This story will be long & it's an X reader so don't worry about it being an OC insert, I don't write those. Hope you enjoy Red.

Days always start out like this. A fleet of random actions & plethoras of unnecessary thoughts. Days usually go like this. Distorted recollections of faces & blurry perspectives of the world. The day went by like this. Weeks go by like this. Months & years & decades, all of them go by like this. Regardless of such doubtful & ubiquitous attitudes, the world remains in a constant state of change. Change that either barely affects or greatly affects an individual's life. She would ponder this. Whether that constant state of change would ultimately affect her eventually. Perhaps not. Did it matter? She thought not. She thought lots of things. She thought her apartment was fairly small regardless of its square footage. She thought her hair was too coarse even though she used conditioner in every shower. She thought she was mundane even though all her friends told her she was like no friend they had met before. She also thought that the world was taking its time on her. Reality seemed to be out of reach for her. Externally was more constant than internally. The world's state of change was like her own state of change. What she did only affected herself, though. Figuration argues that she was just really pessimistic. That, or depressed. Neither were true. She was only honest with how she perceived things. Maybe that's why this walk of hers was so gloomy. The rain practically butchered her umbrella, shooting itself into the soft fabric, allowing her ears to soak up a noise that brought her contempt feelings. The rain was therapeutic in terms of her thoughts. It drowned them out. She liked that. She liked that she didn't have to think when it rained. Where it rained was paradise. No thoughts, only sound. The rain still poured. It echoed & echoed. The droplets fell between her fingers, splashing into soaked concrete. The feeling of water penetrating her skin gave her chills. What looked like a histrionic scene, was really a therapy session. Mouth open only slightly, hair disheveled, skin flushed with the bite of cold, her clothes damp with the tears of the sky. Discarding her umbrella stumbled across her mind. She obliged. Rain ran through her scalp & through her eyelashes. Watery cold slid down her skin, traveling to the ground shortly after. Long fingers reaching towards the murky grey sky, legs aching from hours of standing. Her neck burned from hours of staring at that same sky. This was more depressing than it actually was. The rain gave her place in the world. No matter who surrounded her, she fit in as long as it rained. When it did not, she would play her roles. The roles that worked conceptions of herself into peoples' minds. No individual conception like the others. None of them were truly her. Maybe only fractions of who she actually was. One saw a quiet, calm, collected individual while another saw a bright, optimistic go lucky individual. Neither conception was true. She was disgusting. Tricking innocent people into false perceptions. It was like lying without the words. Shivers ran down her spine. So grotesque. Only insecurity was reflected through those actions. She was weeded with lies, gory & bogus. Intertwined with the trash of her sins, she let her body fall to her knees. Still staring at the sky. Eyes flattening wth the loss of thought. The rain betrayed her today. Thoughts broke through the therapy. This was expected. She had done a nasty thing today. Atonement was definitely underway. Why waste time living if it were to disappear with no meaning in the end. Every person she would've met would forget entirely everything she was, everything she would become & what she would be. No matter the reason, life was evident. Life was essential. Life was worthless unless it contained value, which she had none. Lifting her aching body, her sloppy steps lead her to stand again, more rain burning her skin. Therapy was over for today. Until tomorrow, she would live through it.