#RTG05 Chapter 05

My family stayed in Manila for the next few days kaya naman hindi ko nakita si Sean. We stayed in a hotel and had a staycation. Hindi ko masyadong pinansin iyong phone ko dahil gusto kong maka-sama iyong pamilya ko. My parents were old... so I wanted to spend as much time as possible with them. Isa rin 'to sa dahilan kung bakit dapat na akong maka-pasa agad. It's my father's dream to become a lawyer... pero wala silang pera dati kaya hindi siya nakapag-aral. Kaya naman pinipilit ko na maging abogado agad para makita niya na mayroon siyang anak na abogado.

I dropped them off at the bus station since mas gusto ni Papa iyon para less hassle. Ayaw niya magdrive at ayaw niya rin ng driver. 'Di ko naman sila pwedeng ihatid sa Nueva dahil mag-e-enroll pa ako sa review center tapos may aayusin pa ako for graduation.

From: Doc Sean

Still busy?

To: Doc Sean

Kinda. Bout to enroll for review class

From: Doc Sean

Great. Pick you up in a few.

Agad na kumunot ang noo ko. Someone was persistent. Halos isang linggo lang naman kaming hindi nagkita—and isang linggo kaming literal na magkasama sa Maldives... I just really didn't bother texting him because I wanted to know how I'd feel like without him.

And I missed him...

But my will to focus on the BAR was much stronger. It's been there even before Sean came into my life.

Inayos ko iyong kailangan ko para sa review center. I knew that the school had higher expectation lalo na at sa school namin nanggaling iyong top 1 last BAR... And to be honest, I just wanted to pass the exam. Wala naman akong balak magtop.

Pero sabi nga nila, it's better to dream high so that if you fall short of your dreams, you're still in a good place...

So, maybe, top 10 would be the goal.

And with that goal in mind, I better study my ass of.

Nang magtext si Sean na nasa baba na siya, I headed straight to the parking. Agad na nakita ko iyong BMW niya. I got in and kissed his cheek.

"Your family still in Manila?" he asked.

Umiling ako. "They left yesterday," I replied. Mabuti na lang at kahapon pa umalis sila Papa... Kasi kung ngayon tapos magkikita kami ni Sean, nakaka-hiya kasi mugto iyong mata ko. Ewan ko. Naiiyak talaga ako kapag hinahatid ko sila. Kaya after ng BAR, promise talaga sa Nueva ako maghihintay ng results... o kaya magbabakasyon kami.

I could be really tough in front of other people, pero pagdating sa family ko, 'dun ako mahina.

"Breakfast?" Sean asked while he's already driving.

"Sure, but I need to go to the review center first," sagot ko.

Habang tahimik lang akong naka-upo roon, nagulat ako nang biglang abutin ni Sean iyong kamay ko at hawakan. I looked at him, my forehead creased, but he merely just smiled and shrugged.

This guy...

Pinabayaan ko lang siya. I didn't want to confront him about this. Kasi if malandi lang talaga siya, mase-stress ako. O kung seryoso siya, ayokong magkaroon ng ibang focus bukod sa pagrereview. Tama nga talaga iyong advice nila na kung anuman ang relationship mo, ganon lang dapat.

"I'll be fast," I said, kissing his cheek bago ako lumabas sa sasakyan niya papasok sa review center. Pagdating ko roon, may nakita akong mga familiar na mukha, pero wala masyado iyong mga sis ko kasi alam ko nasa Paris sila to celebrate our graduation. Baka naki-suyo na lang sa pag-e-enroll or something. 'Di talaga ako close sa kanila.

"Please fill out this form," sabi sa akin nung babae sabay abot ng paper. I thanked her and then looked for a place kasi medyo maraming sasagutan. Nang maka-upo ako, next na problema ko ay wala pala akong dalang ballpen!

"Excuse—"

Agad akong natigilan dahil hindi ko napansin na nasa tabi ko na pala si Sancho. Kanina pa ba siya dito? He's so... weird. But he's only weird to me kasi kapag kasama niya naman sina Nikolai at Vito, mukhang normal naman siya.

May problema ba 'to sa 'kin?

"What?" he asked nang matigilan ako.

"Do you have extra pen?" I asked. Umiling siya at saka bumalik sa pagsusulat. So rude!

Tumayo na ako at naghanap ng ballpen. I fill up the form elsewhere and when I was done, pinasa ko na agad 'yun. Sana hindi pa full iyong schedule na gusto ko. Ayoko na kasi ng night class gaya nung sa law school. Gusto ko ng normal na class tapos normal na tulog sa gabi. Sleep is essential for me to function to my fullest potential. Ayoko ng maging zombie kagaya nung law school days.

