HIM |KNJ' Book by  itz_army_bish

Cover: It is very intriguing, but I can't see the font. I suggest enlarging the font and adding special effects if you want to make it blurry. 3 points.

Title: It is not eye-catching, and it won't be easy for the readers to remember the story after they finish reading it. Honestly, I can't figure out how the title relates to the story. Please help me out here. 5 points.

Summary/Blurb: It is very lengthy, but it gives the reader a heads-up on what to expect when they see it. I suggest using simple words than going overboard with adjectives.

I.e '...with the salty liquid formed around her pupils.'. It would be preferred if you'd simply say she was crying. Readers enjoy lengthy stories. But it's not enjoyable when the story is long because of word overuse. 5 points.

Plot: I understand that your story is fanfiction. I couldn't figure out what you were getting at in the story. You started with a kinky scene and left wayyyyy too many paragraphs, then continued from another part. I suggest using symbols like this '-' to indicate a time jump than leaving that much space. It was a big hassle to scroll down. As for your plot, I do not understand it. I was confused. 10 points.

Character development: You did a poor job in introducing characters. I found it hard to understand who said what and when. Plus, you introduced them at a fast pace. I suggest you take your time to draft up your characters and figure out if they add relevance to your plot. 10 points.

Style of writing: This was the most confusing part of the story. You kept switching from first person to third person, and at one point, you were writing in the second person. Please settle down and pick the style of writing you want to use in your story. 2 points.

Grammar: I spotted many misspellings, punctuation misuse and missing symbols. I suggest you use Grammarly or Scrivener to help you out here. 5 points.

Total: 40 points.

Sweetie, pat yourself on the back. Not everyone is courageous enough to share their creativity with the world. Your work may not be perfect, but you shouldn't strive for perfection. My critique was harsh because I see the potential in your story, and I want everyone to see it.

I suggest you re-evaluate your work and try to work on the places I pointed out. I'm sure you'll get better with time.

Have a nice day.