I knew sleep would stop the racing thoughts for a while, but the racing thoughts were stopping sleep. So much so, that the light was already filtering into the room from around the curtains while I hadn't closed my eyes for longer than a blink the whole evening.

There was no fixing us now.

With Ollie and Ben bonded, the only way they would ever break up is if one of them dies...

And while I know some people stay bonded with someone and have other relationships, it's not what I wanted.

I wanted to be her one and only.

But what was throwing me more was how our bond was still tightly wrapped around my heart.

If her end, the one in her subconscious, was gone, replaced by Ben... why did mine still exist?

Why did mine not disappear too?

At one point in the night, I dug out my mum's book from the shelves—scanning the pages about the witches who wiped their partner's memory. But there were no explanations for this.

She had only read of a handful of witches in her research that mentioned wiping the memory of a bond. And records suggest they always bonded again.

So what was my solution? Physically leave her until our bond breaks so that it won't hurt when I see her holding Ben, and kissing Ben, and loving Ben? How long would it take for ours to break if I did?

One month had passed between me wiping her memory and going to visit her in the library just before she would have met Ben... and even then, it was still just as strong.

So would I have to leave her for two months? Many months? A year?

Thoughts like that brought me back to the fact that I was supposed to take out my uncle...

But when I thought about taking him out, my throbbing heart selfishly whispered, What's the point in stopping him if I can't have her?

Um, I replied to it, saving the human species?

As the dust particles in the light beams became even more visible, suddenly my door opened.

"Happy birthday," he whispered, creeping into my room.

My mouth filled with venom, and rage bubbled below the surface.

This is all his fault, I thought as I glanced at Ben. But the anger I had directed towards him came to a halt as I took him in.

His eyes twinkled bright, the smile on his face magnificently wide. He was happy...

"You look like shit," Ben said as he sat on my bed, smile dropping from his face.

"Thanks," I mumbled, pushing myself up to a seated position as I rested against the headboard.

"I'm sorry," Ben then said.

My brows shot up as I glanced at him, his head turned to his lap.

"I was being an obnoxious prat towards you just because you didn't like me back... I won't be like that ever again, Lukas."

My nostrils flared as I looked away from him. Seriously? He bonds with Ollie but he still wants to talk about his feelings for me?

"Over the past few weeks... I realised why I was so bitter to you and so intent about getting her blood. I always knew you wouldn't like me back. There's a sense of safety in unrequited love. So long as I never said anything to you, you could never hurt me."

Shaking my head, "I was with Erica for like—"

"I know. But you couldn't directly break my heart. And I liked that feeling so much that I became obsessed with it instead of you. Don't get me wrong... I still find you an exceptional person, Lukas. I'm always going to love you. But it took Olivia coming into my life to realise what feelings of desire are actually supposed to be like. What I was feeling for her scared me... because it meant letting go of the stability and familiarity of my feelings for you and leaning into this person I barely know. I thought if I persisted in helping you and... I don't know... kept her at a distance until I properly knew whether I'd get hurt..."

Ben heaved a sigh before he continued. "Anyway, the end of this all is... In the days that passed after Olivia ran off... I spent only the first couple thinking about the fact that you rejected me and then weeks thinking about just her and how much I missed her. I realised I was about to lose something important but also... she didn't want to see me. Then Jade came up yesterday and told me it was her fault that Olivia had even overheard us and she didn't actually say I couldn't contact her." Ben shook his head. "So I found her last night. I apologised and we... cemented our bond."

I probably should have acted surprised, but hearing him confirm it in words felt like another slice through my heart. Closing my eyes, I took a few deep breaths through the pain before I hissed, "That doesn't fix things. Bonds are permanent, Ben and—"

"I know. But we kind of didn't have another choice."

"Didn't have... you always have a choice!" I snapped at him.

"Our bond was still breaking. She... she zapped me."

One more day... if I had held off from breaking that spell on Jade for one more day I could have had Olivia... I'm a dumb, stupid, fucking fool.

"She wasn't going to trust me again until I gave her something concrete and she said if bonds are real then I had to prove it. And, well... she kissed me back." The corner's of Ben's lips turned upwards as he giddily looked at his lap. "I know... it's soon. But now we won't ever question how each other is feeling. And I feel so... safe knowing she feels the same way for me."

I continued to take deep breaths until the lump in my throat dissolved and the stinging sensation subsided before I said, "Don't play with her again, Ben." There's nothing I can do to break them up anymore. Nothing I can do to get Ollie back... so all I can do now is be her friend. And that involves keeping this idiot beside me in check, I decided.

"I'm not going to," he quickly said. "I feel so guilty about what I did, but I have vowed to myself I will be the best..."

But he paused, his brows furrowing. "What?" I pressed.

"I was going to say best boyfriend... but we didn't confirm labels."

I rolled my eyes then crossed my arms over my chest.

