• chapter

04 •

The smile that lingered on her lips faltered for a moment and she frowned. The words were too— she turned to look at me, I kept my eyes trained to the waves that washed over the shore dragging the small grains of the sand back with them. It felt strangely serene despite the loud sound of the waves.

"What do you mean?" She asked. Her eyes narrowing down into slits as she looked at him interrogatively. I sighed, shaking my head. I didn't mean to disrupt the peace. Should have kept my mouth shut.

I shrugged, "it was just a question. It doesn't have to mean anything."

She looked at me, and I turned away. "Just a question." I repeated, why was I trying to convince a stranger again?

"A very particular one at that." She said, "Is everything alright?" She asked, her eyebrows furrowed in a what seemed to be a mixture of worry and confusion.

"Yes. I had been wondering." I trailed off looking away.

"Death isn't something people usually wonder about." She said as she looked at me alarmed.

"I'm not the one in the crowd then." I chuckled, she didn't look amused.

"You aren't." She agreed.

I took a deep breath, my eyes stung a little, I was not supposed to have a breakdown in front of the stranger, but behaving brave all day when I am anticipating the dreaded news, I am scared. But I couldn't admit that to anyone, I can't imagine the tears and tension on my family's faces nor have I any strength to lie to them a little longer.

"You know, I have always thought about it" she started, "if, talking about your pain, your grief, reduces it, then it's some kind of happiness isn't it?" She asked.

Her words made me smile a little.

"That's a beautiful way to look at it." I said, she smiled. "I will try..." Trailing off over my words, I twiddled the sheet, that we were sitting on, between my fingers.

"I know, a person thinks about all this after a certain incident." She smiled knowingly when I looked down. I didn't have to answer. Of course she knew, she would have seen this before. The conflicts. The fear.

"You don't have to share it with me, talk to your family or friends. I will give you a clearer view."

She chuckled after a moment, "I didn't mean to sound so monotonous."

"Life has been always grey. It's us who fill colours in it, as per our preferences." I remarked, she hummed. God, I sound like Om now. He might be proud. My hands sunk as I pressed my hands deeper on the sheet.

"Then fill it." She grinned. "Your the artist of your life, paint your own world."

"The colours are limited." I replied her, she sighed. "And the existing ones are fading." Well, since when did I start structuring metaphorical sentences?

She sighed at the indirect admission.

I shook my head. "It's fine." I looked down, my hands reaching out for the sand. I watched as the grains slipped pass through my fingers.

"Shivaay, we can't fall loose. This is serious. Delaying the treatment isn't the answer. How long? Go for the tests!"

I closed my eyes. The results are not confirmed. It could be something else.

"It's fine." I spoke again more to reassure myself than her.

"Even if it is not, it's not the end of the world." She answered while looking at the sea, "things don't always go our way, we can never have it all" she turned back,

"I know it sounds cliché, but hey, sometimes they are all you need in the life." She winked as she stood up.

I looked up at her, "We can't." I agreed.

"But does that stop us for longing that little more joy that we couldn't have?" I asked after a beat. 

She remained silent at the question.

I mimicked her movements standing up, I watched as she dusted the sheet, before folding and placing it in the zip bag. She turned to look at me.

"I guess that would make us the humans." She spoke. "We all long for the little more without knowing. And to be honest, it's not a bad thing."

"Certainly not."

Extending her hand, she smiled. "Dr. Annika Trivedi." Her smile gave off a calming aura, it was serene.

I reciprocated the gesture with a small smile of my own.

"Shivaay Singh Oberoi." Her eyes widened slightly before placed with a jovial expression.

"So, am I to expect you coming around tomorrow?" She asked playfully.

I smiled and answered, "Probably?" I shrugged vaguely.

"Well, it was nice to meet you." She said as she turned to leave. "Likewise, doc!" I called as I raised my hand in a wave and watched as her figure grew smaller at the distance.

I ruffled my hair, looking at the distance, before blowing out the air, "C'mon." I muttered to myself as I looked down at my watch.

