light a cigarette with a flame thrower ?

You simply can't light a cigarette with a flame thrower

It's really not that safe at all

It scares 8 lives from the cats

And really does a job on the walls

It's really kind of big and bulky

And doesn't fit in your pocket so well

And as for the cigarette itself

It kind of burns it all to hell

I've tried several different methods

To do it safely, but I guess

The end result is always the same

It leaves the house in one hell of a mess

And as for me, the damage is done

Not a hair left on my head

My eyebrows gone, my goatee too

And up top I'm bloody well red

Not to mention the crap I'm in

With my wife, who fails to see

The humour in all of this

But all new furniture, makes her pleased

Well, I wanted to give up smoking

It better for my health in the long run

This has been a push in the right direction

And I've a feeling, more pushes will come

So the flame thrower goes to a garden sale

For someone else who wants to handle

The big bulky cigarette lighter

Wait a sec, I take it back, I can use it to light candles

February 10, 2013