#RTG19 Chapter 19

I looked at my watch. I really needed to go to the office dahil may kailangan pa akong kunin before akong pumunta sa court. I knew I needed to go, pero hindi ako maka-alis dahil kay Sean. He was looking at me like he wanted to say something... And I knew it was about the case. I caught him reading articles about the case. I told him he shouldn't read too much dahil karamihan sa mga nandun, either fake o exaggerated... Ongoing pa iyong kaso. Bawal pang maglabas ng information.

"Sean," I called. Ayokong umalis na ganito siya. Nagsabi naman ako sa kanya dati tungkol dito sa kaso... Pumayag naman siya... Hindi na ako pwedeng magbackout ngayon. Kung sana dati niya pa sinabi.

Tumingin siya sa 'kin. There was a worried smile on his face.

"Are we okay?" I asked.

"Of course," he replied. "Just one more hearing, right?"

"Yeah," I said. "Closing arguments and I'm done."

"Okay," sabi niya. "Okay, I can take that."

Lumapit siya sa akin at niyakap ako. I hugged him back. I always felt so relaxed with me inside his arms... Although the previous months have been rocky... I was glad that we managed to pull through. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang mangyayari kung hindi kami naging maayos ni Sean. I really couldn't see myself with anyone but him...

"Please take care, okay?"

"Always," I replied.

"This weekend, let's visit the condo?"

"Okay," I said. "And if you wanna buy baby stuff—"

"Yes," mabilis na sagot niya. Natawa ako.

We kissed before I finally left the condo. Pumunta muna ako sa office and then dumiretso na ako sa court for the schedule. Kinausap ko muna si Fred, and bilib talaga ako sa sarili ko dahil totoo ngang nakaka-pikon siya... But I kept on reminding myself that he's our client and that matatapos naman na 'to... Hopefully, hindi ko na siya makikita ulit... O baka makita ko ulit siya dahil sa itsura niya pa lang, mukhang gagawa na naman siya ng gulo.

Minsan talaga, ang hirap maging magulang ng entitled na bata... They'd always get in trouble and you'd feel the responsibility of bailing them out kasi nasa isip mo, baka ikaw ang dahilan kung bakit nagka-ganyan.

Good thing Sean's with me—he'd be an outstanding father.

"Ano'ng ginagawa mo?" tanong ko kay Sancho nang makita kong naka-sunod siya sa akin after kong dumaan sa office.

"You're going to the court," he said.

"Yeah. Closing arguments."

"Okay," he replied.

"So, bakit ka naka-sunod sa akin?"

"Can I ride with you? May kukunin lang ako sa court?"

Instead of arguing, 'di na ako nagsalita pa. Pinasakay ko na lang siya sa sasakyan ko. I played classical music to relax myself. Last naman na 'to... Sana manalo. Sana talaga. Kung hindi, bahala na. I knew I did my best.

When I parked my car, napa-tingin ako kay Sancho.

"We're here," I said.

"Yeah," he simply replied.

I shrugged. Kinuha ko na lang iyong gamit ko at naglakad na ako papasok sa court. I really couldn't bother myself sa kung ano talaga ang pakay ni Sancho sa court. I really just wanted to get this case over with dahil stress talaga ang nakukuha ko sa lahat ng tao involved.

Not to be the devil's advocate, but if we ever get him acquitted of the charges, I seriously wish that he'll use gloves the next time! This whole case had been a fucking nightmare dahil sa nagkalat na prints niya!

Pagpasok ko sa loob ng court, nakita ko na nandun na si Fred. Nandun na rin iyong tatay nung biktima. I averted his gaze. I knew how badly it must've hurt... Nawala iyong buong pamilya niya ng isang iglap... Kung ako siya? Baka hindi na humihinga si Fred ngayon.

"Good morning," I greeted.

"You better wish I fucking win," Fred said.

"I'm doing my best," I replied with a forced smile.

Tahimik lang ako habang naghihintay kami sa pagdating ni Judge Duenas. I let my co-counsel talk with Fred—less condescending kasi siya sa lalaki... Fucking sexist. Bakit ba kasi talaga ako nilagay sa kaso na 'to?