"Anyway... guess that's something I should... ah... discuss with her. But I will be the best... whatever she wants from me. Friend, partner, lover... I care about her too much to ever see that look on her face again."

My shoulders relaxed slightly as I glanced at him. "What look?"

Ben's blue gaze met mine, slight tints of wetness starting to glisten as he said, "The look of utter betrayal. When she walked into that room after overhearing... I could see that I had shattered her heart so clearly on her face. I knew I was hurting her every day by not being more obvious about those feelings inside me that I was trying to ignore. But I never had... broken her. I don't want to ever see her look like that again, especially not because of me. So I will spend the rest of my life being whomever she needs me to be."

"Shouldn't you just be you?"

His teeth snagged his bottom lip and he turned back forward, glancing at the wall ahead of us. "You'd think after ninety-five years I'd have figured that out who I am but... I'm still working on it. Though I know I will be someone who protects Olivia. Who treats her right."

I let out a heavy breath I didn't know I was holding. I wanted to trust his words—he was saying everything I needed to hear as Ollie's actual protector. But—even though he said all those things, even though his eyes softened as he spoke of her, and even though he was bonded to her—I still didn't trust him. He played with her once. Who is to say this wasn't some bigger plan to make her a sacrifice to my uncle?

But why would Ben want to damage his heart like that... if he wants Ollie to die in the hands of Rüdiger just to put an end to him... why play with a bond? He knows the agony a broken bond due to death can have on a mutant.

So I asked all I could. "Why'd you tip out the blood?"

"Huh?" Ben said, eyebrows shooting up. Then a blush extended across his face as he looked to his lap. "Oh... did you notice?"

"I was going to run some tests... It's not like we could have feasibly actually gone to take out my uncle in that timeframe we had, but I wanted to see if I could mask its scent and how long it was good for..."

"Well... It was the stupid blood that had me lose her in the first place. I figured if I wanted her to forgive me, I had to get rid of the thing that tempted me to use her. I didn't realise you'd want to test it."

Shaking my head, I let out a sigh. "We can just ask her one day to lend more of her blood for testing."

Ben's brows furrowed in response.

"What?" I asked.

"I don't want Olivia involved anymore."

Rolling my eyes, I said, "She won't be until she feels ready. It will completely be her choice. But whether she wants us to use her blood for that in the end, that doesn't mean we can't at least test her."

"If the stories are true and your uncle tried to exterminate her kind, then one whiff of her existence and she's gone. He will make sure of it. I won't lose her, Lukas."

The fear in Ben's eyes was somehow quelling my paranoia that Ben would put her in harm's way. And as much as I liked knowing my stupid suspicion he'd sacrifice Ollie was incorrect, I still knew I had made a different promise to Ollie. She wanted to know what she was. She wanted to become the strong woman I once knew, mentally and physically. And I was going to make that happen by not letting Ben get in her way.

"There's no way I will let my uncle harm a single hair on her head," I vowed to Ben in that moment.

Ben's eyes narrowed before he said, "No he won't. I will make sure of that."

"What does that mean?"

"It means she's basically human and I will do everything in my power to protect her."

"She's not human though."

"She is in my eyes. I've already lost one person I care about because they were a weak human. I can't watch it happen to Olivia."

You get no say in this Ben, I thought in response, though held the comment back. I only care what Ollie wants.

"Anyway... I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday and apologise." Ben climbed off my bed, but turned to look at me, waiting, expectant. "Do you forgive me?"

Pressing my lips together, I thought it over for a moment then shrugged and gave him a nod. Because as stupid as he was to always act so emotionally... He still was my annoying little brother. He was my family. And I needed to keep him close... so that Ollie would always be in my sight.

"Great," Ben beamed, then he turned and walked to the door. But as his hand grabbed the handle to open it, he paused, turning back to me once more. "Can I bring Olivia tonight?"

"Bring her where?"

"To your birthday—" His hand shot to his mouth as his eyes went wide. "Shit," he muttered. "It was supposed to be a surprise."

"I told Jade no—"

"It's not Jade. It's Erica and Jayce. The twins are refusing to let you avoid at least a dinner."

Heaving a sigh, I said, "Where are we going?"

Ben grinned at me before saying, "Korean Barbeque. Of course."

"I can't believe I even asked..."

"Nor can I."

I still wasn't one hundred percent sure if I was okay with Ben and Olivia. I don't think I ever could be given how I felt about her. And I knew I'd have to see how he was around her—and how he treated her in front of everyone—to know if I could support them without trying anything to pull them apart again. But given that she was the person I loved most in this world and Ben was family... I decided I'd try.

I'd let her go if she was truly happy.

So I said, "Yeah. If she wants to come, bring her."

"Great. See you later. And... get some sleep. You look like shit."

As the door closed behind him, I grimaced in his direction before laying back down on my bed. But within the next five minutes, I finally drifted off.