^^Above, chapter title credit: Song by Soft Cell.^^

{Raina}

It's not very often that I get late-night visitors, if at all. So it surprises me when I hear a heavy knocking on my dorm room door. El, fortunately, is out at the time, so I don't have to explain to her what I see when I open it. In the hallway is Geoff, with blood on his face, glass shards on his clothes, and a glazed look in his eyes. Behind him stands Matt, looking like it's taking everything he's got to keep him upright. I can see something terrible's happened, just by the befuddled, stricken look on both their faces.

"Geoff...?" I get out before he stumbles forward, swaying dangerously, and pulls me into a clumsy embrace. That puts me off-balance, and we land in a heap on the floor. I catch Matt flashing a grin, but I only roll my eyes at him and turn my attention back to Geoff.

"Thank God, Raina," Geoff says, his voice slurred. "Thank God...that was horrible..."

"What happened?" I untangle myself from his grasp to look at him. He has a rapidly darkening bruise on his cheekbone, and streaks of blood on the rest of his face. He looks like he's been in a fight.

"Ridley." Geoff rolls on his back to meet my eyes. "He was..."

"We should get you cleaned up first," I say when he trails off, glancing up at Matt. "You wouldn't mind terribly, would you?"

Matt enters the room, hoisting Geoff partway up and dumping him on my bed. Then he ducks out for a second, coming back with a few wet paper towels. I thank him and then slide on the bed next to Geoff, carefully wiping away the blood. I don't even notice Matt leaving until I hear the door close.

"You gave me a scare back there, Geoff." I notice the blood's not coming out of him anywhere, which is good. "Looking like that, and everything."

"Ridley's fault," he says, blinking slowly. "He hit me...ouch."

"Sorry." I pull away.

"'S okay." His voice is much quieter now, and he seems to relax every time I touch him. "Hurts there. That's all."

"Want to tell me what happened?" I ask after I've finished.

Haltingly, he recounts it. Ridley had apparently set up a lab in a condemned house out in the woods. He took Geoff out there to show him some new chemical he'd developed, and he was using a young girl for his first subject. Apparently it can take away a super's powers, if you can prove they're supers first. When he gets to that part, he shakes his head, but I think I know what he wants to say. Whoever has access to this weapon doesn't care about that. It took a scuffle and some punches to get the girl out and escape, but that at least explains the bruise.

"Never seen him that way, Raina," he says, his brow furrowing as he rubs his eyes. "So...calm. Like...he does this all the time."

"He probably does," I answer with a shudder, because just thinking about the way he was around me sends a chill up my spine. Aggressively flirtatious at first, but when that failed, he went for more backstabbing measures. Like drawing my boyfriend away from me. But I already know I won't let that happen. The harder he tries to pull Geoff away, the harder I'll hold on.

"I don't want anything to happen to you," he says, suddenly turning to me and cupping my cheek. The sedative seems to be wearing off now, because he's sitting up a little straighter and his eyes are clearer.

"It won't, Geoff, really—"

"I know Ridley well enough now." His other hand comes up to catch my other cheek. "I know enough about him to see he's got malicious intent. Especially when it comes to..."

"Me?" I feel my pulse speeding up, and my breath coming shorter. He's so close to me I feel his breath on my skin. I want him to kiss me so badly, even though I don't know where I've gotten that idea in the last few seconds. "He doesn't want me. He just wants to use me to get to you. I know. I won't let him."

He shakes his head. "No, no, not that. Supers. He wants to control them. And he wants me to help him do it."

"You think so?" I ask quietly. "What did you tell him?"

"Nothing yet," he says, in the same tone. "But I can show him just as well."

And then, miraculously, unbelievably, wonderfully, he's kissing me. My heart pounds against my ribs, so frantically it feels like it's trying to escape. I feel my breath catch as his lips move against mine, gently encouraging me to kiss him back. At that I break away long enough to get into a more comfortable position — facing him, with my knees straddling his hips — and I do. He grunts with surprise, his hands fisting in my shirt and pulling me closer. I wrap my arms around his neck, and his hands move up to my hair, plunging deep into it.

And then somehow, he's laying me down, propping himself on his elbows so he won't crush me, attacking my mouth again with his. I surrender and let him, pulling him down so his body touches mine. He groans, deep in the back of his throat, running one of his hands down the length of my body. No one's ever touched me that way before, and I shiver, sighing into his mouth. I want him to keep doing it. The heat that his hand leaves in its wake is delicious and addictive, and I never want him to stop.

But suddenly, his hand slips up again, under my shirt, tripping over one of my cigarette burns. I gasp and pull away, squirming out from under him and tumbling to the floor. Tears jump to my eyes at the reminder of my father, burning them into my skin.

"Raina?" He seems shocked, his eyes searching my face. "What happened? Did I hurt you?"

I shake my head, shoving two knuckles between my teeth. I taste blood a second later.

"What is it?" He makes to get up.

