Lily thought the day she would pity Potter would never come. Potter was lavished in an abundance of everything. Friends, family, a comfortable living space and most of all, love. So when that day in seventh year arose like a snake, it was an ultimate surprise.

The familiar swooping overhead was no shock to Lily, she had been seeing them for the last seven years, but the events that occured afterwards were strange. Something was off. It wasn't a minute before she realised that Head Boy James Potter, was quiet. Too quiet. His eyes scanned his letter quickly and his body slumped as he reached the end. Lily assumed it was nothing for bad things never happened to him. He was Potter with the perfect life, perfect family and perfect friends.
"Mate. Jamesie. Prongs? OY, JAMES!" Sirius nudged James multiple times but James didn't move. Sirius noticed something was wrong and put his undivided attention on James.
"Prongs, what's wrong? Your never like this and it's scaring the pants off me." Sirius whispered to him and James shook himself out of his daze. He passed the yellowish parchment to Sirius who read it with Moony and Wormtail. Remus snapped his head up quickly.
"We'll skip classes today." Sirius said in a rather demanding tone, but then he noticed the look on James' face. "Jamie, don't think of it too harshly. Well, I mean... be sad, but don't blame yourself. It would've happened anyway. You're not guilty." These words stood out like a mountain to Lily. It would've happened anyway. What did that mean? Surely it couldn't be too harsh. Could it?
"But what if I am?" James voice wobbled towards the end and Lily was now very curious and worried. Only because he was Head Boy and they needed to do duties! Nothing else!
"You're not. James, you are wonderful. Heck, I'm starting to think Lily even thinks that." Lily quickly stopped listening and turned back to her friends.
"What about Isaaiah?" Alice suggested to Marlene. Marlene wanted to find a lover because she was getting bored being alone. Alice had her Frank and Lily apparently, had her Potter.
"Dorcas?" Lily said, though Marlene said nothing about liking girls.
"Finally! One of you suggest a girl! Dorcas though, she's cute. Pretty nice eyes too. Yeah, I want her." Marlene said gazing into Dorcas' direction who smiled at her.
"I definitely want her." Breathed Marlene while Alice and Lily smirked at each other. Dorcas was a nice girl who could see the good in everyone. Marlene was a girl who didn't give a flying frog for anything but her friends and her true one. She would do anything for them. She was terrified of worms though, so if she was ever being annoying and rambling on about Lames, Lily would find some worms and shove them in her face. Ahhh, good days.
"I think she's in to you." Alice stated proudly, "That's another match to add to my book."
"We're not together yet, so don't add it now." Marlene pointed out while Lily smiled.
"You guys are so obviously going to get together, just like our Lily and James." Alice chuckled, looking at Lily.
"Nope, not happening. Potter and I are practically opposites."
"And you know what they say, opposites attract." Marlene sang, put her head forward a bit.
"Shut up Marls, or I'll get the worms out." Lily threatened and Marlene shut up instantly.

Lily sat in her common room, a big pile of homework sitting in front of her. She made it a challenge to take as much subjects as possible so she could get a good job so her future family could live a free life, but they still had to be humble. She noticed it was awfully quiet, but she just couldn't put her finger on why. The only sound she could hear was the faint whistle of the wind floating through a slightly ajar window. Her eyes sought the window and then it hit her. James wasn't in his regular spot, looking out of the arched window. At first, she didn't move an inch, it was just her eyes scanning the room. First a trip to the Gryffindor common room.

"I don't know where he's gone! I've been looking everywhere!" Sirius yelled, his fingers running through his hair. Stress was clearly written across his forehead.
"Did he take the Map?" Peter squeaked while Lily looked at him oddly.
"Yes!"
"Where have you looked?" Lily asked, her heart accelerating. She had no idea why, but she was worried. Duties were soon but that didn't even cross her mind.
"Well, what do you think? I've looked inthe Astronomy Tower, dungeons, entrance hall and everywhere else." Sirius groaned, eyes shadowed with worry. Lily never thought that James wouldn't tell his pals something, so this was very odd.
"Can we go around once more? I'll help this time." Lily said, a hint of plea behind her voice. Sirius, Remus and Peter picked up on this, but none said anything.
"We were just planning on doing so, it'll be good to have an extra pair of hands on deck." Remus smiled, but it wasn't a real smile. He was just as stressed as the rest if them, well, as stressed as Sirius at least. Peter just seemed to be a little more fidgety. More fidgety than usual at least.

