"The turning point in the process of growing up is when you discover the core of strength within you that survives all hurt."
– Max Lerner

Lucas told no one about his upcoming disappearance. Not even Nora. He knew exactly what she would say. She would drop everything to go with him, just months from graduating high school. All of her hard work would go to waste, and she'd end up regretting it or worse, resenting him. As for himself, he figured he could get his GED at his cousin's place and work in the meantime to help pay the bills.

He and Nora hadn't found an NA group like they'd promised Jeff, and Lucas wasn't trying very hard. He decided he'd find one in Chicago.

Likewise, Nora hadn't confronted her parents though she kept telling him she needed to. They told each other, and themselves, that they were just easing back into things.

It was just days before Lucas's birthday now. His cousin, Marcus, had already set up a guest room for him in his downtown Chicago apartment. Lucas had written two goodbye letters, one to Nora and one to his mother. Brian would tell Sarah whatever he wanted in the end, but Lucas would make sure and let her know he was still clean. Hopefully she would believe him and not spend her nights worrying about him buying dope in the slums.

On the day before his birthday, Lucas received a call with a weird area code. He didn't usually answer those, but something told him to pick this one up. He slipped through the crowded school hallway and out to his hiding spot near the courtyard.

"Hello?" he answered quietly once he was hidden behind the familiar brick wall.

"Guess who, motherfucker!" exclaimed the familiar voice on the other end.

Lucas laughed. "Gus. Hey what's up, man?"

"I'm still here. Bored. All the new people suck just like I knew they would. Nobody interesting or even hot. What's up with you? How's Nora?"

"She's good. Everything's good."

"Good? You're boring as shit too. Oh guess what!"

Lucas was smiling, imagining Gus drumming on the wall or bobbing up and down on his toes, hyped up on his own energy like always.

"What?"

"I decided I'm gonna stay clean when I get out!"

"Really?" Lucas asked, surprised.

"Yeah well, I'll give it a try. Maybe I can keep a job and rent a place when it gets cold."

"I'm happy for you. I had my doubts about you staying sober."

"Me too, but the winters there are a real bitch. You have no idea, Snowflake."

"Huh?"

"You're a sheltered little suburban bitch. I don't hold that against you though," Gus said.

"Wow. Fuck you, man!"

Gus was laughing. "Don't worry. Chicago's a dirty slut whose streets'll make you harder than a lap dance. Only a matter of time."

"Right. So here's the thing. I'll actually be headed up there tomorrow, much earlier than I thought... and without Nora," Lucas said, picking at a clod of dirt stuck to one of the bricks.

He went on to explain everything that had happened since he'd left the ranch.

"Wow, your stepfather sounds like the biggest douche on the planet. Brian. What a fuckin' douche name. What is he- a forty five year old frat boy?"

Lucas laughed. "He has the maturity level of one."

"Well that's not fair, asshole! I'm stuck here singin' Kumbaya 'till March! This sucks. I should just run," Gus grumbled.

"Yeah 'cause that worked so well for you last time," Lucas reminded him.

"Hey, if I'da thought to bring water I woulda made it," Gus said defensively.

"Sure. Listen, I'm at school. I gotta go," Lucas said.

"Okay, but don't do anything fun in Chicago 'till I get there."

************

Nora's hair was deep purple now, almost black like a stormy night sky. At the ranch she'd let it grow longer than it had ever been, hanging all the way to the bottom of her back. Lucas was obsessed with it, running his fingers through it all the way to the ends and twisting locks of it around his first finger like a silky ring when she wasn't looking.

That's what he was doing now as they made love in the laundry/guest room where Nora was staying. Lucas's bedroom still didn't feel like his so they spent a lot of time down here. Lucas would play his guitar, they'd talk for a few hours, and then he'd make love to her and try to ignore the fact that he was about to break her heart. That fact was especially painful today, the last day they'd be together for months.

Nora sighed as Lucas trailed his warm hand up her thigh to her ribcage, pausing to cup her breast and run his thumb over her erect nipple. His other hand was twisting her hair around his fingers. Outside it was snowing again, but they were warm in their cocoon under the covers, their limbs intertwined like ivy.

Lucas's body tensed and then shuddered with his climax as he groaned against her neck.

Nora laughed softly. "You okay?"

"Hell yeah," he said weakly, breathing hard.

When he could move again, Lucas rolled off of her and pulled her into his arms.

"Your mom will be home soon," Nora said quietly, tracing circles on his chest.

Brian, who was already home, generally let them do whatever they wanted. Now that Lucas was leaving, he cared even less about what went on behind their closed bedroom doors.

"Don't kick me out yet," Lucas whined. "It's cold."

The tile floor in the converted laundry room was like ice, and the few rugs that Sarah had put down didn't warm it up at all. Nora laughed at him.

"Poor baby," she said with a smile.

"We can just get dressed and open up the door. We have time. I think," Lucas said.

They pulled on their underwear and jeans under the covers, then shivered in the cold as they sat up to tug shirts over their heads. As soon as Lucas heard the front door open, he crawled to the end of Nora's bed and opened the door wide. They did their best to straighten the covers and look innocent on their cellphones when Sarah poked her head in.

