-1988-

Sit like a lady. Stand up straight. Don't play with your hair, Callie.

Eat salad with your salad fork, eat soufflé with your dessert fork.

The music was surely gorgeous and extravagant; I was staring straight at the thin little pianist, skillfully playing her cadences, but I didn't hear a thing. I was surely done up like the pretty little doll I was for the occasion, set on display for all guests to see and talk with. I was staring straight at their pretty-painted lips moving, but I registered no sound.

And it wasn't like they were strangers, Cap would never allow anyone I didn't know to come within a ten-foot radius of me. They were all people I'd seen before, somehow, and I always knew I wasn't one of them. I was desperate to be, the way a drowning sailor yearns for land.

Don't skulk, it's unbecoming of a lady, Callie. Smile, your teeth are gorgeous, darling.

Media is nothing but a bad influence. Stay away from men, Callie.

They were all smart people, the smartest the world had to offer. They weren't dangerous or frightening to me, I told Cap. He responded that their work was, and that the CIA was no place for a young lady. I wanted to tell him where to shove that shit, but Cap says it's foul for a lady to use profanity.

Maybe I didn't realize it, but before my seventeenth birthday, my life was extremely limited. I was always to stay in the apartment building, whether I was on Cap's floor, or my own. Television for forty-five minutes a day, if I could get the old piece of crap to pick up a station. No interaction with anyone but Cap, or perhaps a maid. Tutoring five hours a day, except for weekends. Bed by ten o'clock.

The only privilege that wasn't limited? The two thousand dollar computer system in my bedroom.

Don't open any windows, Callie. You must stay hidden.

Don't go near the telephone, dear. You never know who's listening.

It was all I wanted to do most days. I was a skilled hacker, I had nothing else to do but learn to wiggle my way into every blocked database, sneak through the most secure of firewalls... hack into CIA files. That skill would come in handy, down the line.

I never asked Cap for anything, because I didn't need to. He gave me everything I could possibly desire in his mind, as long as it could be stored on my floor. Cap was a rich man, a handsome one, with plenty of assets. I had a lady's clothing, dresses and skirts, makeup and hairbrushes, scented lotions and perfumes. I had more than any child ever should.

The only thing I ever opened my mouth to ask for was a position by his side- at CIA headquarters, of course. He really was The Captain, and while the CIA's forces had been substantially diminished by the 1978 attack on the White House, Cap lead the strongest resistance against the Rebel Underground.

The people who had my Jess.

So at my seventeenth birthday party I couldn't hear the pretty piano music, and I couldn't hear the undercover agents spewing about trivial things. I could only see the outlines of their badges under their clothing, see their identification cards hidden among their purses, I could only see the life I wanted slipping away.

And I could hear Cap's voice in the back of my head. Listen to what I say, Callie. I only want what's best for you.

Cap didn't give me everything I wanted, truly. I wanted to wear jeans and t-shirts, I wanted to have messy hair, I wanted to eat cheap pizza with friends-if he'd allow me to have some. I wanted to spend all night watching television, I wanted to go to school. I wanted to be an agent, in the field, interacting with the RUG, I wanted Jess back.

I got none of those things, not from Cap. He did the best he could with a child that wasn't his.

So during the party I sat in a corner of the large ballroom, watching the agents dance in their fancy dresses and suits, laughing and smiling. I thought about the fact that they could walk straight out of the building whenever they wanted, they could be free. It was the first time I'd left the apartment in three years.

I sat there, wearing a dress that cost more than most people made in a year's time. I stared at my perfectly painted toes and fingers, my evenly toned caramel skin that hadn't seen the sun since childhood. I resisted the urge to play with the vibrant curls of hair that tumbled down past my shoulders. I sat like a lady, back up straight. I didn't skulk.

I was trapped inside a plastic exterior, banging on the walls, trying to break free. I didn't want to be a lady, but I wanted to please Cap.

"Callie?" A warm hand placed itself on my shoulder and he was beside me, wearing a kind smile. Cap helped me to my feet, wrapping his arms around my waist for a hug. It felt strange since I was wearing heels, and I was much taller than normal. "Happy birthday, dear," he whispered, placing a soft kiss against my temple.

"Thanks, Cap." I nodded politely, looking up at him. He winked, taking my hand. "Come, they've got a table ready for us on the mezzanine."

We climbed an elegant staircase to a small level overlooking the ballroom. He pulled out my chair for me, as he always had, and I took a seat. He did not have to tell me to put my cloth napkin in my lap, or not to touch the silverware until the food arrived. I took a dainty sip of water while he rattled off an order to the nearest waiter, he knew what I would want to eat.

