Consciousness came and went. I could see vague shapes and silhouettes of people, I could hear the hazy ghost of voices fading in and out of my ears. I thought I saw Axl, sitting beside me with blue rings beneath his eyes. I thought I heard his whispers, but I knew I must be dreaming. My chest and lungs felt like someone filled them with fire, and my skin felt the same way. I was a giant bruise, and the fact that I couldn't just open my eyes was mentally claustrophobic.

When I did pry my eyelids open and see for the first time in God knows how long, I wished I hadn't.

The first thing I noticed was the strong scent of cleaning solution, attempting to smother the stomach-churning scent of sickness. I was in an impossibly small room, barely substantial enough to accomodate the tiny cot I was lying on. There was a monitor next to the bed, beeping rhythmically. There was a white clip attached to the tip of my finger, and an I.V in my arm. My mouth felt like it must be filled with sand dunes, and my throat ached horribly.

And I heard voices.

"She's stable, for now. Her pressure tried to bottom out a few times but I handled it. She's got some smoke inhalation damage to her lungs, and a head laceration that was cause for concern. She didn't really get burned, it's just that her body took a severe beating from the explosion. I need to watch her for a while, but she should be fine." I thought I saw Duff in the corner of the room, but that couldn't be right. Duff hated me, so why would he doctor me?

"Good," another voice breathed a sigh of relief. It must've been Axl. There was a bit of awkward silence before Duff continued. "I don't know why we're doing this. We should've left her with all the others-"

"Shut the fuck up, Duff! I'm in charge here, and that means we do what I say. She might've... who knows what would have happened if we'd left her there, no way I'd ever do that to her." Duff growled under his breath. "I don't see why, she's a dangerous liability."

"You don't have to see why, Duff. That's the beauty of being a leader."

I could feel myself fading again, but I didn't want to. I could tell that their conversation was far from over, and I wanted to hear the end of it. Nonetheless my eyes closed again and I let myself rest, I let the voices wither.

****

A fit of coughing is what had me up a while later, clutching my chest wildly and struggling to suck in air. My eyes were wide open now and I felt oddly alert, thankful when someone sitting in a chair next to my cot stuck a straw in my mouth. "Drink." Axl's eyes were stern, but kind in a way only I would've sensed.

I managed to stop hacking and sip some water from a plastic cup he was holding, until nothing more came up through the straw. I wanted some more but I guess he didn't have any, due to the fact that he just set it down on the floor and stared at me. I tried to sit up straight, but I felt like I'd gone through another extreme hangover. My limbs refused to do what they were told, leaving me a limp noodle who could only stare at the ceiling. "Don't try to move, you won't be able to. You've been on sedatives for a while, without them you'd be in agony."

I managed to turn my head and stare at him. He sat a respectable distance from me in a folding chair, dressed in a black tank top and camoflauge pants. His face was slightly smudged with ash, and his hair was unbrushed. He had a thicker stubble growing in on his face than usual, and overall he just looked tired. Again.

"Axl..." I managed to wheeze, placing a shaky hand against my chest. "Calliope." His voice was so neutral, the tone you might use to order a pizza or have an awkward conversation with someone at a bus stop. Nothing familiar, nothing affectionate.

"Where... are... we?" I sounded like I was suffering from severe emphysema, it really hurt to talk.

"Confidential." I knew right away that he wouldn't tell me anything, I should've assumed that from the start. Of course they couldn't, any trust he'd had in me was burned to shreds, just like the clothes I was wearing beneath the thin blanket tucked over my body.

"I... tried to warn you," I coughed, biting down on my lip. "I told you... you would forget... all the things about me... the minute you knew. You... would drop me, and I warned you." His neautrality faltered unmistakably, and he could no longer look at me without emotion. He stared down at his hands in his lap, and nodded once vaguely. "You did say that."

I settled back into a resting position, and wished he would leave. Him sitting there only made reality worse, it only made me wonder what his plans for me were after I'd healed up. He was silent too for a really long time, before he deemed it necessary to inform me of my health situation. "You were caught in an explosion at the mall. You suffered some internal damage, and you've been asleep for a few days. You should be fine, we're easing you off the sedatives. After you're alert, someone will move you to a different room. We have some things to discuss."

He stood stiffly and stared down at me again. He reached out just the tiniest bit, and for a second I thought he might touch me. Instead his hand just dropped to his side again and he raced out of the room. I wanted badly to go back to sleep, but I didn't.

The longer I stayed awake, staring at the beige colored walls the less drowsy I felt. Sure enough, a lady I'd never seen before came into the room and unhooked my I.V, and gave me some plain clothes to change into. They weren't anything special, just some underwear, a t-shirt and some jeans. They felt much better than the tattered clothes I'd apparently suffered through an explosion in.

