As we pulled up at the hotel, I quickly shrugged off my jacket and draped it around her.

Her mouth didn't open as her dull, vacant eyes looked up to mine. But I could see the 'why' shrouding her expression.

"You... might scare some people with the amount of... blood," I struggled to get the words out, wary if she'd break again.

But she merely numbly nodded, slipped her arms through the sleeves, and unbuckled herself.

The gentle hum of the elevator was as loud as the crowd of a stadium as we ever so slowly made our way up to our floor. The whole time, Olivia stared blankly ahead, the life drained from her as though she had died back in that living room too.

I wanted to reach for her.

Hold her.

Tell her the pain would pass...

But it was too soon. It wasn't my place. It wasn't right to Ben...

After what felt like an eternity of her staring at the metal doors and me at her expressionless face, finally the elevator came to a halt, dinging open.

Ollie stepped out first, and rather than questioning this time, I quickly clamped down on her shoulders, stopping her in her tracks.

And before she could even ask, I turned her around, nudging her away from their room and towards mine.

"What are you doing?" she said, the most emotion I had heard to her voice since the living room... though this time her tone was underpinned by notes of unease. Like my room was the last place she'd like to be.

Trying to not read further into it than I already had, I said back, "You shouldn't be alone tonight... I'll pack up his things so you don't have to look at them until you're ready."

Her shoulders whimpered under my grip, the tension rolling out of her as she almost sighed in relief—though that may be too much emotion. She had gone back to the silence, the vacancy, the nothingness... it was a more favourable state than feeling the ferocious agony of the broken bond.

After unlocking the door to my room, I gently nudged it open, stepping aside for her to go in first.

But her eyes slowly drifted up my body. And the moment our gazes met, she unfolded. Bottom lip quivering, eyes immediately gushing with tears, she stepped forward, throwing her arms around me as she heaved her pain into my chest.

She was in no state to focus on her magic. So not only did I hear her pain, but I felt it as she sent waves of electrical currents through me that rhythmically tied with each wail. Regardless, I wound my arms around her, pulling her into the room so that she'd be able to have her privacy from onlookers in the hallway, ignoring the throbbing in my side the whole while.

"I've got you, Ollie," I whispered into her hair, not even sure if she could hear me. "We will get through this."

A part of me hoped she couldn't hear me at that moment.

Because I knew I lacked conviction to that final promise.

· · ───── ∘ ☽༓☾∘ ───── · ·

It took a while, but once the tears turned to a trickle, I gently pried her away from me to tuck a lock of hair behind her ear.

"I'm going to go get your things," I said, deciding to leave the implication of what else I'd be doing in the unsaid, "But you have a shower while I'm gone, okay? I'll be back before you know it."

She didn't say anything in response. She had gone back to being the lifeless Ollie from before. Nonetheless, I took her reprieve as my one invitation I'd probably get to run off.

I slowly walked out of the room, keeping my wary eyes on her as she sat on the edge of the bed, staring vacantly at the wall.

But once the door was closed behind me, I moved quickly... as quickly as one could with a broken rib still on the mend.

I knew what she'd be feeling right now.

Well... I had some clue. I had only known Anja for a month... while she and Ben had almost been together for a year.

Regardless, being alone at a time like this was the least safest thing to do when a bond breaks.

Keycard slamming on the door, I immediately shoved their bedroom door open, coming to a halt as I took in its lived-in state.

Watermelon and hibiscus swarmed the room, accompanied by the warm undertones of Ben's lavender and musk scent. At once, my eyes began to sting as I wondered where to start first.

Unable to deal with it, I waved my hand over the room, sending out a packing spell that would gather all of their things for me.

But as all the bits and bobs went flying, neatly folding themselves into the suitcase, the bedside table drawer rattled.

With furrowed brows, I walked through the room, coming to a stop as I stood by it. Kneeling down, I grabbed at the handle, trying to yank it open.

But it had been locked.

With a sigh, I seeped my magic through, twisting the lock open so that whatever was in could come out.

But as a box flew out of the drawer, heading to the suitcase, I reached out to snatch it from the air.

Shaky hands, my stomach started to churn as I gazed at the jewellery box in my clutches.

There's no way his death was intentional, I concluded. Why would he have this...

Reluctantly, I pried the lid open to confirm my fears. Resting in the velvet interior, a diamond ring adorned the small box. And I recognised it instantly from the photos in Stephen's house.

"You were going to marry her?" I breathed as I stared at it. "Why were you trying to push us together, you fool?"

His suitcase zipped itself up behind me, the room now bare and packed away.