Nang maka-labas ako, dumiretso ako pabalik sa sasakyan ni Sean. I knocked on the door, waiting for it to open. 'Di ko kasi makita dahil heavily tinted iyong sasakyan niya.

"Oh, dear God!" sigaw ko nang biglang may humawak sa bewang ko. Mabuti na lang at nakita ko agad na si Sean 'yun.

"Whoa," he said, surprised at my reaction. "Are you okay?"

I nodded. "Yeah..." sabi ko habang naka-hawak sa dibdib ko dahil sa gulat. "Where did you go?" I asked. Medyo may pawis iyong sa taas ng noo niya. 'Di pa naman sanay mainitan 'to.

"Just bought something," he said. "You done?" I nodded. "Where do you wanna eat?"

I pursed my lips, smiling at the thought that came in my head. Napa-kunot ang noo ni Sean... but then, naintindihan niya kung ano iyong nasa isip ko.

He pinched my cheek. "Real food, Sob," he said. "But I like where your head is always at," sabi niya na natawa.

I frowned. I stuck my tongue out at him, pero natigilan ako nang makita ko si Sancho na palabas na rin ng review center. Agad na kumunot ang noo ko dahil naka-tingin siya sa akin.

He's so—what's his problem? Ang sungit niya sa 'kin!

"Let's go?" I said to Sean instead. Graduate naman na ako sa Brent. 'Di ko na makikita si Sancho. Bahala siya d'yan. As far as I was concerned, mabait naman ako sa kanya nung 1st year kami, so ano kaya ang naging problema niya sa 'kin? Kasi after nung 1st sem, biglang ganyan na siya.

Sean parked his car. Sabi niya, maglakad na lang daw kami and huminto sa kung saan man namin gustong kumain. Wala kasi akong masagot sa kanya kanina kung saan ko gustong kumain.

"Sean?"

Napa-hinto kami sa paglalakad nang may lumapit sa amin na babae. I looked at her and she's quite the opposite of me—she's got a fair skin, her eyes were wide like almond, and she's got a long black hair. Ang pareho lang namin ay halos magkasing tangkad kami.

"Hey," Sean replied. Hindi siya gumalaw. Nasa tabi ko pa rin siya.

"Didn't see you after the revalida," sabi nung babae.

Kaysa ma-OP ako sa kanila, kinuha ko na lang iyong phone ko at tinignan kung may nagmessage ba ulit sa akin. Sila Papa kasi nagpa-tarp pa na ga-graduate na ako! Kulit, e! Sabi ko kapag lawyer na talaga ako... pero sabi nila, achievement na raw na naka-graduate ako.

Cute talaga ng parents ko.

"Sob, Kelsey. Kelsey, Isobel."

Napa-tingin ako nang iintroduce ako ni Sean. Akala ko nalimutan niya na ako, e.

I just smiled.

"Are you from med din?" Kelsey asked.

"From law," I replied.

"Future lawyer," Sean said, seemingly so proud.

"Oh," she said, smiling... pero halata mo na disappointed. Isa rin siguro siya sa hoard ng babaeng may gusto rito sa kasama ko. I was used to it already. Kahit sa mismong classroom ko lang ang dami na agad, e.

'Di pa nila kilala masyado si Sean niyan... paano pa kapag nalaman nila how amazing and generous he is in bed?

Ugh. Nalulungkot na agad ako kapag natapos 'tong friendship namin.

"Congrats, Kelsey," Sean said. "We have to go," he continued. Ngumiti ako sa babae bago kami umalis.

"Who's that?" I asked.

"Classmate," he replied.

"She likes you," I said. He simply shrugged. Sanay na sanay na talaga 'tong maka-rinig na may nagkaka-gusto sa kanya.

Naglakad-lakad pa kami hanggang sa magdecide kami na sa Single Origin na kumain ng breakfast. It seemed na kahit dito ay kilala na si Sean. I was starting to think na kilala siya ng lahat ng tao sa Makati. Mayor ba 'to?

"When's your graduation?" he asked.

"Next month," I replied. "Yours?"

"Next week."

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko. "Congrats!" I said. Sabi niya 'wag ko raw muna siyang tawagin na Doc kahit may MD na sa name niya kasi parang 'di pa raw 'yun talaga.

"Thanks, Sob," he replied, smiling.

"So, when's your post-grad internship?" I asked.

