f i f t e e n
"What caused you to feel so crappy, dumbass?"
"Wow, is that supposed to soothe me?"
Jiryu and you were now in a café that was hidden out of sight, sitting in the far back as you two conversed. It was a place not really frequented by the customers and you didn't understand why because their coffee was the bomb. Seriously, it was so well-brewed thatㅡ
"Give me a break. I'm trying, okay? Ya dipshit," he growled as he took a bite out of his parfait, the scrunching of the skin between his brows were slowly disappearing as the grumpiness he felt was alleviated by the dessert.
"Yeah, sorry. But you really didn't strike me as a parfait dude. Hm, all the more reason to stop stereotyping people," you sealed your eyes as you took a mouthful of the coffee, letting the flavor sit in your mouth before cordially swallowing it. Thanks to Jiryu, you might find yourself returning to this spot just because of their Dark Roast drink.
"Shut up. And answer the damㅡ Fuck. You know what, if you don't feel like it, then don't. Keep silent for all I care." He's acting undoubtedly... nice? He wasn't forcing you to answer his question by constantly drilling you with them, but instead, he was giving you a choice whether you'd like to or not.
"I stalled this long enough," you coughed on your balled fists before placing the ceramic down. "Jiryu, have you ever enkindled something bad to happen?" You asked him and he snorted. "If you aren't living under a rock, I'm sure that you're aware of my reputation. I've caused more trouble than you ever will."
"Then how about this," you wavered. Your eyes took a glimpse at the intricate chandelier giving light to the entire establishment, to the paintings on the walls that were made by no-name artists, and finally, to the man sitting across from you. He was waiting patiently for you to continue, with his blatantly dyed blue hair draping across his eyes. He wore no hair gel today, so without it being pulled back by it, his locks were a dangle of mess on his head.
"What if you gave rise to someone being killed?" You didn't know if you were going to regret this later on, but how much worse could things get? Oops, apparently shouldn't have said that. Now, you were just jinx-ing things.
"What are you on about, huh?"
You didn't want to place a baggage on him if you were to tell the truth about the things that bugged you and the sole reason why you tried to end your life. It would be selfish of you to burden him with something that only concerned you, so after a bit of deliberation, you settled with playing it off as an example instead.
"What if you've managed to save your life from a murderer that has made you its target? But at the cost of another one's life because instead of you being the one that was put to death, they are used as a replacement for a life that was pardoned?" Even after all that, he looked unimpressed witht your musings.
"The hell?"
"Answer it if you want to, but you don't have to."
"Tsk, alright. If that was me, I wouldn't feel guilt at all. It's a fucking instinct of a human to survive, so why should I feel remorse for something that I couldn't control? Sure, I'd feel pity, but that's the end of it." His answer, much to your incredulity, made sense.
Realizations after realizations piled up because of his answer. Why should you beat yourself up over something that wasn't in your control? It was totally out of your hands, so why should you feel so bad about it?
"Is that what happened to you?" You shook your head, best to not make him anymore suspicious of you since you'd already told him a pretty weird question.
"Nah, just a comparison. I was accused of cheating in a test when actually, it was my seatmate who did it. So after some explanations and a few witnesses offering their help, the real culprit punished and the teacher was so serious in giving her a failing mark." That was believable enough, right?
"So you felt so censured about it that you've decided to commit suicide?" Jiryu scrutinised you before sighing. "It wasn't your fault, doofus. So don't feel so guilty about something that she brought about in her own."
"Hey, Jiryu?"
"Yeah?"
"Thanks."
"Don't go thanking me. This is a one-time thing so don't expect that this'd happen again. Got it, punk?"
.
.
You thought about confessing what you tried to your father, yet he was already stressed enough because of work so you didn't want to add on to it. But seriously, you weren't thinking straight back there, were you?
If you left your father, he'd be mourning day and night because he already lost his wife while giving birth to you, so imagine how woeful he would feel the moment he learned that his daughter was no longer in this world as well.
