"30 Days|(ONC 2022)" Book by PritongManokens

Cover: When I see the cover; I believe I would read an anime book or a manga of some sort. I advise you to replace the anime characters with real human beings or objects relevant to the plot. It will prevent readers from getting confused about what the book is about. Although, the clash of an angel and demon was a good clue. 3 points.

Title: I like it, but it seems heavy. I recommend leaving it as '30 days' instead of adding the remaining words in the bracket. 5 points.

Summary/Blurb: Short, simple and sweet. It explains the story and hints at what happens without giving away the plot. 10 points.

Plot: I am not acquainted with the tropes used in time travel, but I enjoyed your story. I love how you started in the middle of the war and move towards the goal to be achieved. The only issue I see is that your story is more plot-driven than character driven. A plot-driven story makes the character bend to the story's will. Many things will happen, but the characters are not fleshed out enough to suit their roles. Whereas a character-driven story is when the characters are the ones that move the story along, but the events do not agree with their demands, making them look forced. I notice that you have not reached the middle ground between these two devices. I advise you do so to make the story more enjoyable. Also, your story is fast-paced throughout most of it. Please slow it down so that readers can catch up and will not be overwhelmed. 22 points.

Character development: I honestly love the development of Elliot as the story progresses. I like how you portray his weaknesses and make him work harder to improve them. Although the remaining characters remain one-dimensioned. Taking Elijah and Zaila as examples, they are supporting side characters. There has to be more to them than being the anti-hero and best friend. As for Ythyr, I love the humour elements he possesses along with his personality. The friendship between him and Elliot shows how hard you worked on it. You did well in your characters just try to give them more dimensions and describe their emotions properly. 18 points.

Style of writing: Third person and informal. You did well in portraying the style, but I spotted some confusion between the third person and the first person. 7 points.

Grammar: Most of your words were properly spelt, but I spotted misuse of punctuations, redundant words and unnecessary paragraphs. Please correct these using Grammarly or get yourself an editor. 5 points.

Total: 70 points.

Overview: I enjoyed your book. Despite all the errors I saw, your talent in writing shines through. I also loved how you showed more than told your plot line. Although the search for the glass shards was unclear, I did not understand why there was a need to search for the shards.

Please correct the few errors I spotted and continue writing because the more you write, the better you become.

Have a nice day.