Using my magic to lower it off the bed onto the ground, I wheeled it out of their room, closing the door behind me as I pocketed the jewellery box and headed back to my bedroom.

Pushing the bedroom door open, I fully expected the sound of the shower to fill my ears.

But the room was quiet.

Gently wheeling the suitcase in, I heard Ollie breathe, "What the..." before I rounded the hallway corner.

"That's everything—" I started until my eyes zeroed in on her, standing by my bedside table, my copy of Pachinko in her hand.

Even more alarming though was the strip of photos pinched between her fingers.

Eyes wide in shock, she shoved the photos back in and slammed the book shut. At once, I ran across the room, ignoring the sharp shooting pains running through my side at the force against my body. Yanking the book from her hands, I bounded across the room to my suitcase, shoving it in and zipping it up.

It's too soon for her to see that... To know about that...

Besides... I told her we barely had anything between us...

"You recommended it, so I thought I should read it," I muttered, hoping I could distract her from what she saw... hoping she was too distraught for it to process exactly what the contents of those photos were.

But all she whispered back was, "Can I have a shower?"

Unfazed by the strip of photos, I assumed she either didn't care about our past or... simply hadn't had the chance to study it too well. Relief overwhelming me, I gave her a curt nod before grabbing her a clean towel and walking it to the bathroom. Because it seemed she didn't know how to do that herself.

I gingerly sat down on my bed as she closed the bathroom door behind her, listening to the sounds of the water turning on.

It didn't take long for the sounds of her sobs to resound in the small room, streaming under the door and slicing my heart once more.

· · ───── ∘ ☽༓☾∘ ───── · ·

I was still sitting at the edge of the bed, Ben's box now in my hands, when Ollie finally emerged. She was gone for at least half an hour, spending all but the final five minutes crying her eyes out.

And her body showed it.

Skin red and raw, fingers pruning, eyes swollen, her gaze immediately zeroed in on me as she approached.

"What's that?" she asked, voice hoarse as she pulled out a chair.

I glanced up at her, wondering if I should hide it. Wondering if somehow I could remove him from her memory so she didn't have to suffer... but Ben didn't deserve that. He didn't deserve me censoring his intentions just because he wasn't here to get in my way.

Get in your way? More like you got in his way...

I internally sighed at myself, the cycle of self-doubt a constant loop on repeat in my head, only encouraged by Ollie's pain.

If I just listened to him... let them stay far away... if I just made this my fight... I was so caught up on keeping Olivia safe, I never once thought—

"I've screwed up a lot between us by not telling you things when I should have," I whispered while the courage to tell her what was on my mind was still present. "But now I just can't figure out if this is too soon or..."

Her gaze trailed back over me, focussing on the box again, hand twitching as though she wanted to inspect it herself.

So, reluctantly, I handed it over.

She accepted it, hands gentle around the edges, heartbeat accelerating in her chest.

"It was in his things," I breathed. "I believe it was his mother's."

Her heart slowed again, her bottom lip quivering... but no glisten appeared in her eyes this time. For now, her tears had run dry.

With wobbly fingers, she pried the box open, the oval ring sparkling bright, a future never to be had hitting her at full force. And I watched all the hopes, dreams, wishes wash over her face as she realised she would never have this reality with him... whether she wanted it or not.

Slamming it shut, she placed it on the table behind her as she got to her feet. "I want to go to bed," she muttered.

With a nod, I reached over the mattress, grabbing a spare pillow and throwing it on the ground.

Then, as I walked past her to the linen cupboard, grabbing out a spare blanket and throwing it on the floor too, she finally asked, "What are you doing?"

Confusion masking my stare, I looked over at her.

She was frozen where I had last seen her, gaze glancing between me and the pile of bedding on the ground.

"Making my bed..." I said, as though it were obvious.

"You can share this one with me. I trust you're not going to make any stupid moves on me during a time like this."

I could tell she meant it in jest. But as I watched her crawl into bed, eyes flickering back up to me again as she awaited my response, I wondered what possibly was the right thing here.

Of course I wouldn't make a move on her right now.

But also... Ben just died.

Sharing a bed with her right now—

"Please don't make me wake up alone," she barely made audible.

With that, I threw whatever moral dilemma was going on in my head out the window and immediately picked up my bedding from the ground. Placing it gently on the matress next to her, I said, "I'm going to have a shower, then I'll be back, okay?"

She gave me a weak nod, and once I affirmed with a look into her eyes that she should be okay for the few minutes I'd be gone, I took off to the bathroom.

Stripping my clothes off, I took a moment to glance in the mirror. Large, purple bruising extended up my side. Fingers gingerly reaching up, I ran them over my skin, wincing at the slightest brush on it.

