What do pimps and farmers have in common?

They both need a hoe to stay in business.

How is pubic hair like parsley?

You push it to the side before you start eating.

What do you call a teenage boy who doesn't masturbate?

A liar.

What is the difference between acne and a catholic priest?

Acne usually comes on a boys face after he turns 12.

Why isn't there a pregnant Barbie doll?

Ken came in another box.

My first highschool football game was a lot like my first time having sex. . .

I was bloody and sore at the end, but at least my dad came.

What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?

She gagged.

What's the difference between a hippie chick and a hockey player?

A hockey player showers after 3 periods.

What does Donald Trump's hair and a thong have in common?

They both barely cover the asshole.

I've been taking Viagra for my sunburn.

It doesn't cure it, but it keeps the sheets off my legs.

What is the best part of a blowjob?

Ten minutes of peace and quiet.

I asked my wife why she never blinked during foreplay.

She said she didn't have time.

Did you hear about the guy who died of a Viagra overdose?

They couldn't close his casket.

Say what you want about pedophiles. . .

But at least they drive slow through the school zones.

What's worse than waking up at a party and finding a penis drawn on your face?

Finding out it was traced.

What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?

One is made of plastic and is dangerous for children to play with. The other is used to carry groceries.

What do you call a little boy with no arms and no legs?

Names.

What do you call a man who cries while he pleasures himself?

A tearjerker.

How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant?

He forgot to wrap his Whopper.

After death, what is the only organ in the female body which remains warm?

My penis.