The lady came back after I was changed, her brown eyes seemed very wary and sharp. She was tall and rail thin, and she made me just as uneasy as I made her. She lead me out into this narrow hall lined with many doors, all the same chestnut color, all polished smooth. Mechanically she walked, leading me down to the very end before whipping out a key ring. She shoved it into the last door on the right and twisted, revealing a small bedroom-like area to me.

It was smaller than my bathroom in there, with a single bed, a tiny dresser, and a little door leading off into another microscopic room. There was a TV across from the bed, which was a nice plus.

She pushed me into the room and shut the door without another word, leaving me there in utter silence. I felt like crying as I looked around in defeat, and heard the door lock behind me. I was being taken prisoner, and I knew it.

The other room had a toilet, sink, and shower; it was thankfully stocked with shampoo, conditioner, soap, toothpaste and a toothbrush. I explored the tiny space before going back to the bed, and taking a seat. It was a box spring, and I instantly missed the soft and forgiving texture of memory foam. I missed the smell of rain, I even missed Axl's strong scent of tobacco, cologne, and soap. I wanted anything more than I wanted to inhale the odor of cleaning solution, like it was covering up the desperate sadness.

The same stupid beige walls I stared at, before letting my head drop into my hands. I wondered if we were still in D.C, but I didn't think so.

I nearly jumped out of my skin when the door opened again, but it wasn't the lady.

Slash's curly hair seemed wild and unkempt as he stared down at me, recumbent on the bed. He opened his mouth to speak, but I could tell he didn't know what to say. He closed it again, his lips parted, but there was simply nothing he could utter that would be of any comfort anyway. He ended up just waving me toward the hall.

I followed him down the narrow space again until it opened up into a conference room of sorts, with a long table and chairs, a TV in the corner. I spotted some Lays potato chips near the center of the table, and my mouth instantly watered. I hadn't noticed how starving I felt, I was far too busy feeling sorry for myself.

There were some familiar faces at the table mixed in with some I'd never seen before. There were a whole lot more RUG members than I thought, black, white, hispanic- they were all there, and they weren't rock stars. They were ex-military, they were ex-body guards, ex-CIA. They all stared at me with mixed expressions, some with obvious hatred, others with pure curiosity.

Slash took an empty seat without saying a word to me, so I drifted down toward the head of the table. Axl was seated there, and the only empty chair was beside him. I sank down into it slowly, and glued my eyes to my lap. I could feel them all staring at me, and when I dared to look up I was staring into Duff's cold hazel eyes. He may have treated me, but it was obvious that his feelings hadn't changed.

"You're going to tell us everything, whether you want to or not. You can speak willingly, or... I can use force. It's your choice-" Axl held up a hand to silence Duff, who'd leaned forward for emphasis. I wondered if he meant torture methods, but I could never imagine a doctor harming anyone on purpose. Axl sighed, and cleared his throat. "No one here is going to hurt you, Calliope. We do need to know everything you know about the CIA."

I sighed. I had no problem telling them, I just... felt like a criminal. Not to mention I was the only female in the room.

"Why are you keeping me prisoner?" My voice was thin and wispy, but not as bad as it had been before. Axl didn't answer, but Duff did of course. "You can't be trusted, Callie. What did you think we'd do, let you run wild like you were-" "Duff!" Axl barked, and reluctantly, Duff sat back again, crossing his arms over his chest.

"That's ridiculous, you know me. I'd never do anything to harm any of you."

"We thought we knew you," said a quiet voice from down the table. It belonged to Jon, who looked so completely out of place for some odd reason. He didn't look at me, he wouldn't. It was so uncomfortable, so awkward to be in that room with at least thirty people, twenty-four of which were complete strangers.

"Well... what do you wanna know?" The corner of Axl's mouth turned up in a subdued smile, which he quickly lost after a few seconds. "Let's start with what the CIA knows about us."

I did a lot of talking, but none of what I said seemed to be satisfactory for Duff. He kept whispering loudly to Axl about how I couldn't be trusted, even though all the information I was giving was truthful, confirmed by Jon and his handheld device. I told them about 'The Captain,' and still did not disclose that he was in any way related to me. I told them everything I could think to say, even things that weren't useful. I don't know why, but I wanted so badly to prove my worth. I didn't want Duff to hate me, and I didn't want to be apart of the CIA anymore. I used to feel so at home with the six of them and I simply wanted that back.

When I was finished, Axl gave me a pleased glance. "Good, very good." He nodded to an unfamilar man adjacent to me, who slid me a bag of potato chips. I felt the urge to tear into them, I might've if I'd been the Callie Axl abandoned weeks before. I wasn't. I ate them slowly and delicately, making as little sound as possible.

