Review|fourteen
'Love Gaze [BxB] |' Book by UndercoverAuthor8
Cover: Very simple, it gives an insight to the story. 5 points.
Title: It's short but the use of unnecessary punctuations make it longer, although it is spot on. 8 points.
Summary/Blurb: Sweetie, please you could do much better. I know the whole point is to summarize the story but that doesn't mean you should literraly say the whole story. 5 points.
Plot: You were doing good at first but everything went downhill after, I think the fifth chapter. Apart from the pizzaz (me and this word) that was lacking, this is the first gay book that I have read. I'm a sucker for details and long stories. Your book had a good plot but it wasn't portrayed very well, I know that one of the leads is blind while the other isn't. (Correct me if I'm wrong), but was the goal in the story for Justin to get over the fact that he was blind? Then Mike's was to get extra points for college, right? All in all everything was rushed, there were only bits of what happened given and for the first time, I've seen a book that showed more than told. 15 points.
Character development: There wasn't much growing in any of the characters, except for Mike. You showed and told how he grew in the story but one of the minor flaws about him was that, I didn't get to see how his breakup with his girlfriend and his family's well being wass affecting him. 16 points.
Style of writing: You did well in this part. First person and informal, it's a classic and very easy to do. 10 points.
Grammar: The usual misspellings, just get yourself an editor or sit your sweet was down and get it done. 5 points.
Total: 64 points.
Now here's my advice♤
Like I said before, I'm a sucker of details. I normally prefer long stories but yours is a short one. I'm trying to not be biased about it.
Left for me, I think you should consider adding a few chapters and make them long. The key to writing a good short story is to give your chapters dept, that way your plot won't look rushed.
Also give the characters some personality, I know they are fictional but they should react to things the way a normal person would. I know if I were in a relationship and my boyfriend dumped me, I would want to know. Even if I am already admiring someone else, I'd still want to know.
The part of show and tell, in your case you showed perfectly that Justin is blind. As for the rest of the story you told it, try and find balance for these two things. Since its a short story you are writing, it might be hard but I believe you can do it.
Everyone has their own still of summarizing their book and I'm sure you will find yours.
I think that's all, nice work on being ballsy to write a gay book and post it out there. I'm totally on neutral ground concerning it, but if it makes you happy and it is your sex life, then go for it.
Have a nice day♤
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