I really appreciated Sean for spending time with me lalo na last sem... Lately ko lang nalaman nung pina-explain ko talaga sa kanya iyong timetable ng med kung gaano ka-toxic talaga. Tuwing nakikita ko pala siya last sem, kakatapos lang ng duty niya sa hospital... Tapos pinupuntahan niya pa rin ako.

So nice of him.

"A week after grad," he said. I bobbed my head. "What?" he asked.

I looked at him.

I was going to miss that... That friendly face and disarming smile... The way he always made me feel at ease...

"We'll both be so busy," I casually said. I didn't want him to feel obligated. Ayoko naman ng ganon. Alam ko naman talaga kung ano ang pinasok ko. This was just normal... Iyong mga kaklase ko, ganito din ang set-up nila and they end up just fine.

Lakasan lang ng loob.

Bawal magka-feelings.

"Yeah, and so?" he asked, his forehead slightly creased.

"So... we won't have time to meet."

The slight crease turned into a full blown creas. "Isobel," pagtawag niya. My lips slightly parted. He usually just called me Sob. Him calling me by my complete name surprised me a bit.

"W-What?" I asked, slightly nervous.

"What are we?" he asked back.

I blinked.

Once.

Twice.

A couple of times.

"What do you mean?" I asked again. May tamang sagot ba dito? Ano ba ang dapat kong sabihin? Friends with benefits tayo? Casual friends? Fuck buddies? Generous friends?

"Are we just friends?" he asked while staring directly into my eyes. Para akong malulunod sa paraan ng pagtingin niya. Bigla akong napa-abot sa baso sa harapan ko at ininom iyon. Napa-hinga rin ako nang malalim nang dumating na iyong order namin. I had a few seconds to breathe.

Shit.

Parang nasa recit ako bigla sa mga tanong niya!

At nang matapos na sa paglalagay ng pagkani namin, I was forced to confront his stares again. I licked my lower lip and drew a deep breath.

"Yeah, we're friends," I said.

"Just friends?" he asked.

"What do you want to hear, Sean?" I asked. "You're the one who told me you're not looking for anything too serious, remember?"

I'd known him for only 4 months... but it already felt like a lifetime dahil halos araw-araw kaming magkasama, save for the week that I spent with my family.

I wanted this to be something else, but I'd never ever beg for someone to be with me.

"That was months ago," he said.

"So?"

"Things changed."

"What changed?"

He put his hands on the table. I got distracted by his long fingers.

"I don't usually bring my 'friend' to Maldives, Sob."

"Well... there's always a first time."

"Don't you like me?" he asked.

"What?" nagulat kong tanong.

"I just want to know if you like me," he said. "I like you a lot. And I want us to become official."

This time, I called the waitress and asked for another glass of water dahil biglang natuyo ang lalamunan ko sa mga sinasabi ni Sean. Ano'ng nakain ng tao na 'to? Was this because of Maldives? Dahil siya ang first time ko? Na-attach ba siya?! Or did he feel like he should be responsible?

"Where is this coming from, Sean?" I asked after the glass of water. "If you're worried because you're my first—"

"What? No," mabilis niyang sagot. "Yours was not the first cherry I popped, Isobel."

I rolled my eyes. "Then, what's happening?"

Nagulat ako nang abutin niya iyong kamay ko at hawakan. Na-stress ako sa paraan ng pagtingin niya sa akin. My heartbeat fastened when his thumb began to caress my hand.

"I'm just not comfortable with not knowing what this is," he began. "You said it yourself—we'll be busy the next months... And I don't want to go crazy thinking about what you're doing... or who you're with... and what you're doing with him..."

My eyes widened.

"I know it's extremely selfish, but I really don't want to see you with anyone else," he said, and then held my hand. "I really like you, Sob. I wanna see where this will go. Please, let's be exclusive."

Oh, my god.

Ayokong magka-boyfriend ngayon!

"Sean—" I said.

"I know you said you don't want to change your status now, but I promise you, I won't ask for much of your time. I'll be busy with my internship, too. I just want to be assured that by the end of this, I'll still have you to come back to."

I bit my lower lip. "I'll be really busy," I told him.

"I understand," he said.

"There'll be days that I'll go crazy."

"And I'll be the sane one to balance you out."

"Why me?" I asked. "You literally can have anyone else."

There was a small smile on his lips. "You really have no idea how attractive you are..." then he intertwined our fingers. "So... are we doing this?"

I looked at him.

And looked at our hands.

"You have no idea what you're getting yourself into," I said.

He grinned. "Oh, I've thought about this a whole lot."

I sighed. "Fine. Let's be exclusive."