Lily and the boys had separated ways to go find James, and Lily had just heard the footsteps of a teacher come. She ran and ran and ran until she found a wilting door, hidden by a piece of woodwork. She yanked the door open and slammed it behind her, her back pressed to it and breathing heavily. Her ears picked up a light breathing sound and her head cocked up.

"James?" The name felt funny on her tongue, like a slightly sour boiled sweet.
"Here ye, hear ye, you just said my name." A whisper came very far from her left. Sinking to her knees, Lily felt buckets of guilt wash over her. Never once had she thought she was being to hard on James, but now, it seemed different. He was annoying and all but human too.
"I'm sorry. I know sorry won't cut it but... well, your spot in the common looks emptier. Your friends were going barmy and you were gone for 5 hours! Now, what's wrong?" Lily asked, shuffling forward slightly. The room was dark and musty and the only source of light was a dying candle. The light flickering and dancing in the nearly pitch black room calmed James immensely.
"Who said anything was wrong? I'm just fine and dandy." James sighed, hugging his knees close to his chest. The cold draughts twirled on the floor like tumbleweed, Lily didn't like this room. She assumed it was a room where people did unthinkable things and... stuff.
"No your not. And if you don't tell me, I'll lock this door until you do." Lily threatened and James' head lifted.
"It wouldn't be too bad if-"
"And I'm leaving." Lily added. James closed his mouth then rested his chin on his knees.
"James, please. They're worried, your friends. I'm worried." Lily whispered, her head falling and her red hair becoming a curtain.
"Yeah right." James scoffed. On a regular day, Lily would've hexed him for this attitude, but today was different. Whatever it was, he needed extra support.
"It was the letter you got, wasn't it?" Lily glared and James looked her dead in the eye.
"Don't know what your talking about." James lied, turning his head.
"Believe it or not, but it kills me seeing you like this. It makes everything seem ten times more real. It's rare when you're fully serious, so when you're like this you know something's wrong. Just looking at you like this is like looking at me without my red hair." Lily said, stating the truth.
"Am I really a bad person? A sick, twisted bloke with a cruel mindset?" These words took Lily by surprise. James looked up at her, eyes wide and pleading, and Lily knew this was no joke. He wanted an answer.
"You can't be, can you? A really bad person can't make everyone laugh. A really bad person doesn't stand up for everyone. A really bad person can't be you." The candle was near burning so Lily waved her wand and all the wax came together and the candle became alight once more.
"Would I make you kill yourself?" James asked, voice becoming frantic. Lily felt her eyes prickle and she knew what had happened.
"Let me see your letter. I promise I won't tell anyone, not even Marlene or Alice. Please." Lily pleaded, making James hand over the letter.
To James,
I don't blame you for not helping. You were a kindly cousin growing up but now I don't even know who you are. I can't stand it here anymore, living in this world. The time you did see me during Christmas last year, you most likely didn't know I was there. I'm sorry for not being good enough. We were close, I hope you remember those days. You told my mum about my cutting but never really bothered helping fully. I sound like a prat, I know. But it's been 14 years since I was one, it's nice doing it again. I'm sure you remember when I was 5 and said you couldn't play on my broomstick. I can't deal with anything anymore. Goodbye. I hope, that if your not too busy looking at yourself, you'll remember what I look like.
From your nearly forgotton cousin,
Benjamin Gunten.

Lily read to the bottom of the page and she didn't realise that tears were flowing freely down her face.
"Your views changed on me yet?" James whispered coldly. He had tears welling up in his own eyes and Lily just had to. She shuffled forward and hugged him.
"No, they haven't changed. Your still the strong, annoyingly spectacular James Potter I've always known, and I wouldn't change it for a thing."

i'm getting worse. i think i'm losing readers too. i'm sorry for not being up to scratch. it may take some time, but i am going to get better.
see you next you next millennium.