"Don't!" I cry, my voice breaking. "Don't...don't come any closer..."

"Okay." He sits on the edge of the bed, hands up. "I won't."

I try to think of the best way to break this news. I hadn't intended him to find out like this, with me crying and pacing in front of him. But I can't stand still, and not for the first time I wish I could escape my body, escape the memory of Dad's groping hands and cigarette scars just for a second. When I realize I can't, I burst into tears, covering my face and turning away.

His arms slide around me a second later, and this time I don't resist, curling into him and burying my face in his sweater. He doesn't say anything, just holds me and lets me cry. Finally, when I've calmed down enough to speak, he loosens his grip.

"You can tell me, Raina," he says, resting his cheek on my hair. "Or you don't have to. It's up to you."

"No, Geoff, it's..." I have to take a deep breath before continuing. "It's time you knew."

"Time I knew what?" He sounds confused.

"Let me go for a second, and I'll show you."

He does, and I have to turn away and close my eyes, just to think for a moment. I've never told anyone, not even El, about this. Then, in one movement, I grasp the hem of my shirt and pull it off, over my head. When I turn back around, I hear Geoff inhale sharply.

"What the hell...?" His eyes travel over my scars, but he seems reluctant to even come near me. "What are those from?"

"Cigarettes," I say. "My father's."

"Your dad..." His brow furrows. "He did this to you?"

I nod, biting my lip. I'm never sure of what anyone's reaction will be to this kind of thing, so I usually don't bother. "Every time I got in trouble."

"Trouble? What kind?"

"Any kind."

"Jesus," he says through an exhale, running one hand over his face.

"I know." I pull my shirt back on, covering the scars again, always covering them.

"He was kind of a scary guy, I'm guessing?" Geoff folds his arms, his jaw tight.

I nod. "Yeah, that's one word for it."

"Look, Raina, I'm sorry. I didn't know. I didn't mean—"

"You don't have to apologize for that, Geoff." I'm afraid to traverse the distance between us, because even though it's only a matter of inches, it feels like miles. "Ignorance is bliss, as they say."

"But I don't want to be ignorant anymore," he says with conviction. "Here you are, trying to hide this secret from everybody, hoping no one notices you, and I don't even care enough to ask first before...whatever that was."

"You kissed me, Geoff. There's nothing wrong with that." I feel a blush rising up into my cheeks. "I liked it, actually."

"You...you did?" he says, surprised.

I nod. "I've never been kissed before."

"So...then...I...you...I can kiss you? Whenever?"

My blush deepens. "Well...not whenever, but...more often would be nice."

"I was hoping you'd say that."

Then he takes my hand and pulls me towards him, catching my face and kissing me again. This time, when his hand slides up to touch my skin, I let it stay there.

≈

"Well, you're positively glowing today," El says when I join her for breakfast the next morning.

She's right, of course — I feel like I'm glowing. I feel like I'm lighting up the whole world. Geoff kissing me only affirms that yes, he actually does love me. And that he doesn't care what baggage I have. I hadn't told him yet about Dad touching me in ways I don't care to revisit. That, just like everything else, is going to have to wait.

"Thanks, El," I say with a smile. I've never felt this light. It's a wonderful thing.

She squints at me. "Who are you and what have you done with my roommate?"

"What, you didn't think I was capable of smiling?"

"No, I just..." She shakes her head, a corner of her mouth pulling up. "It's about last night, isn't it?"

"Last night?" I say with a little too much force, and she leans back.

"Whoa, girl, it's okay. I just know the look of somebody who's had their first kiss."

"Yeah...sorry." I squeeze my eyes shut. I have to get a hold of myself.

"So?" She nudges my hand. "Was he good?"

I blush, concentrating on my plate. "I don't kiss and tell, El."

"You're telling me," she says, rolling her eyes. "Come on, Rains. It's Geoff Cromwell. My whole life would be a lie if you told me he doesn't kiss well."

"He...does," I say after a while. I want to feel it again. I would let him take my shirt off and touch my skin, even. Because now we both know the truth, and it's not just mine to hide.

"Good for you, Rains, good for you." She takes my hand and squeezes it, winking and deepening my blush. "He's lucky to have you."

I nod, but say nothing. If anything, it was the other way around. He was mine, and I wasn't so humble to admit it. He wanted me over all the other girls, any of which he could have had. And he was my Geoff. He was mine, I was his, and we didn't have to share with anyone.

"Hold up," El says suddenly, sitting straighter. "Look who's coming."

I turn and look over my shoulder. Approaching us is that tall redheaded kid Geoff had introduced me to once, and who'd gotten me out of the haunted house. It's Jake.

"Jacob," El says, and I've never heard her voice so cold.

"Hey, El," he replies, but I see his manner get much more skittish after he catches her eye.

"Jake?" I alert him to my presence, and he seems to come back to himself.

"Raina. Just the girl I was looking for." He grins crookedly. "I hear you and my buddy Geoff are an item now."