"Let us finish this quietly, okay? Let me do my job," sabi ko kay Fred nang marinig ko iyong maraming reklamo niya sa co-counsel ko. He just scoffed at me. Pambihira. There's no bursting this person's ego.

Nang dumating si Judge Duenas, tumayo na kaming lahat.

"Just be quiet, okay?" I reminded Fred again.

Everything was running smoothly... The prosecution was the first one to read their closing arguments. Binabasa ko ulit iyong hinanda kong argument...

"You fucking asshole!" biglang sigaw ni Fred sa tabi ko.

Agad na nanlaki ang mga mata ko dahil halos talunin niya iyong table sa harapan namin para abutin iyong prosecutor. Shit!

"She didn't dump me! She's a fucking whore and she deserved every inch of what she got!" sigaw pang muling ni Fred.

Shit!

Nagkaka-gulo lahat sa paligid ko. The guards tried to restrain him, but he was being so violent. He kept on shouting and kicking! Fuck! I told him na dapat tumahimik lang siya! Kung kailan patapos na iyong hearing, at saka siya magkakalat nang ganito?!

"Counsel, restrain your client or you'll both be cited for contempt!" Judge Duenas said.

My whole body went into panic. Agad kong nilapitan si Fred para patahimikin siya para hindi na lumala ang sitwasyon. We could've won this case! Marami kaming points of argument that could've gotten him acquitted! Pero ngayon?! Sa mga sinigaw niya?! Sa pagwawala niya?!

Huminga ako nang malalim.

"Atty, do your job!" sabi sa akin ng nanay ni Fred. Oh, for the love of God! Agad akong lumapit kay Fred para makiusap na kumalma na siya dahil lalo lang napapasama. "Fred—"

Parang tumigil ang mundo ko nang bigla niya akong itulak palayo sa kanya. Agad na tumama ang likod ko sa kahoy sa likuran. I felt the pain traversing my entire body. I bit my lower lip when I felt a sharp pain. Huminga ako nang malalim para pakalmahin ang sarili ko.

I rested both my hands on the table and breathed evenly. I closed my eyes and forced myself to think happy thoughts... but I still heard Fred screaming and cursing like there's no tomorrow.

This case... this case was fucked.

The judge called for a recess. Fred finally calmed down. Tahimik lang ako sa isang gilid. I held my stomach. Matatapos din 'to. Mawawala rin si Fred sa buhay ko. He'd been, by far, the most challenging client I ever had. He's so fucking stressful.

When the session resumed, I delivered my closing argument. Good thing Fred kept his mouth shut. Nang matapos iyon ay tahimik akong lumabas. God, I just wanted to go home to Sean. Everything today had been chaotic.

"What?" I asked nang makita ko si Sancho sa parking. "Don't tell me sakto rin iyong tapos ng ginagawa mo sa hearing ko?"

"Is your back okay?" he asked.

"Nandun ka kanina?"

"Yeah."

"Yeah, I'm fine," I just said. May check-up naman kami ni Sean bukas. Sinusunod ko naman lahat ng bilin nila pagdating sa tamang diet at pagtulog nang maaga... Today was just different...

"Tell HR that you're pregnant," he said.

"Yeah. First agenda tomorrow, don't worry," I replied.

I opened the passenger seat of my car and threw my bag in there. Pagkatapos ay tumingin ako kay Sancho. "Do you need a ride?" I asked. Kailangan ko pa rin kasing bumalik sa office ngayon... Kung ako lang e didiretso ako sa ospital para puntahan si Sean.

Thankfully, Sancho was quiet during the ride. Wala rin kasi ako sa mood magsalita. Iniisip ko pa rin iyong nangyari kanina. Siguro malaki iyong chance na wala na talaga... Kailangan na lang sigurong mag-appeal.

Kahit naman sabihin ko na kasalanan ni Fred, sa akin pa rin naman ang bagsak. Ako iyong lawyer. I should've done better. Kung sana lang talaga ay hindi siya napikon kanina at nagwala sa loob ng court.

"Pupunta ako kay Atty. Divina. Sasama ka rin?" nagbibiro kong tanong kay Sancho. He's been a good friend. I appreciated his concern.

"I'll just wait outside the door."

I laughed shortly. "Whatever floats your boat, Cantavieja," sagot ko bago bumaba ng sasakyan.