I fished out my phone, "Bring the car." I spoke over the call.

.

Silence loomed over my room.

Talk to them. My mind supplied, I turned slightly so that I was lying on my back. A slow exhale escaping my lips.

My hands were spread across the bed, taking up every inch of the space that I could as I looked up at the ceiling. Three glow in dark stars. Three neon and one fluorescent pink. My room looked too monochromatic, or so Rudra would say.

The stars. Us.

Priyanka, Rudra, Om and I.

Priyanka was adamant to have a pink star of her name. I couldn't help but chuckle as I remembered, how she threw a fit when she realised it wouldn't glow as bright as the neon ones. They had searched for hours for the sticker packets.

"Bhaiya!" I quickly rubbed my eyes with the  back of my palm. I adjusted the pillows a bit, leaning over the head rest as I quirked an eyebrow in surprise. Rudra halted for a moment, frowning he switched on the lights.

"Why were you sitting in the dark?" He asked.

I blinked, clearing my throat I answered, "I was going to sleep. Until—" I gestured to him. He sat beside me, leaning over.

"Without having dinner?" I turned to look at Om who was holding up a plate.

"Yeah." I rasped. My stomach was churning with unease.

"Yeah, not in the mood." I answered looking at my hands. I could see him frowning, "not in the mood for dinner?" He asked sceptically.

Well, technically I wasn't lying about that, it's just, I wouldn't be stomach a morsel with the exigent feeling of unease and nausea.

"What about your medicines?" He asked as he took a seat beside, "I will have a few bites." I answered knowing that they wouldn't go off the topic until they were satisfied.

"Well, I have a news to share." Rudra said as he spread his arms and leaned back. Om and I shared a look, as he passed me the spoonful of kadhi chaawal.

"Yeah?" I rolled my eyes, as I indulged with his another feat, or so would I say.

"I think I'm in love."

"Om?" I asked, he grinned knowingly, "Fourth." He answered. Rudra looked at us confused.

"Pay up." I answered. Om raised his hands in surrender as he placed the plate beside me.

"What's going on?" Rudra asked.

"This is the fourth time you have said that. And that too for a different girl." I shook my head.

"Shivaay had said you'd go over three this month. I thought otherwise and now thanks to you, I lost." Om grumbled.

"Hey!" He exclaimed, mildly offended.

Om and I burst out laughing at that.

"What has the world come to, my own brothers are betting over me."

"Harkatein sudhar le, otherwise you don't get to complain." Om shrugged as he passed me another bite. I extended my hand for the plate, and he turned to face Rudra fully and I know what was coming.

Looking at the smiles on their faces, I wondered, my own smile dimming slightly, the food tasted bitter in my mouth as I took another bite. How am I ever going to break this news to them, had Nishant's speculations turn out true even slightest.

I coughed, the spice burning at the back of my throat.

"Shivaay?" Om passed me a glass of water.

"It was spicy—" I frowned as I passed the plate to Rudra to keep it on the side table, "I am full." I answered ignoring the worried look that they exchanged at the still full plate.

"Is something troubling you?" Om asked.

I shook my head. "Nope, I am good." I sat up straight.

"You can't even lie properly." Om said with a shake of his head. I don't think so, I managed to keep it hidden, I think I am a commendable actor.

"Well, I am tired. That's all." I answered, and before Om could speak anything I yawned to put more emphasis on the words.

Rudra passed me the medicines and I waited for them to leave. I arched an eyebrow when they didn't budge from their place.

Om quirked an amused eyebrow in my direction, "well, we are tired too." And saying that he switched off the lights, and threw his hand over me as he turned over to sleep on his stomach.

I sighed as I was being sandwiched between.

Well, just for the context, it was quite a regular thing. I placed my phone on silent before I lowered myself, closing my eyes to sleep while trying to ease of the waves of conflict that have taken over my mind.

I can't keep the news away for forever, they are bound to know sooner or later. And it would be better if I am the one to break this news out to them.

Just after the reports come, I will confront them. Soon, I promised myself.