We made small talk until the food arrived, he teased me, we laughed a little. To many he was the stone-cold leader of an intelligence agency, but most of the time I still saw him as the man who use to keep Tootsie Rolls in his suit jacket for me.

The meal was salad. I used my salad fork to eat it, one leaf at a time. Cap says it's unladylike to have too much in your mouth at once.

"How have you been lately, darling? I know I haven't been around much, but..." He didn't have to explain, I knew how busy he was, and I was still lonely. I wanted to help him, but most of all I wanted to escape that stupid apartment building.

"Were you at HQ?" I asked nonchalantly, stirring my salad idly. He stopped eating his, and wiped at his mouth with the cloth napkin. "Callie," he sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. We'd been over it a million times by then, why I couldn't join the CIA, why I shouldn't want to, why I should be happy spending every day and night in my cage.

"You know, maybe your work load would lighten if you let me go with you. Or maybe you would already know how I've been doing lately if I worked where you work, because we'd see each other more. You know that it's unfair, keeping me away from it all because you think I can't handle it. I can handle it, trust me. I can hack better than anyone there, and you know it. I'm not... entertained, sitting around in that apartment all day, I want to help-"

He held up one of his hands to silence me, and sighed deeply. "I know this Callie, you've told me many times." The waiter placed a glass of champagne before the both of us. While Cap might get himself a refill at some point during the night, I was restricted to one glass.

"I wanted to wait until you were older, I ... I wanted to keep you innocent for just a little while longer," his eyes seemed sincere but I didn't want to hear any more of his excuses. I sat my fork down gently beside my salad plate, placed my hands in my lap and refused to look at him.

"But I see now that you've given me no choice, because I want to make you happy. Callie?" I looked over again and he was removing a flat jewelry case from his pocket. My eyebrows furrowed curiously as he slid it across the table to me, looking a bit wary. Hoping it wasn't another trivial piece of gold jewelry I flipped the top open.

The shiny seal of the CIA gleamed, greeting me with its mystique and shine. A grin replaced the neutral expression I was wearing, and I had the strong urge to kiss Cap. It sounded weird in my own mind, but we'd done it before, informal pecks on the cheek.

I kept my composure as a lady should, and reached into the case for the badge. A golden chain was attached to it, perfect for wearing. "Oh, Cap." I whispered, guilty for having lectured him a few seconds before. "If you want to join, that's okay with me. You're a smart girl, and you could be a real asset."

Clutching the badge to my chest I threw a million questions his way, until I reached the most important one. "Am I field agent?"

Cap coughed lightly and then laughed, shaking his head at me emphatically. "Oh gods, no, darling," he said, running one of his large hands over his hair. He had weird mannerisms, most of which I'd picked up myself. He wasn't American, I always knew that, and certain parts of his British accent had wormed their way into my own tone. He was the only one I talked to since I was an impressionable child.

"But... I thought..."

"You're going to be a hacker, dear. There is no way in hell I'd let you near the RUG, they're dangerous, and they will hurt you. I want you safe at HQ, where no harm can come to you." My grin dissipated, but I still ran my fingers over the surface of the badge in a loving manner.

"I can take care of myself," I mumbled sourly.

"What was that, darling? Mumbling-"

"Is unbecoming of a lady, I know." I snapped back at him involuntarily, resisting the temptation to lean back against my chair. Cap's eyes were still soft as they studied me, and be began to eat his salad again. He could slump forward if he wanted to, or chew more than one piece of lettuce at a time. I found it hypocritical.

I reached for my salad fork again, but he gripped my hand before I could touch it. I was slightly surprised when he pressed a kiss against the back of it, tracking the outline of my knuckles with the pad of his thumb. "I cannot wait until you are eighteen a year from now," he said, releasing my hand. "Things will be better for the both of us."

I didn't know what he meant, and I didn't care. I ate my salad, curiously peering at my dessert fork.

****

I never followed all the rules, and Cap wasn't around nearly enough to enforce them. My bedroom was a sanctuary, an unorthodox jumble of all the things that made me happy. It was an extremely large place, painted my favorite color- purple. At least it was my favorite when I moved in, ten years prior.

There were several posters taped to the wall, all of which I procured with extreme difficulty, but Nina- the girl next door-helped with that. I had several, most of which were Guns N' Roses, Bon Jovi, and Poison, since the old radio on the nightstand beside my bed only picked up the Hard Rock station. The TV was mounted on the wall opposite my bed, and only worked when turned to MTV or ABC.

