You simply can’t paint a room

With your kitty cat’s tail

I haven’t tried it personally

But it is bound to fail

First off most cat’s tails

Simply aren’t fluffy enough

Especially the short hair breeds

Whose tail is mostly scruff

I guess short hair’s could be used

For edging and such

Between walls and ceilings

Around window frames and stuff

But if you are doing

All the walls in a room

You need a Persian or Angora

Or you’d be better off with a spoon

Still I’m not quite sure

How success could be achieved

‘Cause as soon as you dip that tail

That cat is gonna shred your sleeves

It is gonna hiss and snarl

And claw and bite

No matter how you hold it

You are in for one hell of a fight

I guess you could make that cat

As crazy as a storm in fall

Dip the tail, hold at arm’s length

Let the tail flick back and forth on the wall

It might work a little

But the paint won’t be evenly applied

Chances are it will be everywhere else

Except the spot you had in mind

I guess you could roll the cat around

In a paint filled plastic tray

But as sure as the sun will rise

That cat is gonna run away

Paint flicking on all the furniture

Painted footsteps on hardwood floor

Paint flying over coats and boots

Painted cat butt on the cupboard doors

Basically paint everywhere in the house

Except where it should be

And one wet paint, pissed off cat

Looking for revenge, eternally

So don’t be so damn cheap

Buy some drop cloths, rollers and trays

Maybe an edger, paintbrush or two

And keep the cat

Far

Far away

June 17, 2013