Pagbalik namin sa office, dumiretso ako kay Atty. Divina, but luckily, he's elsewhere... Well, at least may oras ako para huminga. Bumalik ako sa office ko. I sat on my chair and closed my eyes. Nakaka-pagod... Gusto ko na lang munang umalis at magbakasyon. Pakiramdam ko ay hindi ako magiging productive dahil sobrang burnout ko sa lahat ng mga nangyari.

"Atty," pagtawag sa akin ni Paige. "Tawag ka ni Atty. Divina."

"Okay. Thank you."

Huminga ako nang malalim bago pumunta sa office niya. I just nodded and agreed with everything that he told me. There's no use in defending myself. Kahit gusto kong sisihin si Fred, I knew that at the end of the day, it was still my fault. I was his lawyer and I didn't do my job. Kahit gusto kong isumbat na hindi ko specialization ang criminal law dahil sa civil talaga ako, alam ko na hindi ko pwedeng gawin iyon dahil pinag-aralan ko rin naman iyong criminal.

At the end of the day, I was at fault.

I didn't do enough.

"I'm sorry, Sir," I said.

"Apologies won't win the case, Atty. Laurel!" he shouted.

I almost flinched at how loud he was shouting at me. I kept seated hanggang sa matapos siya sa sermon na sinasabi niya sa akin.

"Just go back to your cases," sabi niya nang matapos siya.

"Thank you, Sir," I replied.

Tumayo ako at lumakad palabas. Nakita ko si Sancho na nandun. I smiled at him. Ngumiti ako nang pagka-laki-laki para maiwasan ko iyong pagtulo ng luha ko. But my entire body was shaking. Hindi ko na alam kung ano iyong una kong kailangang maramdaman.

"Lyana—"

"What?" I asked when his eyes looked like they widened in fear.

Hindi siya nakapagsalita. Naka-tingin lang siya sa binti ko. Mabilis na sinundan ng mga mata ko iyong tingin niya. Para bang huminto iyong buong mundo ko nang makita ko iyon.

Hindi ako maka-galaw.

Hindi ko alam ang gagawin.

"Yung baby," sabi ko habang naka-tingin sa binti ko habang patuloy na tumutulo iyong dugo. Ramdam na ramdam ko iyong bilis ng tibok ng puso ko. "Sancho, 'yung baby... Si Sean..."

Mabilis na binuhat ako ni Sancho papunta sa elevator. Hindi ko na namalayan iyong ibang pangyayari. Si Sean lang iyong nasa isip ko. 'Yung baby. Hindi siya pwedeng mawala. Hindi pwede. Magagalit si Sean sa 'kin.

"Sancho, 'yung baby..."

He looked at me. "You'll be fine," he said.

"Yung baby..."

"Let's go to the hospital first, okay?"

I nodded as I felt the tears running down my face. Hindi ako maka-hinga nang maayos. Nanginginig ang kamay ko nang kinuha ko iyong cellphone sa bulsa ko. Parang lalabas iyong puso ko mula sa dibdib ko habang hinihintay ko na sumagot si Sean sa tawag ko.

"Hey," masaya niyang sagot.

"Sean..." I said as I felt tears flow down my cheek.

"Hey, what's with the tone?" seryosong sagot niya.

"I'm on my way to the hospital," sabi ko sa kanya.

"Here? Why? Do you wanna have lunch?"

I bit my lower lip. Paano ko sasabihin sa kanya? Hindi ko alam. Mahal na mahal niya na iyong baby kahit wala pa... Natatakot ako na baka sisihin niya ako sa nangyari... Ginawa ko naman lahat... Inalagaan ko naman 'yung sarili ko...

Maybe I should've just taken a break habang buntis ako.

I should've declined the job.

I should've prioritized the pregnancy.

"Sob? Why aren't you answering? You're making me nervous."

"The baby, Sean... There was blood on my legs... I don't know what's happening... I'm going to the hospital right now..." tahimik kong sabi pero wala akong narinig mula sa kanya. Sumikip nang sumikip iyong dibdib ko. "Sean... Sean, I'm sorry..."

"What hospital?" he asked.

"St. Matthew's," I replied. "Sean—"

"I'll wait outside," he said before dropping the call. I bit my lower lip but the tears continued to fall.