dear y/n,

i guess your wish wasn't fulfilled, huh? i didn't die in the car crash. i'm alive. sorry about that. you probably wish i was dead. my first night is nearly over. half of my body is shattered. the pain is killing me—literally.

y/n, in case i don't make it, i just want to say these things. and yes, there's a high chance i won't survive. i took an extreme amount of pills to be able to tell haechan what to write down.

did i mention that haechan is writing this for me? i apologize for the messy handwriting. he's sloppy. but both of my hands are shattered, and with my pain, i'm whispering out the words, haha. i wonder how accurate haechan will be.

y/n, you silly duck, why were you jealous? yes, my girlfriend did all those things to me; yes i knew i was being used, but why did you have to like me?

you shouldn't have. because if you told me earlier, i would've have been your boyfriend. i would've asked to marry you one day.

why did you wait for so long? i stayed single up until my girlfriend came. you went around and dated. you always called me your "brother." so why? was it not obvious that i liked you? it seemed to me that the farthest our relationship would go would be best friends.

y/n, i hate you. i hate you for doing this to me. for playing with my feelings but not liking it when i got a girlfriend. for not telling me about your feelings earlier.

i love you, anyway. come visit me, yeah? well, if you get this letter, it means i'm dead, anyway. i'm strong, though. i'll survive.

love,

mark lee

——

y/n cries. and cries and cries and cries. she can't remember a moment when she wasn't crying, the day he left her. crying and staring at her phone, pleading for a response.

so many thoughts in her head; so many voices.

she is confused, for one thing. why did haechan lie about mark writing it down, when he did? did he say it to guilt-trip her into reading the letter? she almost laughs out loud. haechan is too smart for his own good.

she is immediately drowned in guilt for laughing about haechan in a moment like this. here they are, mark's final words, and she isn't even thinking about the bitterness in his tone. haechan truly left nothing out. he hadn't edited a single word mark said.

but, mark. he would have dated her. would have.

a little too late for those words.

it should have made her feel better: mark liked her and thought about her even when in pain. yet these words just tie her down even more, and she feels the invisible noose tightening.

did he not understand that she had seen the way he looked at his girlfriend? she is very observant. he may have liked her, but he loved his girlfriend.

she trembles and shivers on her knees, alone in this too-big-for-one-person house.

as her pulse slows, her heart screams for her to stop hurting herself. to throw away the rest of the letters. her hands, denying the pain, grab the second letter and unfold it quickly.