Frostite (Chapter 1 - 5) By: Fever09

Reviewed By: njdevin529

----------------------

Cover/Title: I appreciate the structure of the cover, and I think the location of the lettering and the font work really well; however, parts of the title are cut off, and I'm having a hard time discerning the shape directly behind the character in the center. That said, this author has an excellent understanding of utilizing the contrast between darker and lighter shades. Between this cover and the previous one, I found that to be the most alluring detail. The title is short but powerful and arouses interest.

Summary/Synopsis: I love the quote at the start of the summary. It's all the more intriguingthat we're unclear who says it. I would suggest some light editing. To start, always capitalize the first letter in a sentence, and make sure the pronouns agree with the subjects. I would also suggest adding a little more. This is great for a short pitch, but as a summary, it doesn't give the reader much to go on.

Grammar/Structure: Grammar is excellent, and there's a fluidity to the sentence structure that makes it an effortless and enjoyable read. This is a well-polished manuscript with very few typos and perfect use of punctuation. Well done!

Vocabulary/Description: The descriptions are very clear and provide vivid illustrations of eachcharacter. What I might suggest is to watch how often specific words are used. For instance, "urge" is used a couple of times in the same context in chapter one. Also, during the training scene in chapter two, "man" is used quite a bit, as well as "the boy." Presumably, this diction is used to avoid confusion, so I suggest that during edits take a second look and see if any sentences could be condensed so that the added pronouns and nouns aren't necessary.

Pace/Character Development: Great pace! The scenes are well development but they don't drag. Also, I'd like to point out how well the author will be showing us everything in a scene (the crowd, the setting, the atmosphere) but then will make us zone in on someone or something. For example, when Cassius spies Edwin with another Watcher and they exchange what he assumes is money. It demonstrates the author's skill in changing our perspective to point out the small but important details without derailing the storyline. On that note, I really like all the little parts included between Cassius and Edwin that propose that Edwin is rooting for him. It gives us hope (alongside Cassius) that he has someone looking out for him and personifies the brotherhood that is the Night's Watch. I feel like we're adjusting to it at the same time that Cassius is after all the negative and hostile thoughts he had in the first couple of chapters thinking everyone is beneath him or out to get him. It's a gradual change that is interwoven expertly throughout the plot.

What I Liked Most: I love the emotion shown in this story, even with things the main character is presumably trying to hide. For instance, the inferiority Cassius feels when meeting the Lord Commander and he "[fights] the urge to stand up straighter." I feel like that is something so relatable. It's a great way to depict the tingle that goes up your spine when standing in front of someone whose mere presence demands respect. You immediately square your shoulders at the same time your chin sinks slightly toward your chest. Also, the author seems to have nailed the feelings of isolation for Cassius. Even though he does have Edwin and a few others showinghim acceptance and even admiration after his first fight, Cassius maintains that he is better thanall of them. It's an excellent portrayal of the emotional obstacles he faces. Even though he's trying to fit in and build a new life for himself, he's having a hard time dropping his pious mannerisms. It's clear that the author understands the psychology of it and is able to demonstrate it in their writing. Concluding Thoughts: The plot is brilliant and the characters are well developed. This is definitely a story I would recommend wholeheartedly. My one question would be the connection between Cassius and Edwin. How did they meet? Perhaps it's revealed at a later time, but it's a detail I found to be missing in the first few chapters and I think it might help to reveal the foundation for their relationship earlier. Other than that, the writing is nearly flawless with an intriguing storyline. I highly recommend!