hi irrelevantnagi!
your recipe is ready to use!

<3

FIRST IMPRESSIONS!

title! (2/5)

-aaah omg please don't be offended because of the score that you got :> i personally think that this somehow clashes with your description. like it said there that they're expecting something in their lives (expecting the expected) but the title is 'unexpectedly expecting'?

-ohmygod i feel like i'm judging too fast oml please don't get me wrong, maybe this is because we're not too deep in the plot yet but this is how i honestly feel about your title.

-don't hesitate to explain this to me hehe i would be very much grateful if you did 'cause sometimes, i'm pretty dumb lmao

cover! (3/5)

-it looks cute and simple! just kinda bothered by how the title isn't in the center and how the cover doesn't relate to the story that much.

description! (5.5/10)

-the sentence below 'life is unfair' seems quite odd and awkward to me. although it does seem grammatically correct, it still somehow sounds unusual.

-your description does seem interesting but it looks a bit too long in my opinion? especially with the 'has always thought that' part, it's too repetitive.

-maybe try summarizing it? something like 'a group of four friends thought that their lives would turn out the way they expected it to, but little do they know, life had other plans'. but of course, if you wanna keep the original, i'll help you with that as well.

-'kiera thought that she would be living her life joyfully in a place she called home.

yejun thought that he was destined to live his life the same forever.

kai thought that he had to make others happy at all times.

marie thought that her life would always be miserable.

will what they've thought of end up being true?'

-it's not the most perfect but yeah, that's how i'd change it. 'maybe. maybe not' sounds unnecessary so i think you can remove it.

-another suggestion that i have is for you to rewrite your description which is shameful for me to say aaah, try it out sometime. work on a blank canvas, maybe you could suddenly come up with something much, much better than what you have now.

WRITING STYLE!

grammar! (17/20)

-you don't seem to have that much problems with your grammar! i personally think that you have a precise and good writing style.

-below are just a few mistakes that i've noticed. don't worry, they're pretty minor which is why i think that those errors were just due to carelessness.

-i just thought that having 'as' mentioned twice in the same sentence was a turn off? it can definitely be substituted.

-my only tip for this is to read the sentence without the unnecessary information (the girl sitting to my right).

-that would give us 'i heard erika whispered teasingly' and that doesn't really sound correct now, does it?

-welp i didn't really base this off of a specific grammatical rule but i think you'll be able to fix whatever sounds awkward to you so that it'll better, if that makes any sense.

- :)

- :) pt2

-um i may be wrong but i think you meant 'to say' instead of 'today'?

-it then becomes 'needless to say, i succeeded'.

-instead of using the same word twice, try finding an alternative for that specific word and replace one of them with it so your sentence sounds more diverse.

-the first 'got' can be replaced with walked, went, headed, etc.

-this seems like a run-on sentence to me and also, you used 'as' twice which definitely isn't wrong but it may sound repetitive.

-i suggest separating it into two sentences and maybe fixing it up a little bit.

-here's what i would do: 'as if we were connected, yejun and i looked at each other at the same time. he waggled his eyebrows at me as he glanced at the both of them back and forth.' a quick reminder, this is how i'd personally rephrase it, there's a chance that this might be inaccurate.

summary of everything:

-avoid using 'as' twice or more in a sentence. instead, split the statement into two, just like when you encounter a run-on sentence.

-be on a look out for awkward sentences and try your best to rephrase or fix them.

-i highly recommend going on google and searching for synonyms of specific words, it will help expand your vocabulary as well.

-i'm surprised at how good your grammar is! there's not much to worry about, to be honest, just keep these points in mind and you're good to go!

diction! (8.5/10)

-not bad! i just thought that you could do better but what you've written is already great!

editing! (5/5)

-i haven't spotted any mispellings so far! good job with avoiding typos!

STORY DYNAMICS!

plot! (14/20)

-your plot seems really intriguing when i first started reading. i do have the gist of it but not the whole picture yet. this is most probably because your book currently only has 3 chapters so i can't really say much and see much, hence, the sorta low score.

-but it does sound interesting, of course, we're just not there yet nor are we near enough to judge the plot.

flow! (9/10)

-pretty good! it's a little bit slow for my taste but it's most probably because i really wanna get to the conflict already lmao

characters! (9/10)

-you made the four friends really different? like i can imagine them as an actual friend group, with their diverse personalities and such. honestly, i quite love them HAHAHA

OVERALL EXPERIENCE!

satisfaction! (7/10)

-one major factor of this is how your book only had a few chapters at the moment when i need moree :3 but! the four friends' interactions are really fun and satisfying to read lmao that's mostly what kept me going.

addictiveness! (4/5)

-quite addictive if you ask me! again, it's probably because of kiera, yenjun, kai and marie's moments 'cause i live for them. this is truthfully such great news! the fact that your characters have this much impact on me, a reader, will become such a great asset of your book!

overall thoughts! (84/110)

-you wrote a good start for your story and it was certainly a pleasant read. i wish you requested when you had already published more chapters so that i could give you a higher score but that's totally fine!

-i'm liking where your book is going so far and i'm excited on what comes next!

-just tweak your grammar a little bit and i think that your book will be much more refined than it already is!

-i'll keep supporting you as you write!

-thank you so much for requesting! have a superb day ahead, nagi!

RATE THE QUALITY OF YOUR RECIPE HERE!

feel free to ask me any questions or clarifications! i'm willing to answer all of them!

-chef mae <3