Faction facts. Growing up in Abnegation comes with its own set of standards of living.

You have to live your whole life devoting yourself to others. You must have a mindset where in the hierarchy of your life you always come second. Second against your parents, second to your husband or wife, second to the random stranger sitting on the sidewalk across from your house. Always second, never first.  

For people who transfer in when they are sixteen, they take years to learn how to get used to their new way of life. But those of us who grow up here in this bland faction we are used to the set of rules that dictate nearly every detail of our lives.

We also just accept the fact that we might never get to experience the same extraordinary life experiences that other factions see as the normal way of life.

Partying, dancing, just simply being free is not part of the Abnegation way of life that our ancestors set out so long ago after the war ravaged our world.

But I now know what some of those experiences feel like. I know what it is like to sneak out and go to a party. I know what it is like to have fun and dance with complete strangers who I had only met minutes before. I know what it is like to reach out and get a taste of what freedom truly is. Dancing like nobody is there and loving every single second of it. 

The only thing is that I have to keep it a secret, from everyone important in my life, and most likely for the rest of my life. They will be moments that I will only revisit in my dreams before I wake up and have to face my boring reality. And again years from now replaying them in my mind on my death bed before my final breath leaves my body and I am swallowed by the bright white lights of heaven where will look over my loved ones for eternity.

By the time I left the party which was two nights ago now it was one in the morning. It was nearly two by the time I got home and as you can imagine I didn't get nearly enough sleep as I needed for the long day of training that followed. I was like a literal zombie trudging around the hospital with everyone else who just looked at me funny all day. Susan and Robert had to carry me home and help me to my bed, well actually the couch.

My mother cleared me today off due to my evident exhaustion. So while Susan and Robert go to training I can just lay in bed and relax.

I pull my blanket tight around my body, tucking it under my chin, and close my eyes. It isn't long before I am pulled into the calming ocean of sleep.

***

One can only truly appreciate sleep by the way you wake up. If we wake up ourselves with a clear head and the overall feeling of just being refreshed then we know we had a good sleep. However, if we are woken up like I am right now with the echoing sound of a clenched fist pounding on my front door then your sleep wasn't that great or gotten nearly enough.

With a groan rumbling from my lips, I pull myself out of my bed limb from limb and trudge my tired body down the stairs to the door.

"Coming!" I call out to the person on the other side of the door who then stops knocking.

I groan again, the person could be Four. He could have found out that I had the day off and is here to drag me to do more knuckle bruising, and painful training.

Please don't let it be him. Please don't let it be him. Please don't let it be Four. 

Taking a deep breath I wrap my hand around the handle, twist it, and slowly pull the door open. Revealing the red and puffy face of....... Evelyn. 

My eyes widen in shock. 

"Evelyn, hi." I greet her with a small smile.

Her eyes are red, she has been crying.

"Beatrice sorry for coming over unannounced. I just heard that you had the day off and that yesterday you weren't well and I wanted to come to see how you were doing," She said," But I can see that it is a bad time I'll come by later."

"No it's fine, you can come in. I need the company anyway or else I might lose my mind."  

She gives me a small smile and I step back and let her in. We go to the kitchen and sit by the table.

"Is everything alright?" I ask her.

Looking up at me she tries to smile but she comes crashing down and burying her face in her hands she beings to violently sob.

Rushing to her I wrap my arms around her shoulders. Her tears flow like rivers a few of them hit my dress leaving behind stains.

"I'm sorry..... I'm sorry. This is so not why I can here but after that article this morning I just....... I just couldn't-"

"What did the article say?" I ask.

Sitting herself up she reaches into her pocket and takes out a small tablet that is used to read the news.

I watch her click a link and an article pops up. With shaky hands, she hands it to me.

Over two years and still no sign of now eighteen-year-old Tobias Eaton. The son of Abnegation leader Marcus Eaton and his wife Evelyn Eaton took the media by storm two years ago when he failed to make it to his choosing ceremony. He was reported missing by his parents later on that day and the search continues.

But after two years of dead ends after dead ends, it poses the question is Tobias still alive? Is this long search a rescue or a recovery?

Turning off the tablet I rest my hand on her shoulder. 

"They will find him Evelyn you have to keep faith in that."

"I know I do but it's just so hard." She sobs.

I stay silent and just hold her as she cries basically all of the water from her body.

Eventually, her sobs turn to hiccups, and then she goes silent.

"What did you come here for you know before you saw that thing?" I ask hoping that maybe getting her mind onto a different topic will ease the tension in the room.

She wipes her eyes with her fingers and gives me a small smile.

"I just wanted to see if you are alright. You were doing so well and then you nearly fainted. Are you alright?"  

"I don't know I just," I trail off my mind rattling trying to come up with something to say," I can't get Caleb out of my head. I can't stop wondering why he didn't tell me he was going to leave. Not even a little heads up, I thought we were closer than that."

To my surprise my voice breaks and tears pool up in my eyes, some trickling down my cheeks to my chin.

Maybe this isn't as much of a lie as I thought. Maybe I am hiding this pain and I am too distracted to even realize that I had a bundle of pain hiding deep down in me.

Her expression twists to one of sadness and understanding.

"I know exactly how you are feeling. Tobias didn't even talk to me before he left. That morning..... the last thing he said to me was that he loved me and that I was an amazing mother. I should have seen that he was going to do something but I didn't. And the fact that I didn't see that my child was going to leave us tore me up inside. Kept me awake at night and I was a zombie during the day."

"So what do I do?"

"Talk to someone. That is the best advice I can give you just talk to someone."

"Are you free?" I ask.

A beaming smile spreads on her lips.

"Come to me anytime. It's the least I can do after you let me cry all over you."

With those words, I start to feel better. In some small way, we both start to feel better. And all we needed was a heart-to-heart.