"We're not in Washington D.C anymore, Calliope. We're at one of our many sister branches, this one happens to be located in New York. We've notified the CIA of your capture, and were planning to use you as a sort of... bartering token. I don't think we'll do that anymore, you're just valuable enough to keep. You know a lot about them, it's obvious. We'll need your insight."

"This isn't what we agreed on!" Duff blurted, only to be silenced again.

"Anyway, we were planning to go after the Justices individually but that turned out to be a bust. We're reverting to the original plan, as soon as it's safe to get back to D.C. Blowing up a public mall wasn't the best idea, but..." he trailed off, stroking at his chin pensively. I looked around again, and the tension seemed to have eased slightly. A few had jotted down notes on slips of paper, probably the things I'd said.

"That's all for now. Slash, take her back to her room." My heart fell again. I didn't want to go back to that terrible little walnut shell of a room, but I had no choice. Slash stood and I followed him to the door. Just before I left I turned and spoke as loudly as I could, which in reality probably wasn't loud at all. "For the record... I stopped reporting back to the CIA months before you found out."

Axl's eyes flickered with something, but I was too afraid to stay and decipher it. Duff was getting antsy again.

I was locked back in my prison cell, and served a measly dinner an hour later. Thin sliced chicken breast, instant mashed potatoes and slimy gravy, cut green beans and another bag of chips. The chicken was decent, the potatoes were hard as a rock. I picked at the green beans and downed the chips.

I treated myself to a 'hot' shower, when really there was barely any room to move around and the water was little more than lukewarm. That only lasted for a few minutes, before the spray was completely cold.

Shivering, I wrapped a thin white towel around myself and brushed my teeth, staring at my reflection in the cracked and slightly grimy mirror. I looked just as tired as Axl did, and twice as traumatized.

There was a loose cotton t-shirt and some pajama pants inside of the dresser, a few more sets of clothes and lady's underthings. I slipped the pajamas on and laid on my hard box spring, staring at the TV with vague interest. I was even beginning to miss Cap, he may have done some unnecessary things to me but at least he let me live in the lap of luxury.

I drifted off for a little bit and woke up again, the lights in my room had automatically turned themselves off. I would've done it before, but the room lacked a light switch.

I was going to sleep again when the door gently opened, and I managed to sit up straight.

Axl was standing in the doorway, obviously having changed and showered as well. He looked a little bit better, a little bit stronger, and his face was different. It was softer, but I didn't take it for granted. He couldn't be there for anything pleasant, and I understood that immediately.

I got up quickly and stood on the other side of the bed as he shut the door gently behind himself, and locked it again. He opened his mouth, but I silenced him this time. "Look, I know what you're going to say, so you can save it. You're obviously not happy with me, you probably think our whole relationship was a lie. You hate me, and I really can't take that, especially if you say it out loud. You despise me now. You spared me earlier in my hospital bed, could you please spare me now?"

He paused for a moment. "Are you finished?" I just blinked back at him.

"I... I tried to hate you. I tried so hard, thinking about how you'd done me wrong but I just... couldn't. I can't hate you, Calliope. It would be so much easier if I could, but I... really can't." My breathing hitched as I glanced at him shyly, watching his familiar body language. He was so close, but he felt so far away.

"I can't hate you, because every time I think of you I see... I see lemon starbursts. I see your hair, and eyes... I hear your voice. I remember that you always put on a sock then a shoe, and then the other sock and other shoe. It drives me nuts, but it's adorable. I know that you eat your food in a certain way, so that one flavor is the very last one you taste before the meal is over. I know you hate sleeping alone now, I know you love Arsenio Hall. I know you, and I didn't realize it until you were gone. And I miss you, every time I breathe I miss you."

I thought I might cry again, but I managed to keep it together. His eyebrows crashed together in frustration as he ravaged his hair with his fists, tugging at the roots like he always did when something was eating away at him.

"I may not have known about your past, and I still don't, but I know you, Calliope. I may not know your last name, but I know you. You're loyal to me, you always were. I... I don't think I'm myself without you, I... I was a bit bitter until I met you. I can't sleep without you, I can't eat without you... and sometimes I hate myself for it. Out of all girls in the world to fall in love with, it had to be an undercover CIA agent, didn't it? How's that for irony?"

Love. He said love. We both steered clear of the 'L' word during our relationship, so it sounded so strange coming out of his mouth.

"I... I was never out to hurt anyone," I managed to whisper, fresh tears oozing out of my eyes. "I wanted so badly to be a field agent, all my life I spent trapped in that stupid apartment. I was... so happy when I finally became one, and I thought I was so devoted to the cause. And then... we happened. It turned out that you, the formidable Rebel Sergeant were the most amazing person I'd ever met, and you had all these awesome friends who were so kind to me. I started to feel like one of you, and I stopped reporting to the CIA. I was done with it, I didn't need it anymore because... I had you guys. You're all I want."

