what the 3 a.m. drive taught me. I ended up in his lap, sobbing into his chest.

He whispered nice things in my ear and promised that my mum did love me.

"People think of love differently. Maybe your mum just thought that you already knew that she loved you. Like, she thought it was an understood thing. That may be what she thought love was, an understood thing," he told me.

__________________

His mum said that she would be at our flat at 10.

Him and I cleaned up the best that we could, not that she would judge us if we had a messy house.

We made our bed and emptied the dishwasher. We plugged in the Christmas lights and dusted the television stand.

I put on some decent clothes too. Well, jeans and a less ratty t-shirt.

Harry opened the door when his mum knocked.

"Hello loves!" she said cheerily.

Harry hugged his mum and she hugged him back.

She was always what I wanted my mother to be like. She picked Harry and I up once because our car broke down. She made him cookies because he was poorly and I burned the ones I attempted to bake. She let us borrow her ironing board to iron Harry's shirt that he was wearing to her own wedding. She always there for him if he needed her.

"What are these?" Harry asked, ponting to the bags on her wrists.

"Just some goodies for the two of you, well mainly you Marilyn. I know it's going to be hard so I brought some things that you and I have talked about you liking."

"Thank you so much. You didn't have to do that," I said taking the bags from her and hugging her.

"I wanted to. It's really no problem."

I took the bags to the bedroom and had a quick peak before I joined our guest in the lving room. The three bags were filled with movies, pajama pants, sweeties, and scrapbooks that she had made for Harry and I.

The presents made me want to cry, well techincally everything did, because of the thought Anne had put into them.

Harry and his mum were sitting on the couch and talking when I got back in there. I didn't want to interrupt so I made the three of us some hot tea. Anne was probably cold from being out in the icy rain and Harry just liked tea.

"I made tea," I said carrying the three mugs.

"Thank you, love," Anne said, taking the steaming hot tea from my hands.

I handed Harry his cup and sat beside him. He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and kissed my temple. Anne was okay with PDA, as long it was the "cute and subtle" kind.

"So, do you guys have any plans for Christmas?" Anne asked.

I really hadn't thought about it yet. Harry and I had been worried about other things and hadn't even paid attention to the fact that we had no plans for Christmas. We hadn't even bought presents yet.

"Mum, it's not a good time to ask that," Harry warned.

Her smile immediately dropped.

"I'm sorry."

"No, it's okay. I guess we should go ahead and start thinking about it," I said rubbing Harry's knee.

Anne told the two of us about everything. She had painted her dining room a new color because she was getting tired of the old one. Robin was recovering quite well from his back surgery. Everything that had happened to her in the past month, she told us.

We told her quite a bit about our life as well, minus the death of my mum.

She left a an hour before dark. I was exhausted from lack of sleep. I felt like talking to Anne made me tired too.

Harry and I got into bed early that night, but I wasn't going to sleep anyways.

"At least try to sleep, okay?" Harry said rolling over in bed to face me.

"I will."

He kissed me quickly on the lips. I rested my head on his chest and fumbled with the hem of his shirt.

"You drive me mad, Marilyn Lee."