2 months later –

“Okay gather around everyone its time for our family photo!” Mrs. Kingston smiled brightly taking out her Fujifilm Polaroid camera, it was white exactually the same as my light blue one- other than the colour.

“I don’t actually look good in pictures…” I mumbled awkwardly and stood up from the decorated table, Gael rolled his eyes and put his arms round my shoulders squeezing me.

“Shut up…you look god in my grandmas Christmas sweater” I stifled my laugh and slapped his stomach. Mrs. Kingston rolled her eyes and slapped Gael on his head “Stop making fun of your grandmothers sweater, Estelle looks good in that”

Gael gave me a goofy smile and patted my shirt “I agree mom. Estelle does look good in her kitty Kat Christmas sweater” I growled and elbowed Gael in ribs making him bend over in pain.

“Leave my kitty cat alone” I smiled tightly at Gael and patted my sweater that had a knitted cat on it that was wearing Christmas decorations. I walked out of the kitchen and made my inside, I sat down next to Gaels old grandma.

“Don’t let these idiots get to you sweetheart” I smiled and patted Lauran’s hand.

“Don’t worry, there not getting to me” Lauran signed and handed me a box “This is for Jessica, I made it for her but she isn’t her” I took the box out of Lauran’s hand.

“Once she’s back I’ll give it to her” Lauran smiled and grabbed her walking stick, grabbing onto my arm she pushed her self up “Where you going nonna?” I asked as she started to walk out of the room.

“To the bathroom” I nodded my head and pulled out my buzzing phone. It was a text from Jessica.

Jessica: How’s Christmas going so far for you?

Me: Great, Gaels nonna knitted me a sweater…

Jessica: Really? Aww that’s so cute.

Me: I was being- never mind, how’s Theo going?

Jessica: great his family’s so good and his mom. BEST. TURKEY. EVER.

I chuckled and ignored Gaels arm that was now wrapped around my shoulders.

Me: Not as good as Mrs. Kingston’s turkey

Jessica: Whatever.

I rolled my eyes and typed back.

 Me: Okay…. Still coming back for NY?

Jessica: I’m not sure…it depends if Theo asks same to stay with him until NY.

Me: Okay lover girl and lover boy, have fun I gtg.

Jessica: Me too, see ya.

Me: Bye.

“How’s her boy toy?” I rolled my eyes and shoved my phone back into my pocket.

“He’s good, they’re getting along pretty good.”

 Jessica had been seeing a guy at school named Theo. They had known each other since primary and now were dating. Before school had finished Theo had asked Jessica if she could join him for Christmas back in Arizona where his grandma and grandpa lived.

So I allowed Jessica to fly over to Arizona with Theo and his parents for Christmas.

“I like Christmas. This is the first Christmas I have ever felt welcomed.” I spoke after a long silence, Gael nodded and clenched his jaw “Everything okay?” I asked, Gael looked at me and nodded.

“Everything’s fine…” I signed and shook Gael “Come on tell me what’s up?”

“Its just that Christmas reminds me of something dark…” I frowned and twisted my body towards Gael. “You know you can tell me anything” Gael nodded his head and gave me a small smile.

“I know…I don’t think right know is the time though, my mom gets way too excited about pictures, she would probs cut off our heads if we keep ignoring her” I laughed and stood up.

“Come on Estelle and Gael” Mrs. Kingston squealed from the larger living room that was near the dinning room “Coming ma!” Gale screamed as he stood up.

“Told you she gets way too excited” Gael winked at me.

 It was a very long night. Food, drinks, Christmas carols and more food. It was beautiful, it felt so great to experience such normality and forget about all the chaos that had happened in my life.

After prom and graduation everyone had left either going overseas for family holidays or going over to stay at their family’s house. Since Claudine had practically unfriended me I hadn’t seen her much. I saw her at prom and graduation; the only thing I got from her was a dry Hello.

But I don’t care anymore. It was her choice, not mine.

 After a hot shower, I changed into my black nightgown and made my way out to the front porch. Sitting on Gales grandmothers’ rocking chair I lifted my feet up to my chest and looked up at the sky admiring the bright twinkling stars.

“I don’t understand why you come out here every night” Gaels voices came out of nowhere making me jump. Gael chuckled and sat down next to me on a chair.

“I come out here to look at the stars” Gaels brows furrowed “Why?” I signed and looked up at the twinkling stars “Because stars are so simple, peaceful and unique” Gael nodded his head and signed leaning back.

“Thursday, December 25 was that day that pretty much makes me what I am today” Gael nervously spoke after a long silence. Looking away from the sky, I looked at Gael in curiosity.

“What?” I asked in confusions making Gael huff out a breath. “As a kid Christmas was my most favorite part of the year. Nonna came, aunts, uncles. I would get presents, eat lots of candy do all the normal Christmassy things a kid would do.”

Gael paused for a minute looking at me with glistening dark brown eyes.

“My aunts, uncles, cousins-the whole family was outside after we had taken our pics and eaten.  It was a traditional thing we would do. We all sat outside in front of the hot pit of fire. My parents, uncles and aunts would sing Christmas carols while me and my cousin’s roasted marshmallows.

Everything was simple, fun. After a while the adults went inside leaving my 3 older cousins looking after us. I was playing with my cousins- Brendon when he pushed me.” Gael let out a breath and closed his eyes tightly.

 “What happened then?” I whispered.

“I tripped over a log and went back first into the pit of fire. My stupid 3 cousins that were supposed to be looking after me didn’t even bother trying to put me out; instead they ran away screaming for help just like my other stupid cousins.

By the time they had gotten up the hill and to my parents I was already burnt out. My parents came, put me out and called the ambulance. I was so close to leaving this world when I arrived at the hospital. I didn’t though.  I fought through it and made it.

I had lost all my sense that night. Couple months later I was slowly getting my senses back, I was being treated and taken care of. I stayed in the hospital for months, trying to recover.

When I was out of hospital, I was named ‘scar boy’ because of my scars from my stomach all the way to the back of my head down to my back. I was bullied as a kid, when I moved into high school; I couldn’t take it anymore and became the bully putting up a wall, so I wouldn’t get hurt again.

I loved my cousins, all of them. They had hurt me… this is why I don’t let people in. Because I’m scared if they hurt me. I’m so fucking scared that they will hurt me.

Deep down, I’m still there, the sweet Gael that loves his parents. That prefers to kiss his mom and dad goodnight before they go to sleep. The guy that wants to find love-fall in love, not find some shitty one night stand every day. I don’t want that. I don’t want to be that arrogant dick that hurts people, makes people lives miserable, and plays with girls. I don’t want to be that guy.”

Gael let out a loud breath of air "That was a fucked up night." he paused and looked over at me with his dark brown eyes filled with tears, Gael let a tear fall down his face "Why are you crying?” in that moment I had lost it.

I crumbled down.

I let out a choked sob, when Gael reached out and wiped away my tears.

“Please don’t cry” Gael pleaded, nodding my head I wiped away my tears. “Since I’m being open here, I want to tell you something” I looked at Gael wiping under my eyes “What is it?” I asked.

“Can you keep a secret?” I nodded my head “Yes, I can” Gael smiled at me and grabbed my hand, he squeezed it tightly.

“I like you Estelle.” Gael admitted honesty, I swallowed and nodded my head “I mean- really, really like you”

I nodded my not sure if I should tell him how I felt about him. How over the last 2 months my feelings towards him have changed.  

“Can you keep a secret Mr. Kingston?” I asked, Gael nodded a small smile playing on his lips.

“Yes, I can.” I smiled.

“I like you too Gael” I paused “Like- really, really like you”