TW: mentions of abuse and trauma

Why did you start writing? 

To me, this has always been a funny question. Why do we need a specific reason to start writing? Maybe it's just something we enjoy doing as a hobby or a way to pass the time. Perhaps we want better representation of a minority or even a place that you live. Or maybe writing is your saviour. Heck, maybe it's jut for fun! 

For me, writing was all of the above. At the age of seven, I started writing stories. When I look back on them, they were very, very crappy stories. No paragraphs, quotations, commas, no character development -- the worst! In addition, I've always been an avid reader. Books are the only real form of magic in this world--they take you to placed you've never been or ones that don't exist. They suck you into adventures, and it's so much fun.

However, one thing I noticed is that the colonized land we know as "Canada" is hardly mentioned in stories. As a Métis Canadian citizen, it's sad to not see your country represented or have character who doesn't have a Métis background (or any Indigenous background for that matter). That was definitely one of the driving factors behind writing. No hate against other countries, but I was sick and tired of not seeing "Canada" on the literary docket! Of course, there is a bit of a tricky situation in "Canada." This land is stolen land. It is colonized land, and that must be respected. Within my stories, I do my best to provide lessons in Canadian history by integrating them into my stories and raising awareness in the same respect I do with other issues. 

I also went through a dark period in my life. As some of you may already know, I started having partial seizures at the age of nine. During this time, we were unaware that they were partial seizures. My doctor told me that they were panic attacks as a result of puberty because women are "that complicated." For five years, I suffered from partial seizures that eventually turned into tonic-clonic ones. While this was going on, my parents went through a nasty divorce. My father turned abusive and physically attacked my family and I in May of 2011. He inflicted serious injuries upon my mom in front of my sister and I at the ages of fourteen and seven. He also threatened us with a loaded gun, threatening to kill us. 911 services dropped our calls three times and it took almost an hour for them to arrive and arrest my father. Had I not been there, my mom would be dead. After one night in jail, he was released. As an RCMP officer (police) he was given a slap on the wrist and was not charged. In fact, he was able to gain 50/50 custody of my sister. 

After a summer of, excuse my language, hell, starting high school that year wasn't much better. We still didn't know I was having partial seizures, which were getting worse because of the trauma and stress. My last name was also still "Wlodarczak" (I legally changed it when I turned 19 to my mom's last name, which is Kennedy), therefore making it very recognizable. My fellow students and people I used to call friends were not supportive. They thought I would be like my father or too fragile to talk to. This made me feel like an outcast, and because of this, I continued to skip school by faking headaches. 

Eventually, my mom decided that if the headaches were that bad, I needed to go to emergency. I didn't want to go to school, so I agreed. By the end of the day, we found out I had been suffering from partial seizures for five years and that I had a tumour in the left temporal lobe of my brain. Surgery was required immediately because I was at risk of losing my ability to speak, as well as prolonged tonic-clonic seizures, which can affect the brain. While waiting for surgery, I was put on medications to help regulate the seizures. They did nothing to help, which was why my surgery was pushed up from March of 2012 to December of 2011 (that same year).  In December of 2011, I had brain surgery and had the tumour removed. Surgery worked for a month; I was free of seizures and was very hopeful. Sadly, the surgery did not work. 

From 2011 to 2017, I continued to have a mix of partial and tonic-clonic seizures. Obviously, I do not speak for everyone who has experienced or is experiencing epilepsy. I am only discussing my personal experience. The medications did not work for me, which made it very difficult to function. I was not able to get my driver's license, shower with the door locked, go anywhere alone, etc. I felt secluded. I had no friends. I found the uncontrollable seizures to be very debilitating. 

Within these five years between surgeries, I started to write my first story "Come Back to Me." Because of how spontaneous my seizures were, I was not able to dirt bike as much as I wanted to. But I did go camping with a my family a lot. Every year, we would go camping during the May Long Weekend and October Long Weekend to a place called Johnson's Crossing in West Kelowna, BC. We had been going there for 30+ years (since before I was born!). It was my favourite place on earth, and one night next to the campfire, a new story popped into my head. 

Two teenager lovers with a passion for dirt biking, fighting for each other until the end. 

It felt like a burst of happiness in what was a very dark time for me. I worked on this story for five years and decided to start posting the chapters on Wattpad eight months after my second surgery in February of 2017. This surgery worked, and it has left me without seizures or useless medications. I have been seizure-free for just over five years now. I have my license, I'm in school, and I have gotten over the past. Healed from it. That is something I want to emphasize about it. Not to be rude, but I don't need condolences or apologies. What happened, happened, and all that matters is I made it through and found my passions. 

As terrible as this journey was, it is was reignited my passion for writing. I will forever be grateful for the good that came out of the bad. Writing brought me a lot of happiness and made me feel like I had a purpose when things were bleak. And I continue to write, even though things are better, because it continues to make me happy. I love interacting with the Wattpad community and being recognized for my work. Plus, I have a lot of fun creating new characters and storylines set in "Canada!" Overall, it's a very fun experience and passion I will continue to nurture forever!