I could never let Cap know I liked such things, he thought rock corrupts the mind.

There was a large window shaded by curtains, which I wasn't allowed to open. Adjoining was one of two bathrooms on my floor, complete with a whirlpool bath, a steam shower and several sinks.

I watched MTV all the time, and I wanted to be like the girls I saw. I wanted to wear torn old shirts and short skirts, I wanted to roll out of bed in the morning without brushing my hair, I wanted to go out all night, drinking and listening to good music. But I wasn't even allowed to open the window.

That doesn't mean I didn't.

I had one t-shirt Nina had given me, and one pair of jeans that just barely fit. The most informal shoes I owned were a pair of black converse that were too small for Nina, and I had a red baseball cap that Nina had stopped wearing. She left them on my windowsill for me, per my request, and I had treasured them like they were gold.

In a world filled with formal dresses and rules, I valued my ratty clothes most of all. I put them on and watched MTV for my permitted forty-five minutes a day, and during that time I felt a little closer to normal.

I wore them as I told Nina about my induction, sitting in the open windowsill. Nina lived across the way in a different apartment building, a normal one. The were close enough so that we could touch each other if we wanted, downtown D.C was a busy place. The sounds of the city floated into my room when I was talking to her, a music I loved almost as much as Bret Michaels.

"So that's it, you're gonna go work for them now?" Nina said, her brownish hair floating lazily in the wind. She was a nice girl, Nina, who had a lot of friends, went to the local high school. She was normal. God, how I wanted to be Nina.

I nodded, holding out the badge and watching it twist around naturally on it's chain. "Yeah, I'm going today, too. To get... inducted?" She watched me carefully, glancing between the badge and my face. "Well, it's what you always wanted, isn't it? I guess I assumed you'd be a bit happier about it." I hung the badge around my neck, nodding. "Yeah, but... I always wanted to be a field agent, you know?"

I knew what she was thinking, how could I possibly be a field agent when I was too scared to even explore the alley below our windows? I was dead set on the notion that Cap had installed cameras down there.

"Callie?" A distant voice called, emanating from the interior of my apartment. "Oh, uh," I stammered, glancing at my bedroom door in a panic. "I'll be back!" I hissed and put all my weight into lowering the window back into place. I locked it and drew the curtains, kicking off my sneakers. I pulled off the shirt and jeans, practically jumping into a cashmere sweater and a matching skirt.

I pulled my hair back tightly after running a comb through it, and kicked the clothing underneath my bed. Hopefully the maid wouldn't make her rounds that afternoon, and discover my hidden cache of valuables.

Cap was waiting in the front room, dressed in his usual black suit and tie. He was an important man, he always told me, and important men had to look their best at all times. I told him I'd seen him after he rolled out of bed in the morning, and that he looked just fine then too.

He grinned at me as I approached, arms crossed over his chest with pride. "Well, look at you. All ready for your first day on the job." I couldn't tell if he was being sarcastic or truthful, but I smiled regardless. "Yep! Let's go!" I rushed to the elevator doors, tugging him along with me. "Whoa, alright," Cap chuckled gently, and pushed a button on the side panel, triggering the doors to open.

Into the tiny compartment we went. I was practically vibrating with joy, feeling freer than I had since I'd roamed the White House grounds unsupervised.

As we approached the double doors leading to the outside he told me to hold his hand, which I did, as if I was a five-year-old crossing the street. "Keep your head down until we get to the car," he whispered, pushing open the doors. Outside was the same Crown Victoria that had driven me here ten years ago, and taken me to the party the night before. He pried open the door for me and I slipped inside, taking in the fresh scent of upholstery.

The car pulled away as soon as we were safely inside, and the entirety of the ride was filled with warnings and threats. If I was insubordinate, everything was over. If I went outside the building without permission, everything was over. If I didn't report to him at the end of every day, everything was over. It was a hard act he was putting on, but I saw right through it. I knew that he was just scared.

And finally we pulled up to an ordinary brick building, 'Busch Printing and Signs Incorporated'. I was pretty confused as we quickly went to the building, entering a lobby-type room with a desk, and normal people milling about. The sight of them immediately put me on edge, being locked up in that apartment for ten years hadn't exactly allowed me to spread my wings as a social butterfly. It was quite the opposite really, the sight of mass amounts of people made me increasingly anxious.

There was another elevator which we immediately stepped into, only this time Cap punched in some weird code on a little key pad in there. The elevator went down, quickly too, until I was sure we were deep in the recesses of the Earth's crust. Neither of us said a word, a crease had appeared between Cap's golden eyebrows, and that crease was indicative of the fact that he meant business.

