Ako si Renee isang ulilang babae. My family died in an accident when I was 8. Kasama ako doon pero hindi ko alam kung bakit natira pa akong nabubuhay. My life became colorless, and meaningless. Walang buhay akong nakatayo sa mundong ibabaw. Bawat galaw ko ay walang dahilan. I've been wanting to end this life but I can't because I want to live my brother's dream, and it was to become an Engineer.

It was 20 years already at ganap akong naging Engineer. Kasalukuyang nagtatrabaho ako sa isang maliit na kumpanya. Hindi ako magaling. Hindi ako matalino pero para sa Kuya ko ang lahat ng ito. He should've been able to live his life if he were to survive in that accident. Mas may patutunguhan ang buhay niya kesa sa akin. Kumpara sa akin mas proud sila Mama at Papa sa kanya, madami siyang achievements at natatanggap na medalya samantalang ako ay bahagya pa nakakapasa. If he were the one to live and not me I know he will become successful and a famous Engineer just as he dreamt of.

And my meaningless life slowly started to have colors when he came. Si Adonis na bigla na lang sumulpot at nagpakilala. He sounds so crazy and weird. Tila may sakit rin siya sa pag-iisip dahil nababano siya sa mga bagay na nakikita niya.

"Woah! Ren! Ren! Look at this!" He sounded so amazed habang hawak ang flashlight na pinapatay sindi. Nangyari ito halos tatlong araw matapos siyang dumating sa bahay ko at ginulo ang walang buhay kong mundo.

I don't know what happened pero pinatuloy ko na lang siya bigla sa bahay. I think I've gone crazy for a moment dahil kaagad akong nagsisi, ginawa niya akong utusan sa sarili kong pamamahay. He often commands me to cook for him, to clean up his mess at mas lalong nakakainis sa kanya ay kakulitan niya.  He would just pop out of nowhere at guguluhin ako. But I just ignored all of it everytime it happened.

I would leave my house with him waving his hand and smiling at me. Then I will come back with the same scenario as how I leave. Oo, nakakainis ang kakulitan niya, nakakasakit ng ulo ang panggugulo niya at nakakayamot siya kasama pero unti-unting tinitibag ng kakulitan niya ang pader na ilang taon kong binuo.

I never wanted another person in my life after the accident dahil natatakot akong mawala sila nang dahil sakin. I don't want to be attached to anybody else dahil alam kong maiiwan rin ako ng mag-isa kaya kahit alam kong unti-unti nang natitibag ang pader na binuo ko, ay patuloy ko siyang hindi pinapansin at iniiwasan. Pero hindi ko inaasahan na ang pag-iwas at hindi ko pagpansin sa kanya ang magiging dahilan ng paglisan niya.

It was the 30th when I came back home kung saan walang bumungad na kaway, na ngiti, na 'welcome home', na Adonis sa akin. My fear immediately consumed my whole being.

At muli ko na namang naalala ang lahat ng nangyari ilang taon na ang nakakaraan. I remember how we left that day. How my father drove our car. How my parents talk. How my brother lent his lap for me to sleep in, until a big truck came to our view. I heard a loud sound that day which made me dizzy. I felt how my brother's arms wrapped around me.  I vividly remember the sight I saw in that accident. It was horrible and terrifying that I only wish to be with them, and to leave with them. As I was remembering it all, my body started to tremble. My legs felt weak. My eyes started tearing out.

I started to be afraid for Adonis because he's not here, he's out of my sight. What if something bad happened to him? What if he leaves me too? What will I do?

In the midst of being flooded with my thoughts a warm big arm suddenly wrapped around my shoulder. "Shh. Don't cry, baby. Please don't cry. I'm here now. I'm already here." Pag-aalo niya.

"I will not leave you. I promise, so please don't cry baby." He hugged me tightly.

Those words and hugs only made me cry more. He didn't leave and came back. I immediately felt relieved as my body calmed down and I stopped crying.

"Ren, baby, please don't wish for God to take you away and be with them because I'm already here. Let me be with you, so please let it go and forgive yourself. Be free, my love. You deserve to live and be loved."

There, I forgave myself from the horrors of the past, and accepted the truth together with Adonis. To all, this is my rebirth as September ends.

Fin.