Taking off the rest of my clothes, I quickly hopped into the shower, not even waiting for the water to warm as I began to run the soap over me—giving a wide berth to my wound.

Satisfied that all sweat and blood was removed from my body, I turned off the water just as it had heated and dried myself off as quickly as my stiff body would allow.

Then, dressed, I exited the bathroom, eager to see how she was fairing in my brief absence.

She hadn't moved since I left her.

Knees tucked to her chest, she stared blankly at the wall, only breaking her focus as I moved past her line of sight. Her eyebrows twitched as though she thought she should give me some form of response to the sight of me. But she couldn't bring herself to do it.

Rounding the bed, I climbed under my covers, being sure to keep the distance. Then I flicked off the light, leaving just our breaths and hearts to fill the room.

As I laid down on the pillow, being careful to stay away from my sore side, the bed beside me jostled.

Lolling my head, she was on her back, eyes already trying to find me in the darkness. And as her gaze glowed slightly in the dimness of the room, I realised she had tapped into her magic to see me.

My Ollie would have been over the moon if she knew she could do that one day...

"This is not how I ever wanted to share a bed with you for the first time again," I breathed, surprising myself as I realised I actually said it out loud. But because I had started, I went on. "I'm so sorry, Olivia. If I never—"

"Don't," she cut me off. "Not tonight. Just... just lay here with me."

Pressing my lips together, I gave her a brief nod and tried to retreat into my silence, not wanting to disturb her peace again.

But next I knew, the bed sheets whispered against her movement, and as I threw her another glance, I saw her hand extending across the space between us.

My heart let out a weak shudder of delight, the bond string glowing in memory of the times we used to do this.

Instinctively, my hand wormed its way up the sheets as I gently rolled onto my side, lacing my fingers through hers.

Hand warm and small, holding her like this felt like I was at home again.

But it was wrong.

All wrong...

It wasn't supposed to happen again like this...

Her brows furrowed and she shimmied closer on the bed. "Did your fire burn your hands?" she asked.

Alarmed that she was even paying me attention, I tried to tug my hand free from her grip as I muttered, "It's fine."

But she clung on tightly. "Lukas, we should attend to this."

"It will heal," I said back. Besides, this is nothing compared to my ribs right now. "Probably be better by morning." I hope.

"Probably?" she responded, evidently hearing my hesitancy.

With a sigh, I explained, "I've only done it once before, when I was really little. I can't remember how long it took, but it did heal."

She shook her head. "That was insane what you did."

In a bad way? My mind whispered in fear. "If only I had practised more with my skills," I ended up saying, already feeling the guilt slamming through me. "I would have been able to do more. Control them better... Olivia, I'm so so—"

Her free hand suddenly clamped down on my mouth, shocks running through my head.

Eyes wide with alarm, she yanked her hand back and started withdraw the other holding onto mine.

But this time I gripped on.

"No," I said, "This is okay." I gave her a gentle squeeze for good measure. "I can't feel much in my hand right now anyway." The ribs hurt more than your light shocks...

"Okay," she whispered, hesitancy still lacing her tone.

Acting on instinct, I reached across the distance to tuck a stray lock of hair that had fallen in front of her face back behind her ear. "Get some sleep, if you can. We will get the hell out of here first thing in the morning, okay?"

She nodded again, snuggling into the pillow. But her heart rate began to pick up as I knew the monsters of the night were creeping back into her thoughts.

"I'm right here, okay?" I breathed. "You will get through this."

"How? How did you deal with losing Anja?"

"I... didn't." A part of me hated that I had to re-explain this... because my Ollie had already been through all of this with me. Nonetheless, I gave her what she needed to hear. I let her borrow my pain so she could take a break from hers. "I was only with her for a month, too, but... You know what it did to me. Never could commit. Never really moved on. Screwed up things with Erica... Screwed up things with you." If I just believed in myself and went and destroyed my uncle on my own... I wouldn't have had to wipe your memories. If I hadn't been so scared of losing you... Of repeating my last mistakes... Maybe I even would have kept Ben alive. "There's nothing that can prepare you for that type of pain. I'm sorry I couldn't protect you from it."

But the sheets rustled again as she shook her head. "That wasn't your job, Lukas. It was my fault. All that training and I just froze..."

Her? She's condemning herself? "Don't. Don't blame yourself," I quickly said. Because if this Ollie was taking the guilt...

You can never give her back her memories, my mind whispered to me. She'd crumble knowing... None of this would have happened if she never asked me to...

