18th November 2019

RENEE

I'm growing insane.

A few days ago, I'd lost all control, hurling the meditation stimulator through my room like an animal, and crying about it for three days straight.

Today, I found myself kissing Oliver right on the lips, supposedly because I wanted to save him, from Chantelle.

Who am I kidding? I've been wanting to kiss him ever since I've set my eyes on him.

I just didn't know that I would do it within a week.

It lasted for a brief second, a mere brush of his soft lips against mine, but the sparks flew tremendously, making me glow bright red like a traffic light. To my surprise, I found Oliver smiling against my mouth, before he gently released me, staring at me like he was proud of what I'd done.

"You-" Chantelle snarled at me. "How dare you-"

"That's what you get for claiming you knew my brother Mike," I found myself glaring wickedly at her.

Who was I and where was Renee Durvont?

"I did know him!" Chantelle shrieked. "And you have no right to Oliver-"

"Chantelle, I don't belong to you," Oliver spoke up, his eyes hardening with hatred.

"You don't belong to her either," She shrieked back.

Oliver wrapped an arm around my waist, sending a shower of tingles. I couldn't understand the effect he was having on me, the way his touch felt so familiar, it ached.

"Really?" He challenged. "Guess what? She's the girlfriend I've been telling you about."

I did my best to hide my surprise at his words.

"You're lying," She complained.

"We don't need to explain ourselves to you," I told her.

"Or anyone else for that matter," He said firmly, his jaw sticking out.

"Goodbye, Chantelle," I said, tugging the sleeve of his hoodie. Oliver took the cue, and we left the scene, his hand still on my waist.

He didn't let go until we reached the next period five minutes late, and our teacher glared us quietly into our seats.

As proud as I felt for saving Oliver, I couldn't help but think about Noah, and how I'd cheated on him by kissing Oliver. I pressed my lips together, trying to swallow the tears that were threatening to spill from my eyes.

How could I even explain what I felt? This crazy attraction towards Oliver, like he was all I'd ever wanted.

And my Noah was dying in the Pit of Darkness, taunted by Johannes and dreaming about the perfect Renee Durvont who had just cheated on him.

I've doubted it before, but now, I know for sure.

I don't deserve a guy like Noah Stark. He was too good for me, just like I'd been anticipating all along. It had been too good of a dream come true.

And I messed it up like I always did.

A note was passed onto my table, with weirdly familiar handwriting that said, "Thank you, Renee. - Oliver."

I looked at him, giving me a thumbs-up, his dimple shining on his cheek.

I nodded, pocketing his note and trying to avoid his alluring gaze for the rest of the period.

Once the class was over, Oliver walked straight up to me, looking like he wanted to say something.

I beat him to it.

"That was a mistake," I told him, my voice trembling with all my senses screaming otherwise. "I just did that to save you from Chantelle."

His smile fell off his face.

"I'm really sorry, okay? To you and your girlfriend," I whispered. "I didn't do this to lead you on or..."

"I get it," He cut me off. "I know that you have a boyfriend too, Noah Stark, right?"

He bit his lower lip, watching me carefully and sending forbidden thoughts into my very confused brain.

"Yeah," I nodded as firmly as I could.

"Got it," His eyes flicked up to mine, his voice low and husky. "I totally understand, Renee."

Why did it feel like he was flirting with me?

I blushed crazily under his stare, as his face lowered to mine. For some reason, he was grinning, his dimples gleaming on his cheeks.

"But there's going to be a day, when you'll look back and laugh at the whole thing," His voice was a whisper. "Until then, I'm leaving you to figure this out, because you're the smartest person I know... And this shouldn't be a problem for you."

And he gave me a wink, leaving me way too flustered for my liking.

*****

"You... WHAT?" Clover gawked at me.

We were walking to the last period of the day when I told her the incident. She had heard it from other sources, but Cloves had dismissed it for a mere rumour.

"Cloves..."

"Renee, you need a therapist," She sounded like she was panicking. "You're way too unhinged, and this is all going to snowball into one huge problem."

"I..."

"Go home," She pulled out her phone. "I'm calling Grandma Phyllis, and I'm going to ask her to set up a herbal bath to cleanse your aura..."

"I'm not possessed or anything," I spat out angrily. "Can't you give me advice like a normal friend?"

"Can you act like a normal friend?" She retorted. "One day, you break your device. Then you turn up crying to school, and instantly change when Oliver gave you marshmallows... Yes, I saw that, Ren. I'm not blind."

"Am I that obvious?" I blurted out, embarrassed.

"Completely!" She answered furiously. "I understand that you find him attractive, but Ren... You have a boyfriend."

Cloves looked concerned more than anything.

"Shit," I buried my face in my hands. "I messed up like crazy."

"And she finally realises," Clover muttered under her breath.

"What do I do?" I whined, my head spinning from all the overwhelming emotions.

"Apart from the herbal bath," She looked dead serious, her green eyes darkening. "You need to avoid Oliver."

"Avoid him?"

I thought about how addicted I'd been to his presence, and how his mere voice made butterflies shoot into my circulation. Was this infatuation? Was this love?

