'Heartbreat || JKK' Book by _Dinae_

Cover: The cover fits the book perfectly, since it is a fan fiction. 5 points.

Title: The key to this is make it short, sweet and understandable. The title is too long and it is already obvious that the person on the cover, is who this story is about. Hence it being a fan fiction. 5 points.

Summary/Blurb: I honestly could not understand it. Please take it back to the drawing board and I can promise you, that you will come up with something better. 5 points.

Plot: I had no idea where you are going with story. Don't get me wrong, I picked up some important things like, one of the male leads doesn't have a clue what happened to his parents. Or that the female is starting college. That's about it. Not to be a troll but the whole point if writing a book is to bring a piece of imagination, out of your brain and let the whole world see it. The plot you are going for has been used, dumped, picked up from the trashed and reused again. I know some plots never get old but the least you could so is spice it up a bit. 15 points.

Character development: I didn't see this at all. I couldn't even get past the first couple of chapters which might be why, but from what I see is that the side characters are there to make the main look good. 10 points.

Style of writing: You switched from third person to the first person by the third chapter. Sweetie, you can't write a third person chapter properly. I'm not here to kick all your hard work into the trash but it's the truth and it's not sweet. The expression 'stick to what your good at' comes in here, I'm not saying that you shouldn't but it's a hard style of writing to do and has a lot of rules. Try looking up the guidelines to it, so they can guide you on how to write it.  10 points.

Grammar: There were many spelling mistakes, missing punctuations, use of slangs, e.t.c. Please edit it or tell some one to help you do it. 5 points.

Total: 55 points.

Now here's my advice♤

Personally I'm not a fan of fan fiction (see what I did there). It's not like I have a thing against the genre, I just prefer when people tell a story that is not based on an already living person.

Now don't get me wrong, its normal to use real people as your characters but there is a difference when it comes to using their appearances and using the person as a character.

Basically if you want your readers to have a visual on the person you are trying to paint from your imagination, it is adviced to use someone who is real. That way the readers can picture the scence you make but when you use the person as a character and write a story that centres about the person, then that's a whole different thing.

I'm not going to bore since you can simply look it up, after all when work hard for something you appreciate it more.

Now your book is (please correct if I am wrong), centred on some kind of love story right?

That's a classic trope when writing fanfics, then the girl is a new girl while the guy is popular?

It has been overused and since times are changing, I advice that you can still use it but spice it up. Maybe add that has a whole backstory which affects her character or that he's an asshole because that's what his father trained him to be when it comes down to his attitude with women.

See, you're still using the story line you wanted but adding a few other things to keep your readers hooked.

Also please map out your book, that way  the readers know that the book has a destination.

Please refrain from using slangs, show more tell less and most importantly be happy with what you do.

And finally read books similar to yours to help you get the story right.

Remember that I made this book to help you and no one can grow without a little critism,  here and there.

Please do not feel bad, its a good story it just boils down to how you tell it.

'To be odd is to unique.' -THEO

Have a nice day♤