I've lost who I am

And I can't understand why my heart is so broken

Rejecting your love

Without love gone wrong; lifeless words, carry on

But I know, all I know, is that the end's beginning 

Shattered, Trading Yesterday

It wasn't as embarrassing as I had originally thought. Confessing to Vincent, I mean. But letting the cat out of the bag, I knew things wouldn't be the same between us. Considering our current situation, it was going to get more complicated for sure.

Vincent hadn't spoken a word since Alex checked on us. He just drove and kept his eyes on the road.

The few minutes of silence I had to endure only ended when we parked in front of a coffee joint.

"Let's... grab somethin' to eat first," he mumbled, massaging his temples.

As he reached for the door, I caught his arm. When he turned to me, there was a hollow air about him. Immediately, I withdrew my hand, almost regretting that little slip of the tongue back at the cemetery.

Someway, Vincent had made one thing clear: Master and familiar should know their boundaries. As a child, he had seen what had happened between Alex and Sasha. And I could tell Sasha's death didn't broke just Alex. Vincent too.I guess that was what must have prevented me from realizing and admitting my feelings toward him for a long time.

"What I said earlier," I managed to say despite the violent pounding in my throat. "If it makes it easier for you to just pretend it never happened, p-please do so."

Vincent stared at me, his eyes searching mine. "I mean I... always kind of knew."

For some reason, my eyes hurt. I blinked rapidly and forced my lips to pull up before rambling. "I ruined it. What was I thinking? Everyone knows it's forbidden, right? Maybe it's this reincarnation thing. Ugh. Nowadays, I just blurt out the first thing that comes to mind before I could even start to think it. So just ignore it... when I say stupid things."

For a while, he didn't say anything. Only his slow, controlled breathing cut through excruciating silence that filled us.

I wrung my fingers, a swelling creeping up my throat.

Just when I thought we had come to an impasse, hesighed, "It's not stupid."

"Huh?"

His quiet bitter chuckle filled my ears.

"Aramis, you know who I am... What I am. What I'm capable of. And every horrible and evil thing I did in the past."

I let myself get lost in his eyesfor what seemed like minutes when I was sure it was just a couple of seconds. Green specs in pools of melted silver, warm, like windows into his soul.

"I think being able to love someone like me is the bravest thing anyone could do," he whispered, struggling to even out his voice. The edges of his eyes reddened. Still, he somehow managed to give me this sad little smile that made my heart ache. "Thanks, Aramis, for being brave."

His hand moved toward my face, hesitating at the last moment. Instead, he patted me on the head. I felt like his kid sister. Just that mere gesture was enough to make me realize how I wanted more. Much more than this. But that was asking a lot.

Knowing I had a place in his life was enough. For now.

"Don't get all weird on me, now. Comprende?" I threatened, giving him my widest grin. "If Amyr catches a whiff of this, I think I'm going to kill myself."

Vincent was trying not to laugh as we got out of the Rubicon and went into the coffee joint. We found a spot and settled in. After having our orders taken, he headed for the bathroom.

It was actually liberating getting everything off my chest. Still, it hurt. Not like drowning or being in a tank. A dull wrenching feeling in my chest that was never going to go away because I would keep holding on to it forever as though it was my life.

I waited there, tapping my fingers on the table. The waitress came shortly to pour me coffee. Taking a sip, I let my eyes roam the joint, feeling out of place at the normalcy of it all. It felt like decades had passed since I left.

Out of the blue, someone slid into the seat across from me. He was reading the daily paper so intently that only his wispy blond hair was visible over the edge. His hand fumbled about for Vincent's cup and upon finding it, lifted it behind the newspaper, probably to his mouth.

With my forehead involuntary crumpling, I hoisted myself on my seat in an attempt to get a better look of the stranger who was sitting in Vincent's spot. Instead, something on the paper caught my attention: the date. I snatched the paper from the guy, my eyes widening as I read it over and over.

"What the hell? I-it's been seven years already?" I mumbled to myself.