And why did it feel like a freaking deja vu?

"Avoid him like the plague, until you find a way to get rid of your emotions." She told me sternly.

I gulped, under her fierce stare.

"Okay, I will."

*****

20th November 2019

True to my words, I did avoid Oliver like the plague.

The poor guy was so conflicted with the sudden change in my behaviour, trying to find ways to talk to me, but I didn't linger for less than a second.

By the end of two days, he figured out that I was avoiding him on purpose, and he looked determined to find out why.

I hated this side of him. It made him so much hotter.

At least, one good thing that had evolved out of this drama, was that Chantelle seemed to be keeping her distance from Oliver. She had gone back to trash talking about Clover and strutting around the school like the model she was.

Wednesday came and went, with Oliver chasing me down after fourth-period physics, and begging me to teach him because he claimed he was weak at it.

"Renee, please," He whined, giving me his puppy eyes. The ocean blue colour had a calming effect, soothing my agitated nerves.

I remembered vaguely that Noah had blue eyes too.

"I'm bad at it too-"

"Bullshit," Oliver Jameson swore loudly. "You were literally teaching Ms Harris how to solve the fifth problem."

"Says the guy who found the tiniest mistake in the ninth one," I glared back at him while noticing his messy black strands and resisting the rest urge to brush them away.

This boy was going to be the death of me.

"That wasn't tiny-"

I heard Clover calling my name, and I turned my heel, stalking away promptly.

"I can't believe you still haven't figured it out," Oliver said loudly. "How many more hints do you need?"

"What am I supposed to be figuring out?" I demanded, turning back and walking back to him.

He looked amused.

"All you need to figure out is," He brushed at my fringes, leaning closer as we spoke, "Is why kissing me felt so good."

I felt his breath on my lips, and nervously I lifted my eyes to his. His long eyelashes fluttered down as he blinked, sending shivers through my body.

I swallowed. He leaned away, still smirking.

"You just want to flirt with me," I started angrily, trying to hide how affected I'd felt.

"Obviously I do," He answered shamelessly. "The sooner you pay attention to your emotions, the quicker you're going to realise."

I glared at him, before walking away as fast as possible, my mind pounding with his words.

Emotions, he'd said.

Not logic.

Settling down in math, I looked up to see Oliver enter the class, his eyes trained on me. He looked away quickly, but I did catch a bit of red on his hollow cheeks and felt slightly better about myself.

"-having a surprise test today," Mr Goldman announced to the class.

Being one of the best students in my year, it was only natural that Mr Goldman had a soft spot for me, giving me extra assignments so that I could practice over the weekend.

I took a deep breath, feeling Oliver's gaze upon me. He was sitting to my right, his navy blue hoodie rolled up to his elbows, and exposing his taut muscles underneath. I averted my gaze, the question paper would be the only thing I would focus on.

Not him.

"The person who finishes first will be receiving this secret gift from me," Mr Goldman waved the brown paper packet over our heads as if it were a rare treasure.

I could feel it in my gut that it was going to be mine.

The timer started, and I began to attack each problem, using every ounce of my concentration into figuring out the solution. Math had a way of relaxing me much better than other stuff ever could, the steady rhythm of my pen against the paper soothing my conflicted heart.

The questions were easy, I'd just revised this topic two days ago. I visualized the formulas in my mind, and I applied them correctly, thrilled at my speed.

"Twenty minutes up, twenty more to go," Mr Goldman announced.

I nodded, I was almost done with the paper, with only two problems left. The little brown paper bag would soon be mine.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Oliver raising his hand. I shot him a puzzled look, but he didn't notice it, his eyes fixed on Mr Goldman, who hurried over, puzzled.

"Yes, do you have a question, Oliver?" He asked kindly.

He shook his head. "I'm actually done, Sir."

I gaped at him, stunned. How was he done so soon?

And why was my stupid brain finding this incredibly attractive?

Mr Goldman picked up his paper, his eyes running over each step that Oliver had neatly scrawled in. Oliver watched him tentatively, drumming his lean fingers on his desk out of a nervous habit.

I returned to my paper, trying to finish the remaining problems. I was done too, but for the first time, Mr Goldman was beaming at another student.

"Brilliant," He smiled at Oliver. "The trick isn't to use the common integral, but rather one that would lead you to the answer faster. Well done, my boy, you earned this."

I narrowed my eyes. Only yesterday he'd claimed to be weak at math.

What a liar.

"Thank you, Sir," He mumbled, looking like he was embarrassed upon winning.

He accepted the brown bag, which revealed tiny marshmallows upon opening, and Oliver smiled down at Mr Goldman like a child.

He liked marshmallows a lot.

He'd even offered me some on the first day he was here.

Oliver settled back into the seat next to me, popping a marshmallow into his mouth, and stuffing the rest into his navy blue hoodie. He threw a callous glance my way, his bright blue eyes sending a jolt of electricity through my heart, which had just skipped a beat.

Wait.

WAIT.

Maybe my logic seeking brain was still picking at the pieces, but my instincts had always been on point, screaming out the evidence I was trying to ignore.

Oliver Jameson was my Noah Stark.

*****