My breath escaped me when those elevator doors parted, and suddenly we were in a huge space, like a bunker of sorts, only decked out with the latest technologies of the time. Big screens plastered on the back wall, advertising numbers, military coordinates, information on anyone who was worth watching. Row after row of computers lay before me, each one paired with a person in a headset, typing and hacking away.

There were several different departments walled off, I noticed each of them as we filed our way through. One tracking the movement of the RUG, one digging up dirt on the known members, another deciphering their plans. It made butterflies flutter in my chest, knowing I was there amongst all those agents, right in the center of the action.

I spotted the field agents across the room, and it was like I'd been struck by lightning. No one even had to tell me, their camouflage outfits and dark aviator sunglasses gave it all away. They were heading towards the elevator and I couldn't help but stare as they passed by, wishing that I was with them.

I was still holding Cap's hand, and I had the extreme desire to let go. I had the chance once we stopped walking, approaching a small cubicle with an empty computer. A woman was walking up at just the same time, and her appearance was a bit frightening. She had tan skin, darker than mine, but her hair was light brown. Her eyes were the same color. She was built like a mountain, as tall as Cap, with broader shoulders and thicker legs.

"Captain," she respectively nodded to Cap, and focused her attention on me. Her facial features were the only soft thing about her, as if time had eroded every bit of femininity from every part of her except it. "And this must be our newest little rookie," she said, her eyes were dragging themselves up and down my body. I wondered if she was a lesbian.

"Yes. Callie, this is Carlisle. Carlisle, Callie." She held out her hand, and I stared at it, a bit confused at what she was getting at. "Take her hand," Cap said gently, and I awkwardly did so, cringing as she almost crushed the bones in my hand with her tight grip. I shook the pain away casually once she let go.

"Carlisle here is the head of the computer intelligence department," Cap explained. "She'll be your superior, she'll show you the ropes. Should I leave you to it?" He was staring at Carlisle, and it bothered me. I wanted to go where he was going essentially, it had to be substantially more exciting than a tiny cubicle with puke-colored walls and a computer half as expensive as my own. There had to be a thousand people there, and Cap was in charge of them all.

I didn't answer, resisting a scowl as he planted a kiss on my cheek. "You can always find me if it gets too hard," he said gently, squeezing my arm. I didn't bother with a response as he strode away quickly, with a nod to Carlisle.

"Alright, why don't we get you all logged in to the system, huh?" Carlisle said choppily as I plopped down in the cheap swivel chair in front of the computer. I didn't bother to ask for a password, it took me all of five seconds to hack my way in.

"You didn't have to do that," Carlisle cleared her throat. "But I suppose your way works too."

She tried to get me familiarized with the system, when really I didn't need her in the least. The only problem was that some of the links and tabs I was most desperate to get into were barred from my view, the history of the CIA, something called 'The Heist.' Carlisle said that all of it was unnecessary for me to know, which only made me more curious to find out.

Cap didn't answer my questions, not when I was a girl, not when I was a teen. I knew virtually nothing, I had no idea why one day I woke up in my bedroom in the West Wing of the White House, and the next in Cap's apartment building. I used to ask when I was younger, but as time passed I got the feeling that he wanted me to remain ignorant. It only added fuel to the fire of mystique.

"So, uh, The Captain. You... and him?" I stared into her copper-colored eyes for the longest time, until I figured out what she meant. "Oh! You mean... romantically? No!" I blushed. The only experience with romance I had was from the late-night movies that came across my television screen when I dared to break the rules. Baby and Johnny Castle's romance seemed so vulgar, I hadn't even thought of Cap in that way, not since I was little more than a toddler.

"He's like... a father, sort of," I tried to explain to her, and relief seemed to flood her features. "Oh, well... that's good," she said, clearing her throat again. I didn't recognize it at the time, but she'd had a certain gleam in her eye when Cap was standing beside us, and she was all too happy to find out the truth about us. "He saved me, when I was little. He's taken care of me ever since."

"Like... a daughter?" I shrugged, "Sort of."

She questioned me for a little while longer, and when she was satisfied she finally receded to her own desk. Her computer was at least twice the size of mine, and I could just barely see the screen over the top wall of my cubicle. None of the links and tabs were barred from her, she could see everything.

I knew that if I wanted to know the truth about the RUG and my father's disappearance, the answers were there, and I knew that hacking in could ultimately cost me my job.

I did it anyway.

~fin~