"Seven years," said the guy. "And you still haven't changed a bit."

I must have looked like a crazy person, alternating my gaze between the guy and the date on the newspaper.

I knew the time concept between different realms would differ. It was just difficult to imagine how that much time had slipped past me without my knowledge.

Shaking the confusion off, I gave the guy a long, scrutinizing look. Blond hair, blue eyes, freckles. The familiarity was near-mechanical. Only now, he wasn't the skinny boy in glasses I remembered. He looked taller, a bit bulkier in that pea coat.

"C-carter?"

He took another sip from Vincent's cup and beamed. "I never thought I would see you again, Aramis."

If he was being sarcastic, I couldn't tell. Our last meeting wasn't really all that good. I had been nothing short of horrible.

What were the chances that we had to bump into each other just as I was looking for someone to reap for the soul offering? I looked at the sky, looking for answers. Was this supposed to be a sign?

"Aramis!" He snapped his fingers in front of me. "Don't look too surprised. I'll start thinking you didn't want to see me."

I tipped the coffee cup into my mouth and swallowed. The hot liquid left a burning trail in my gullet. Still, I managed to force a smile.

"It's just that... I never really got to say sorry for—"

"Don't." He raised a finger. "Or else I'll start feeling like a loser over again, getting dumped by my first love like that." With a huge grin, he tried to make it sound like a joke, but it came with an old, buried kind of lonely. "Besides, that was a long time ago."

I didn't know how to respond to that. Being 'Older Wiser', I was expecting some clever sayings to suddenly spout out of my mouth, but none came. Even my previous life didn't prepare me for this.

In perfect timing, I heard soft knocks on the glass wall. Vincent was already outside. He gave Carter a nod and pointed a finger toward the Rubicon.

His expression was casual, but I felt gravity in his voice when he told me, "Take your time. I'll wait in the car," through our mental link.

I tightened my grip on the cup just so my fingers wouldn't tremble.

"It's not him."

"No one said he's it, Aramis. I'm just sayin'... take your time."

A sinking feeling crept in the pit of my stomach. With Carter in the picture, it didn't seem so much like just a job anymore.

"So," Carter interrupted my train of my thought. "You and Vincent, huh? That's him, right? God, why do I feel like I'm the only one who's getting old here?"

Before I left for Halo with Millie, everyoneexcept Lindsayhad seemed to have forgotten about Vincent. But somehow, he recognized Vincent today.Some kind of Reaper memory Bind thing, I guess. Vincent did tell me that mortal minds normally create logical explanation for supernatural. But even I'm not sure how that works.

"I-it's not like that, Carter. Vincent is... actually my boss."

He laughed. "No joke? What do you guys do?"

As the breakfast was served, he dug in nonchalantly as we caught up on old times. I told him I was some kind of agent for Vincent's family business. Kept it vague. Redirected questions to him so it was him talking most of the time.

He was a teacher at a community college. Working on his doctorate. Lindsay was his colleague. They pretty much stayed best friends. He was hoping we could get together sometime. I told him we would be staying just a few days for business and it seemed to sadden him. Instead, he invited me for a drink after work. I didn't commit, but told him I would try to make it.

My face started to hurt with all the smiling—I hadn't smiled this long since I left earth—while he talked about our old classmates and who ended up with who. During my third cup of coffee, he glanced at his wristwatch. He said goodbye. Told me he would wait for me at this bar. That he was really glad meeting me again.

I couldn't say I felt the same.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Before you start poking me with pitchforks, Please do add me up on Facebook and Twitter! February has been a crazy month. Sorry for the late UD's. To you Filipino readers out there, please check out my Tagalog story called #LoveTeam and tell me if it's worth continuing. You know your insights matter to me so yeah. Please be gentle haha.

Part 2 will be up on White Day. Philippine Time. If you don't know when that is, look it up LOL. Just think of it as an opportunity to learn a new thing today. Teehee~!

Okay, now. I know you're getting annoyed. So I'll just shut up.

Bye!~