"Hi, my darlings. Whatcha doin'?" she asked with Sam in her arms, still bundled up from daycare.

"Not much," Lucas mumbled, pretending to be absorbed in his screen.

"Same," Nora shrugged.

"Alright. We're heading out to dinner in an hour. Your choice, birthday boy," Sarah said, looking at Lucas. "Oh, and the door stays open. You know the rule."

"Yes, Mom," they both answered in unison.

When Sarah left, Lucas looked at Nora. "Okay, you cannot call her Mom too. That's fucking disgusting."

"Ew, nasty! Of course your mind goes to incest!" Nora giggled, throwing a pillow at him.

Lucas dodged it, tossed his phone on the futon and grabbed her in a bear hug that made her squeal and kick to get free. "Let me go, asshole!"

"Never," Lucas said, planting a big kiss on her cheek.

Nora relaxed into his arms with a sigh, and they were quiet for a long time, listening to the faint whisper coming from the heater vent. Nora's back rested against his chest, and Lucas couldn't resist planting another kiss on her fragrant hair.

"Nora... you know I love you, right?" he asked softly.

"Uh... Yeah..." Nora replied, her voice relaxed and dreamy.

"No matter what, you are everything to me. I need you to know that, baby," Lucas continued.

"What are you gonna do? Break up with me after we had sex?" she joked, running her hand along his forearm. His track marks were still visible.

"No. Never. I just need you to understand, to hold onto that no matter what happens in the next few months," Lucas replied.

"Okay, now you're freaking me out. What are you planning?" Nora asked, sliding out of his arms so she could roll over and look him in the eye.

Lucas could never get away with lying to her; she just knew him too well. That was why he said, "I'm planning all the things I wanna do with you in Chicago. I'm planning our wedding."

Nora smiled. She was so beautiful then, her hair messy and full of static, her makeup smudged a bit around the eyes. Lucas took a picture of her in his mind and stored it deep inside his brain where nothing, not even time, could touch it.

"And?" she asked.

"And... I'm thinking a nighttime wedding. On a rooftop. Looking out over the city," Lucas said, pulling the idea out of nowhere and yet seeing the image of it so vividly it felt more like a memory than a fantasy.

"Mm. Yes," Nora agreed. "Perfect."

"Where do you wanna eat tonight?" Lucas asked.

Nora shook her head. "Nuh-uh, birthday boy. You heard your mom. You pick. Oh and I haven't given you your present yet!"

She reached under the bed and handed him a light, hastily wrapped gift.

He ripped off the paper to reveal a white box, which contained another white box, which contained another, the one with the actual present: a note that said, "check your Ticketmaster app."

Lucas grabbed his phone and opened the app.

"Architects tickets? And a VIP meet and greet! Are you fucking with me right now?!"  he exclaimed.

Nora laughed. "You already had your birthday sex. Nope, these are real. The concert's in August, a little after we move up there. That city gets all the good shows!"

"Fuck! This is awesome! You are literally the best girlfriend! God I love you like crazy," Lucas said, grinning. He tossed the tissue paper and empty boxes on the floor.

"Figured I'd have a little fun with the packaging," Nora said.

"Very clever. No one has ever done that before. Never saw it coming."

"Bitch. Come on, let's go play with Sam while he's awake," Nora said, standing up and taking his hand.

************

That night, Lucas laid awake until midnight. Then he carefully pulled the packed duffel bag out of his closet and crossed it over his chest while he carried the two guitars and amp down the stairs. It took a total of three trips because he realized he'd forgotten the letters. Nora's was the thickest. He'd tried to make her understand. Now all he could do was hope she would forgive him, hope that he hadn't lost her forever.

Lucas tip-toed into the room where Brian and Sarah were snoring softly, and he tucked the note under Sarah's iPhone on the nightstand. He had written,

"Mom, I know you don't understand. I just need my space. I'm old enough now. I want to figure out life on my own. If you need me, I'm staying with Marcus in Chicago. Nora wants to come too when she graduates. Don't worry, I'll get my GED. I love you very much. I don't know when I'll see you again, but I promise you I'm clean and I'll stay off the dope. That's not why I'm leaving and you have to believe that. Believe in me. Please. Love, Lucas."

Next, he crept into baby Sam's room. He didn't have a letter for Sam, certain he'd see his baby brother again long before he'd learn to read. He picked up the baby and held him close for a long time.

"I love you, baby brother. I'll see you again someday. You'll be bigger, but just know that I love you and always have. I always will," he whispered, kissing Sam's forehead.

Finally, only Nora was left. Lucas forced himself to order the Uber ride to the bus stop before he saw her. He was too afraid he'd chicken out. Then he crept into the laundry room where they'd spent the afternoon and gently smoothed her hair off her forehead. Nora stirred but didn't wake as Lucas leaned down to give her a soft kiss.

"I love you. This is for you," he said, tucking the letter under her pillow.

With that, he walked out into the cold, snowy night. He couldn't resist looking back at the house where he'd grown up, even long after it disappeared from view.

End of book 1