Once In Her Dreams She Saw Her Demons

By

 majesticpheonix

Reviewed 

by

AmyMarieZ

Overview: "Once In Her Dreams She Saw Her Demons" is a short murder mystery about a woman named Doris traveling with her wards. The group arrives at a mansion seeking shelter one night, but Doris may have some darkness lurking within her that is beyond her own control. Murder, visions, dreams, and demons come together to give this story a haunting and chilling end!

Structure: "In Her Dreams She Saw Her Demons" is a short one-shot story told in the third person. At times, italics are used to indicate flashbacks. While it is not confusing, the flashbacks are very brief, giving the story the feeling that it is jumping around a bit. Additionally, the story seems to skip from one point to another, picking up mid conversation at times and creating just a bit of confusion. However, on a whole, the structure is easy to follow and clearly conveys the plot.

Grammar: The story contains numerous typos and mistakes with word usage, missing words, as well as other general grammatical errors. The punctuation around dialog is one area where there are many mistakes. For example, in some cases, a period is used at the end of a sentence of dialog, followed by a closing quotation mark, and then finally a comma and a dialog tag, rather than just a comma, quotation mark, and tag. For example, the text frequently uses: "...end of sentence.", she said. Rather than: "...end of sentence," she said.

The grammatical errors throughout the story are frequent enough that they detract from the reading experience and give the piece a bit of an unfinished and unpolished feel. However, the grammar is decent enough that it does not make the story difficult to follow in any way.

Pace: The pacing of individual scenes in the story is slightly fast and could benefit from a bit more description and dialog. The pacing of the story as a whole is also fast. A lot is packed into such a short story. This leads to scenes being skipped or abbreviated, giving the feeling that parts of the story are omitted. Additionally, the plot itself has a lot of complexity to it. For the story to reach its full potential, a bit more development would be needed. By the end, the reader has only gotten a taste of the plot and characters, rather than becoming fully immersed in them.

Character Development: The character Doris is the most well-developed character in the story. Her motivation to find shelter for herself and her wards is clearly defined. Her personality is shown through this driving desire and her dialog with the children and the owners of the mansion. Additionally, her backstory and inner thoughts create good depth and show her inner struggle.

Aside from Doris, the story includes a number of children serving as Doris' wards, as well as the owners of the mansion and their daughter. The large number of characters combined with the briefness of the story makes it difficult to become attached to or find much significance in any of the characters other than Doris. Luckily, most of the children do not have speaking lines. This works to the advantage of the story because more focus is placed on those that do, as well as Doris, the character that really is the most significant.

There are a few places where the characterization feels a bit forced. For example, the inclusion of the thoughts of the man who owns the mansion seems out of place when the rest of the story is in Doris' viewpoint. However, overall the dialog makes sense and flows well, adding depth to the characters.

Vocabulary/Description: The vocabulary used in the story is fitting with the style of writing. The majority of the words used are kept simple, with a few more complex words thrown in occasionally to add some interest to the writing.

The scene setting is minimal and does not create an extremely vivid visual. The descriptions that are included do not develop a strong atmosphere, which really could have enhanced the whole creepy vibe of the story. Inclusions of a bit more creative language, as well as incorporating more detailed descriptions of setting and other senses such as sound, smell, and feelings could possibly add more to the atmosphere of the story. Additionally, throughout the writing filtering is frequently used, for example stating that something "could be heard" or "could be seen" rather than simply describing the action or sound itself. The high frequency of filtering sets the reader apart from the story slightly and makes sentences a bit bulkier than they need to be.

In general, the descriptions of character actions are clear, precise and vivid, making it easy to picture what the characters are doing. In places of high intensity, for example, at the end of the story, the descriptions are nicely structured to add to the drama. The short sentences develop a tense and emotionally charged reading experience during the big reveal at the end!

Plot: The concept of the story is highly interesting and has great potential. The idea of the Doris' inner demons seeking out anger and tragedy and then causing terrible things to happen wherever she and the children go is truly a frightening and mysterious plot! Unfortunately, the story just is not long enough to fully develop it. In the reveal at the end, many points are brought up that pertain to the mystery. While it is still intense, interesting, and exciting, it just doesn't pack the punch it really could have if there was a bit more build-up and time to set up all the background and details.

Summary: "Once In Her Dreams She Saw Her Demons" follows a compelling main character and includes some good mystery and suspense. Although it is short, the plot is intriguing, and the story delivers a satisfying and chilling conclusion!

Note: The review book offers several options. To review only grammar and sentence structure. To review only character development and plot. To review only vocabulary and descriptions. Or, the requester can ask for all of this to be reviewed. There are two options when making this request – for it to be sugar-coated or not.

This review is for it all to be touched on (not sugar-coated).