Cold Case (Chapters 1-5) by JDTrue

Reviewed by AmyMarieZ

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Overview: Cold Case is a romance story packed full of drama and excitement. The story features two strong and well-defined leads: Detective Deacon Beckett and Layla. Both characters experience a dramatic life change at the beginning of the story. Deacon loses his job as a detective, and Layla catches her long-term boyfriend cheating, resulting in their breakup. Although the two main characters have never even met, it certainly is in the cards that they will shortly, as everything in their lives seems to be leading them to each other.

Structure: Cold Case is written in the third person limited point of view. The chapters switch between the points of view of the two main characters: Deacon Beckett and Layla. Switching the point of view like this with each chapter works well for this story. It allows the reader to gain sympathy and become attached to each character. It also builds a lot of suspense, leaving the reader wondering when they will finally meet.

Grammar: In general, the grammar in Cold Case is well done. The sentences are structured well, and grammar rules are followed throughout the story. However, specifically in the first chapter, there are a number of errors with punctuation, including missing quotation marks, commas, and apostrophes. Most of these mistakes seem to be errors in formatting resulting from copying text over from another word processer. A simple proofread would catch the majority of these issues. However, past chapter one the frequent errors in punctuation have been corrected. The only remaining grammatical issues are occasional missed commas.

Pace: The pace of the story is well done overall. The chapters are short, but each one packs a punch, keeping the story moving and entertaining. Each chapter pushes the plot along, introduces new characters and more drama and excitement. In each chapter, the two main characters Deacon and Layla unknowingly affect each other's lives, for example being at the same bar and living across the hall from one another. After five chapters, the two are still yet to met, but this only makes the story more suspenseful as the reader eagerly awaits when they finally will!

In general, individual scenes in the story are well paced. Character actions are described in a way that is easy to visualize. There are only a few locations where details of character action seem a bit rushed. Because the story plot is fast paced and interesting, a bit more time could be spent developing actions and transitions. For example, in chapter three when Deacon goes to the bar to pick up Asher, the scene setting felt a bit underdeveloped. A bit more time could be spent on description in this location without compromising interest and pace. A few more details of character actions and scene setting could help flesh it out.

Other locations where actions felt a bit rushed or jumbled where when characters move from place to place, for example Layla getting out of bed in chapter two, and Deacon opening and closing the door to his apartment in chapter three. Although these are tiny details, just a few more words to clarify actions could smooth out the transitions without bogging down the writing.

Character Development: Character development is where this story shines and goes above and beyond!

In the first chapter, the reader is introduced to the male lead, Deacon Beckett. The opening chapter shows him getting fired from his job as a detective for disobeying orders and engaging in dangerous behavior, even though he was certainly doing the right thing. This shows how he is morally good, but at the same time has a huge temper to compensate. After getting fired, he proceeds to smash a coffee mug on the face of Nick, the "coworker" who ratted on him and got him in trouble.

In chapter two, the reader is introduced the Layla, the female lead. She is definitely a sympathetic character. After catching her boyfriend of six years cheating on her and breaking up, now the guy won't leave her alone. He comes to her apartment in the middle of the night trying to apologize and beg for her forgiveness. Needless to say, she's having none of it, still angry and scorned from the recent breakup, and rightfully so. One thing that might make this chapter even more heartbreaking for the reader would be to have Layla consider the fact that she had loved Porter once, showing her heartbreak over the incident in a more profound way, perhaps by having her think momentary thoughts about things she used to really love about him while they are talking, but now they just make her angry. However, this is just an idea, because there are many ways a character can react to a breakup, and anger and scorn is certainly one of them.

In chapter three, the reader gets another glimpse at Deacon. In this chapter, his best friend Asher drunkenly calls him from a bar, and it sounds like he is making the same mistakes all over again with a leech of a woman—Elise. The phone conversation between Deacon, Asher, and Elise is exceptional. It is believable and realistic for a drunk phone call. At the same time, it shows both a lot of darkness and humor. Overall, it's entertaining, but the realism of it hits home.

