People tell you that you're supposed to fall in love naturally. They tell you love comes through nature & feeling it is only a matter if finding that one person, that one soulmate. Love isn't that easy. Love has obstacles & many many series of trial & error. Where I grew up, love was an abstract idea that was delusional. It was one of those frequently talked about but never taught. I grew up believing I'd fall in love when I got older & it would happen at the snap of God's fingers. I was so blind & so very naïve to the true hardships of love. Then again, my parents were the classic parents you see on television. Why did they never tell me? Their love was so easy & simple. Kisses & sex. That was their love. That was it. Through what I was told & what I read, love was supposed to be magical & it was supposed to feel like cloud 9, but why did it not turn out that way? Maybe it was because I fell in love the wrong way? No. It was because the world hadn't seen a true love. A love that contain only true intimacy & personal connection. A love so rich in itself that it couldn't be broken no matter what it came across. A love so complicated & wired so deeply nobody could untangle it. That was the love the world hadn't seen. Such a rare & attention grabbing love. I never saw myself as the person to understand somebody as much as I did to him. Love wasn't supposed to be this hard. Love wasn't supposed to tear you apart & euthanize you over & over again until you're begging for mercy & you're dying again before you could piece one fragment of your heart together. Love wasn't supposed to be this hard. Why was it that I loved him so much that it consumed my every waking moment? Why is this so hard? Why am I not giving up? Is it because I know exactly why he's doing this? Is it because I'm identical to him & I keep allowing myself to sympathize rather than push away? Is my love this deeply rooted? God, love wasn't supposed to be this hard. All I can see & all I can feel is him. I'm looking at him & thinking to myself dear lord what a mess we've gotten into! His face is crestfallen & stoic like mine. He is feeling such deep emotions that he is physically & psychologically inept to expressing them. I adore him. Why did I have to fall in love with him? Why does he make my heart race at the sight of his gorgeously tousled hair & his warm golden eyes? Why was he so incredible? Love isn't supposed to be this intense. I've done something wrong & my dearest has suffered due to it. It's my fault for loving him the wrong way. My parents weren't this intense. I must be doing something wrong. I shouldn't feel sick thinking about his arms around another person. Those strong & comforting arms.. these misconceptions are getting to my head again. God, I've disturbed him now.