And Enki... You were his only friend in the campus so he'd be alone again the moment you were gone. You were aware that you had a special place in his heart... When you were knocked out, he already cried so much that he used up all of his tears. Envisage his reaction if you truly died...
Now, you had a resolution. You would think of things thoroughly first before you decide to take action, well, that was actually what you should've done long ago but hey, who could blame you? So much stuff had amassed upon you that you really had no time to think things through so in the end, it causes a flurry of emotions within you that you couldn't handle.
"Father." You slammed the door of his study open. His mouth was already opened, ready to scream, but he collected himself before he could humiliate himself in front of his only daughter.
"What brought you here, Y/n?" He coughed as he sat up straight, placing his quill and the documents aside as he placed all of his attention on you. "Nothing. I just missed you, pa," you sat on the chair in front of him, and if you weren't shy as hell to actually show how much you cared for him, you would've hugged him by now.
"..."
"Pa?"
Sniffles.
"H-hey, are you okay?"
"It's just that... It's the first time that you've come to me for things like this..."
Sucking a deep breath, you swallowed your pride and marched towards him before awkwardly emobosoming your softy of a father. "Can you play with my hair as well?"
"Just because you are my father doesn't mean that I'll just do whatever you want," yet you still did. You were now dallying with his hair as he crooned in content.
Yes. This was your way of making it up to him.
.
.
A week after, investigation and the cleaning of the school grounds were announced to be complete, so students were now required to return to school once more. The atmosphere wasn't as tense as you awaited. And to your consternation, everything went back to normal quicker than you deduced.
"Y/n, my darling! I missed you!" Ruri squeezed you. She (You chose to refer to him as this since she hadn't technically told the truth to you yet) drug your arm and yanked you away from Kane who was now yammering because of Ruri thieving her amigo.
"You... You best friend stealer!" Kane roared as she pointed a finger accusingly towards Ruri's way yet the latter didn't display any interest to her. "I'll return her to you later so that you two can have lunch together... not."
Yeah, unquestionably normal.
She had tugged you all the way to the school's gazebo, so you two were now perched on top of the ledges. The school had newly-implemented free time for every students to enjoy. This was a tactic to guarantee that the students didn't feel too angst-riddem inside the academy's walls because of the recently occured tragedy.
It sure worked, because froshes were gabbling like bees as if nothing had betided whatsoever.
"Y/n?"
She said your name, and you grunted to notify here that you were listening. "You're already aware, aren't you?" She left the question hanging in the air. It caused you to place your eyes on her. Had she now decided to profess to you the truth?
"About you being a boy? Yeah, pretty much."
"Clever girl. But, it's really wondrous how you're so disimpassioned about it."
"Well, you've become a dear friend to me so I guess I don't really care about what appearance you went for." You toyed with your uniform's tie as you reclined your head on one of the poles supporting the whole gazebo.
"I wish everyone was like that. Ever since I was a kid, I'd always been browbeaten about my feminine appearance. People called me names, harmed me physically, and although I tried to ignore it, it was hard to when your parents did the same thing. They preferred Hideaki over me because of this face and my lanky figure... So I thought, if I had this effeminate features, might as well be the prettiest one, right?" Ruri giggled. His eyes weren't glossed over nor was he keeping himself from showing pain. It looks like he's already gotten over this and you were just mirthful for him not taking those things to the heart.
"That sucks. Pleased that you're not affected that much by it though." You blurted. Still, you were itching to ask a certain question. "What should I refer to you as? He or she?"
"I don't really care. But I'd love it if you called me 'darling' as well!" Chuckling again, he tossed you a query thereupon.
"I'm curious about something. I already told this story to other people, so aren't you going to say 'sorry' like them?"
"Why should I when I haven't contributed to all of those tormenting you received?"
It was quiet for a moment before you heard him laugh so much that he was wheezing, "AHAHAHAHAHA!"
"You're so funny!" He said between breaths.
"So as I've been told."
You inched backwards when he stood up and moseyed towards you before twirling a lock of your h/c hair around his fingers.
"That's what I like so much about you."
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