In chapter four, Layla is shown at the bar where she works—Shooters. Even though work at a strip club might seem seedy, the whole bar staff and owner have truly developed a family feel. It is clear Layla feels comfortable and protected there. Some gems of characterization in this chapter come in the descriptions of Viola, the owner of the bar. The way both her personality and physical appearance are described are absolutely perfect. She's interesting, believable, and makes for an exceptionally entertaining character to imagine! Something to consider working on with the characterization in this chapter is that a lot of it is told rather than shown. While some amount of telling works very well with this story because the narrative voice is so strong and enjoyable to read, this chapter seemed to be a bit heavy on it. A few of the points that were told, for example a lot of the information about Layla's coworker Melanie, could have been shown just a bit more, and then the telling would have been unnecessary because the reader would have gained everything they needed to know just from the action.

Chapter five shows Deacon again, and this time he is at Sunday dinner with his mother and brothers. Although the scene has a bunch of characters in it, all of the characters are so well defined, interesting, and believable that the reader doesn't become confused following the dialog. The family dynamic between them is entertaining! The way the mother talks to her sons is absolutely hilarious. The amount they tease each other is priceless, but it is still clear that the family bond is strong!

Description: In general, the level of description in the story is minimal, but the descriptions that are included are tactfully placed and meaningful. Descriptions of setting are developed by having the characters interact with their surroundings, for example when Layla answers the door in chapter two, and the layout of her apartment is established just by how she moves through it. Presenting the descriptions in this way keeps the story moving at a nice clip, holding the interest of the reader.

Since the story is so engaging and easy to get pulled into, dispersing a few more bits of description of the setting throughout could add a bit more depth to it without causing it to drag. For example, Deacon going to pick up Asher at Shooter is one location where more detail might be nice. However, this is just a thought for consideration. Level of description is a matter of taste of the reader and writer.

Voice: The voice of the narration is another point where this story really shines! Even though it is written in the third person, the narrator has a strong, captivating and unique voice that adds a lot to the story. The narrator speaks in a conversational tone that mimics the feelings and temperaments of the main characters. Swear words and slang, as well as a lot of sarcastic pessimism are used throughout the narration in a way that works to build depth and interest. The narration has a similar style for both Deacon's and Layla's POV, but this in fact adds to the story. It helps the reader to see the similarities between the characters and their overall moods and views on life. It paints them out to be two characters that will really have a nice dynamic once they finally meet!

Plot: The main plot of Cold Case is still a bit vague at this point in the story. The first five chapters seem to provide mostly characters setup. However, the chapters are still very interesting to read, and there are a lot of events that seem to be leading towards a main plot. The first chapter introduces a strong inciting incident for the male lead Deacon, as he is fired from his job as a detective. His life is turned upside-down. It grabs a reader's attention, making them wonder what he will do now.

The first chapter in Layla's perspective also provides a lot of setup, showing her situation after the breakup with her long-term boyfriend Porter.

From there, the story continues without an extremely distinct direction, but it still holds the attention of the reader, portraying the lives of the two characters in a realistic and interesting way. It is clear that the two main characters' situations are drifting towards each other, and their eventual meeting is imminent. There are also a number of other plot elements going on to hold the reader's interest, for example the mysterious case with Deacon's father that looms in the background of the story.

The only chapter where the plot became slightly confusing was chapter four. At the end of chapter four, there is an incident with a bat being thrown outside the bar, and it seems like some of Deacon's brothers are involved. However, exactly what happened during the incident is slightly unclear. It is also uncertain how the incident (or if) it pertains to the events of the previous chapter where Deacon shows up at the bar to pick up his friend.

Summary: There are so many things that make Cold Case an outstanding story. The entertaining, unique, and somewhat sarcastic narrative voice makes it an engaging and thrilling story. While the plot is still developing at this point, the depth of the characters is enough to hold up the show and keep a reader glued to the page!