Ollie had gone still, no longer talking, breaths light, but heart rapid, telling me she was most definitely wide awake.

So, this time, I shuffled closer to her.

With a pillow wedged between us, I meekly rested my free hand that wasn't clenched in her clutches on her arm. And, ever so slowly, I traced circles over her skin, remembering how this used to soothe her when memories of the man in the alleyway would haunt her mind before sleep.

Surely not even that man could top what she saw today.

But I still hoped this familiar gesture would be enough to distract her... to lull her to sleep so she could forget for a few moments the aches on her heart.

But her heart raced ahead, body trembling slightly under my hold.

"How long did he make you watch?" she asked after some moments of silence.

"Watch what?"

"Anja?"

I paused for a moment before honestly answering, "Almost just as long as she and I were together..."

"A whole month?" she exclaimed. "Why didn't you just do something?"

I almost thought I heard judgement in her tone. "I don't know, Olivia," I weakly responded, wondering if this Ollie hated me now. If she wished I did something to save Ben... if she wished it was me who died instead of him. "I thought I was doing something for the greater good. I thought my powers being known would do more harm... But I try to not think back. What's done is done. What matters is what I do now." But because I didn't feel like it was fully off my chest, that the things still shaking me to the core would continue to rattle around until I breathed them into existence, I finally said, "I hate myself for not protecting Ben. But, Olivia..." I paused as I felt the lump form in my throat, the sting burn my eyes.

"What?" she pressed.

"I'm so glad it wasn't you who died," I finally sobbed, feeling my body convulse from the pain. My ribs throbbed as my body writhed while the wails tore out of me. As the relief swamped me that she was okay and my uncle was gone, the guilt still gorged on whatever happiness I had left. "Stephen is going to hate me," I finally whimpered when I calmed down a bit.

"He will hate me more. Ben was protecting me." Her tone told me she had already thought this thought...

"No. He will understand why Ben did that for you." He already did when I told him he died...

"Lukas... you know you're like Stephen's son to him."

"But his real son died because of me."

"He loves you just as much as he loves Ben."

But I didn't believe her. I couldn't. Because what did she know? "How do you know that?" I asked.

"Because he tried to convince me to ditch his son and run off with you?"

I fell into the depths once more, the events of the past few days on repeat as I wondered what I could have done differently. How I could have saved us all...

If I had just gone away earlier and broken the bond...

My bond seared my heart in response as though I wasn't permitted to think that.

"Do you hate me?" I asked her, a little scared to hear the answer, but also feeling like I deserved what may come next.

But she surprised me when she said, "I hate myself."

"Don't. If I hadn't wiped your memory that day, then you and Ben would have met under different circumstances and he'd still be alive."

She paused for a moment before asking back, "A part of you did like him, right?"

She almost sounded scared like I'd outright say no. And it hurt slightly that she did expect that from me... because my Ollie knew... "He... he was like an annoying brother I could never get rid of. But yes. I liked that he lit up when you were around. But I didn't like that you were always so miserable with him."

She fell quiet for a while, not saying anything back. But her continuously thrumming heart let me know she was still up. And while she was still awake... I'd try to fight the fogginess begging me to rest so that I could heal.

"If you didn't wipe my memory," she eventually whispered, evidently voicing what her mind had been stewing over these past few minutes, "Then I never would have met him or fallen for him. And he never would have become that Ben that you grew to like. He never would have known love or happiness."

His eyes had never lit up as much as they did around her... But... "But he'd still be alive."

"Ben wasn't really living though, was he?"

Memories of the crashing waves in his iridescent blue eyes every time he stared at me before Ollie came into the picture washed through my mind. The dullness. The lack of will for life. I remembered it so clearly now... a stark contrast to who he became in the final year. "... No. He wasn't."

She heaved a sigh. "He deserved better than me."

If only you knew the full truth of how you both started... "You deserve better than what he gave you."

"What? A life? He sacrificed himself to me."

That stopped me in my tracks.

Because she wasn't wrong.

But... he also could have grabbed that knife...

No... it was an accident, I told myself. He had a ring... why would he purposefully...

"We should stop talking about this and sleep, shouldn't we?" she then asked, a hesitancy to her voice.

"I don't know..." I whispered back, the events from the living room still replaying in my head as I tried to decipher his actions.

"You should sleep at least," she said.

But I didn't have anything to say back.

How could I possibly sleep right now?

But she tried once more. "Goodnight, Lukas."

"Gute Nacht, Ollie."

Though neither of us actually fell asleep after that, both our hearts thrumming into the hours of the night as we finally gave into the monsters begging to feast on our minds.