Maybe that terrible pain I felt in my chest every time I thought of him meant I loved him too, but I was too bashful to say it.

"It was my first mission."

He came to me slowly, standing a mere foot from my body before he reached out ever so gently to wipe my tears away. My body yearned for his warmth, I could just feel it from where I stood. His eyes were soft and my heart was swelling, I wanted nothing more than to throw my arms around him.

"I shouldn't feel this way about you. But I do, no matter who you are... you're still my Calliope."

His. I was his.

His lips felt better than they ever had when they landed on mine, so loving, so irresistable. I latched onto him immdiately as did he, intimately squeezing my waist with his fingers. The stubble tickled more than it usually did, and it eventually started to irritate my skin but I couldn't care less. It was like nothing had ever changed, and it took all of me to pull away ten minutes later.

His breath was ragged as he gazed at me curiously, wondering why I stopped. I didn't know myself, I guess I just wanted to look at him for my own self-assurance. It was real, he kissed me, it happened.

I didn't move away from him, I still stood there pressed against his chest just staring up into those eyes of his. He stared right back down at me as I gave him a gentler kiss, and pulled away again. "You should probably go, before someone... Duff... finds you in here." I turned toward the bed and crossed my arms, waiting for the sound of the door opening. It never came. Instead the sound of a zipper, and the feeling of Axl's hand pulling my hair away from my neck.

"Fuck that." I smiled as he kissed my ear down to my shoulder, pulling me back against his chest. "Or... you." My mouth fell open a little, and my heart beat even faster than it already was. It was finally time, he finally wanted me. I turned and looked up at him; all the world's confirmation was plastered over his face. I began to frantically tug at my own clothing but he stopped me, shaking his head slowly. "Let me."

And he did, kissing every bit of bare skin he exposed to the world as he went. He went so very quickly, I remember having thoughts about Cap's style, so slow and deliberate. Axl was the complete opposite.

I wasn't afraid to be naked in front of him, I was only curious to see what he looked like. His eyes hungrily ate up every bit of me, one of his hands was working to explore my body while his other was stripping his own clothes. I helped him along until there were no barriers keeping us apart, and his feverishly hot skin was pressed to my own.

He pushed me onto the bed and practically dove in on top of me, causing the box spring to heave and groan in protest. He held both of my wrists in one of his large hands as he continued to kiss every inch of me, lapping at me like a cat with his tongue. He muttered to me about how beautiful I was, some other things that are too sexual to admit. I was confused as to where he was going as his tongue travelled lower, but the sensation was too good to question.

His hands forcefully spread my legs even further and suddenly his tongue was between them. I nearly cried tears of joy when he did that, threading my fingers through his hair while his name rolled off my tongue several times.

He almost pushed me over the edge, and just before I would've peaked he snuck back up to me, positioning himself at my entrance. "Fuck, Calliope..." he hissed as he thrusted into me without hesitation. It hurt to say the least; but it was a good pain. He was inside of me, and I loved the feeling. I loved his quick pace, the whole experience was far less tedious than my first time had been.

It's fair to say we switched positions several times over the period of an hour or so. He wouldn't let himself finish, and he wouldn't let me either, which made for a teasing sort of experience. I ended up concluding things once and for all when it was my turn to be in control-I could tell he wasn't used to it. Using my hips and dirty rhetoric I had him going limp beneath me, spewing about how good to him I was. I let my own euphoria ride out as I felt something warm spread inside of me, gripping his chest tightly.

He pulled me down to lay beside him, half on top of him really since there wasn't enough room for us to be shoulder-to-shoulder.

His lips were pressed against my ear again as he whispered. "I... need you. You were always loyal to me as far as our relationship goes, and I need that again now. You need to be loyal to me and this organization. I need to trust you fully going forward. I want you to be a committed member of the RUG." I nodded profusely, stroking his hair again. "I'd like nothing more," I said truthfully, as long as we got to do that again soon.

He smiled, nibbling my skin lightly. "Good."

"That thing... that thing you do with your tongue... lord." He laughed, letting his fingertips gently caress my shoulders and back. "I wanted to see how you tasted." "Who taught you to do that?" He shrugged. "Over time, especially in my line of work where there is a constant supply of women, you learn a few things." I rolled my eyes. "A constant supply, huh?"

"Yeah, but I only need one to make me happy now." He kissed my forehead.

I felt so much better, even if that meant I had to become the thing I'd hated for so long- a member of the orginization that ended my life as I knew it when I was a girl.

~fin~