hi Empress_Noorie!
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<3

FIRST IMPRESSIONS!

title! (5/5)

-it's odd yet it fits your story unexpectedly very well!

cover! (5/5)

-ohmygod that cover is beautifully and skillfully made! the font is such a good choice omg i like your cover a lot!

description! (10/10)

-10/10 yes i stan it's interesting and the final dialogues make the readers nervous yet curious at the same time.

WRITING STYLE!

grammar! (16/20)

-your writing style is more on the descriptive yet addicting side! most of the time, if the author describes everything 'too much', i get bored and my eyes just scan through the clump of words but that isn't the case for your style.

-some errors that i've found throughout the book will be further explained below.

(these screenshots are from the chapters 1-4.)

-'who their ages' sounds a bit abrupt and off? i thought that 'whose' would fit better because it's a possessive pronoun and it somewhat seems better?

-a minor mistake in that same screenshot is the misspelling of the word 'immediately'.

-insert commas when necessary, if you get confused with commas, feel free to go read about it on google to clear up your confusion.

-i believe 'reck' isn't the word you're looking for? 'reek' means smell strongly and unpleasantly and i think that that's the correct verb for your sentence.

-i'm not really sure how to explain what i did up there but i basically read your sentences and when i found something that sounds kind of weird, i go back to it and try to fix it somehow? that's the best explanation i can give you oop

-more lacking of commas.

-'bless' is a verb and not a noun, writing 'a bless' sounds wrong and awkward. meanwhile, 'blessing' is a noun and it would definitely be more suitable for that phrase.

-don't capitalize common nouns and remember to always add a punctuation mark before a dialogue.

-i think that just by looking at the screenshot, you know why i did those corrections.

-also, make sure to at least memorize the order of adjectives. an opinion (uncommon) goes before colors (black and white).

-more comma mistakes up there. a comma will help separate sentences to avoid misunderstandings, it's an important aspect when it comes to writing.

-i suggest reading about prepositions as well so that you'll understand when to use this preposition and that preposition.

-you can see typos with the words 'immediately' and 'whether'. always be careful when writing.

-sometimes, it's better to substitute an exclamation mark with a question mark, especially if the character sounds like they're asking a question. only having an exclamation mark implies exaggeration and loses the point of asking.

-remove commas when it's not needed.

-be attentive when it comes to misspellings because although it's an unintentional mistake, it may be a turn off to some readers like me.

-self-conscious isn't just joined together, the two words are separated with a hyphen.

-the errors up there are the same as before, lack of commas and question marks.

-make sure that the verbs in the same sentence are the same 'type'. 'knowing' ends in -ing so your next verb, which is 'touch' should end in -ing as well to balance everything out.

-other mistakes are about commas again.

-sometimes, sentences are better if they're in active voice. an example is on the screenshot above.

-'tones', i believe, should be 'tons'.

-'past' isn't a verb and you probably used the wrong word again? i believe 'passed' is more accurate and appropriate.

-i think that may just be a careless mistake? mhm yeah, think so. 'white' should be 'red'.

summary of everything:

-place commas when needed and vice versa.

-use question marks instead of plainly using an exclamation mark to give your dialogues more emotion?

-reread your chapters to locate awkward sentences, misspellings, wrong words and well, inattentive mistakes.

-you don't really have a big problem with grammar but i think that with a little proofreading and editing, your book will be perfect!

diction! (10/10)

-i don't really have a lot to say lmao your choice of words are really satisfying as well as advanced and i really like it.

editing! (4/5)

-misspellings and typos are mainly the reason for your score. i'll mention them down below:
'immediatly' should be 'immediately'.
'recked' should be 'reeked'.
'whither' should be 'whether'.
'analysis' should be 'analyse'.

STORY DYNAMICS!

plot! (20/20)

-how creative can your plot get? it's absolutely one of a kind and it's super new and fresh to my eyes! after reading a lot of fanfictions that usually carry similar plots, i'm surprised that i found a book as original as yours!

-i'm really excited to see how your story will unfold!

flow! (10/10)

-four words: slow, steady and smooth.

characters! (10/10)

-um, yes?? every single one of your characters have a mind of their own. their contrasting superpowers match their unalike personalities! i really love stories with diverse characters just like bts in your book!

OVERALL EXPERIENCE!

satisfaction! (8/10)

-like usual, my reason for deducting points in this section is probably because your book only has a few chapters so far? i'm loving what's currently happening but i need more :>

addictiveness! (3/5)

-waaah i believe that the reason i gave you a 3 was because i don't really like long chapters that much? please keep in mind that this is just my personal preference and i wanted to be honest with you about it. i kind of dislike long chapters for some reason and sometimes, it lessens its addictiveness for me.

-other readers may have a different opinion but this is mine and i hope you're okay with it? i get bored easily especially if the chapters are long and too descriptive? that's not the case for you though, you descriptiveness is just right but it's the length that bothers me.

-again, this is a personal preference! some people like long chapters while some people like short ones. please respect my opinion aaaah

overall thoughts! (101/110)

-wow omg you reached over a hundred! that's such a high score and you have no idea how happy i am to have discovered your book and to be giving you the score that you deserve!

-your book has so much potential and is very underrated! it's unique in its own way and is very fresh as well! i wanted to applaud you for writing a really great book! keep up the good work and i wish you the best with 'the thingummy'!

-one main problem is just in the writing style department but those can easily be fixed with dedication and carefulness!

-thank you so much for requesting! have a pleasant day ahead, noorie!

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feel free to ask me any questions or clarifications! i'm willing to answer all of them!

-chef mae <3