My blush is back, and so is my fidgeting. "Oh...really? Who told you that?"

"A little birdie called Matt," he says, and winks. "Listen, I wanted to personally invite you to our welcome dinner, to get the new guys of the frat all acquainted. If you want, you can come as Geoff's plus-one. I'm sure he'd like that. The rest of us would too."

"Yes," I say without thinking. "Sure. I'll come."

"Awesome." Jake gives me a masculine punch on the shoulder. "Totally looking forward to you two lighting up the floor."

"Yeah. Me too." I notice the look on El's face, and suddenly guilt begins to bubble in my stomach.

After he leaves, she seems much less inclined to talk to me than before.

"Well, he wasted no time, did he?" She stabs her scrambled eggs with more force than necessary.

"El, I wasn't expecting it either, it just kind of happened—"

"Yeah, I bet that's what Geoff said after last night," she snaps.

"Wait a second. You were happy for me before this!" I feel suddenly betrayed, like she'd been faking it or something.

"That was before the High-and-Mighty Jake came over and asked you to dinner." She curls her lip. "Seems to like you well enough."

"El, he wouldn't even know me if Geoff hadn't started dating me."

"Well, that's kind of a moot point now, isn't it?" She drops her fork with a clatter. "Enjoy yourself at his dinner party. I'm sure Geoff'll get to third base there."

"El!" That remark cuts deep, something I didn't know she was capable of doing. "It's not like that!"

"Yeah, whatever," she says coldly before getting up from the table and leaving me sitting there alone.

I find myself unable to concentrate or even think straight the rest of the day. I have the sinking feeling I'd just lost my only friend.

≈

I manage to track down Matt after classes that day, coming out of the humanities building. He's with Geoff, and that distracts me for a minute – but my argument with El comes back and refocuses my intent.

"Matt!"

He stops, turns slowly on his heel. "Hey, Raina."

"You told Jake about us?" I drop my voice, ignoring Geoff standing nearby. "Why?"

"They're both my brothers now. How could I not?" He seems confused.

"I'd rather you didn't, okay?" El's comment about third base runs through my mind, making my chest ache. "I had a fight with El about it."

"Really? When?" He glances over at Geoff, and then back at me.

"This morning. After Jake invited us to that dinner he's hosting."

Matt shakes his head. "I didn't think it'd get out—"

"Well, it did, didn't it?" I snap. "Just mind your own business next time, okay?"

Then I whirl on my heel and march off, but I don't get far before someone grabs my elbow.

"Raina, wait." Geoff's voice.

"What?" I round on him, my pain and anger seemingly taking no prisoners today.

"It's not Matt's fault. It's mine. I told him that I kissed you last night, and he must have blown it way out of proportion when he told Jake. He was making such a big deal about it when I mentioned it—"

"Don't, then!" I'm not mad about the kiss. It's about what happened afterward, although no one but Geoff and I know about that. "You don't have to share everything, you know!"

"Raina, stop." Geoff cups my face in his hands. "I'm sorry, okay? I cost you your friend, and I'll explain it all to her, if you want. But if you blame anyone, blame me."

"Oh, Geoff..." I shake my head. My emotions are so complicated right now, it's hard to tell what I feel. So I pull back and slap him, hard, across the face. Then I grab his chin, turning his face towards me, and kiss him on the lips. It's only when I turn away and walk as quickly as I can in the opposite direction that I start crying. And this time, I have no idea why.

≈

It takes most of the next day for El to finally talk to me again. She finds me sitting on my bed in our room, leafing through my Econ textbook without reading it. First forward, and then backward, then forward again.

"Rains?" she says, sitting down on her bed opposite me.

I close my eyes, exhaling. "What?"

"I wanted to apologize for what I said yesterday. I overreacted, and I'm sorry."

"It's fine, El, I just—"

She shakes her head. "Rains, you don't have to pretend you're okay. Lanie told me she heard somebody crying in the bathroom last night, and...when you said you were going to shower and never came back, I realized what I'd done."

I sigh. The RA on our floor, Lanie, had lips that were a little too loose for my liking. But I instantly respect her in that moment, because otherwise I don't know how long it would have taken for El to come back around.

"It's not about you," El says, her expression sheepish. "It's Jake. Our parents' business partnership goes back a long way, but that stopped when his dad embezzled money from mine."

"Your parents know each other?" I ask, too surprised to be angry.

"Yeah. I even went to elementary school with Jake. But what I'm trying to say is that I was mad at him, and I took it out on you. It was unfair of me to say that."

I slump back into the pillows. "And I got mad at Matt for no reason."

A smile tugs at El's mouth. "Benson? That I understand. He's positively infuriating at times."

"Really? I never noticed."

El grins at that. "Is Raina Hardy actually using sarcasm on me?"

I find myself grinning back. "I guess I did."

El slaps her palms against her knees a couple times, standing up. "C'mon. What do you say we get some coffee or something? It's frigid outside."