AN: I'm trying out different prologues for this story and might well delete this hah. This is set about a year before the main story events actually take place :) 

If you haven't read books 1 and 2 you won't understand a word of this but I thought I'd get something down as like a place holder and come back to it later  :) I also haven't fully worked out dates, time frames etc which is still something I'm working on. 

2030, Orekhovo-Zuevo, Podmoskovye, Russian Federation

'Ah, look at this African Queen, Nthabiseng you are incredible.' Tal grins.

Nthabiseng came all the way from Durban. She fucking came. And she looks amazing. She got her arm round us both. Near looks like a different person innit, she's beaming, got a bronze shimmering dress on and brown hair extensions with beads. She got these platform sandals on makes her taller than Tal.

'Oh, and hello little guy.'

'Thank God you're both OK,' Nthabiseng says. 'Hey. Emmanuel, say hi.'

'All right, Emmanuel,' I says. Bend down to the lil lad's level. Lil man grins at us. He got a proper cheeky lil face. Wearing a South African rugby shirt. Shy bless him, bundle of nerves.

'He starts school in a few weeks, don't you, big boy. I'm scared, typical mum of a 6 year old, is he gonna get bullied, is he gonna be OK, am I gonna be OK. And - at the back of my head there's always - you know.' Yeah, innit. Her family was all Saffers and she got a stronger South African accent now from what I remembered. She ain't really had one before, spoke like me.

'I don't know how much he remembers the first couple years of his life before we came back. I kinda hope he don't remember nothing!' Yeah innit. Giving birth in a tent, sleeping in the cold and wet. Fuck me. Life were hard enough looking after each other, looking after myself let alone a kid. All that shit you don't want em being haunted by.

'Bless both of you for coming. You brought anyone else along?'

'Nah, he's my plus 1. Just me and him against the world,' Nthabiseng says. 

'Anyway, lovelies. I got you your wedding prezzie. This is from me and Emmanuel.' Shit, she ain't had to. She hands me a massive box. I ain't even thought she were gonna come!

'How many countries we got represented here? We got South African, Russian, Serbian, Jamaican, Irish, Moldovan, Pakistani, Kazakh. Oh, and English, cos, like, of course,' I says. I takes the box, goes and puts it in a storage room by the back. Got em piling up now. Doina from Tal's work got us a massive card like them ones people used to get for charity.

'Did Kadeem come?' Nthabiseng says, nervous. Bless her, she don't know nobody. She don't speak the language.

'He lives round the bloody corner so I be a bit miffed if he ain't showed up. Yeah, him and his wife are sat with Andrei and Doina. Come wi' me.' I bloody insisted on wearing sensible shoes on this wedding with all the rushing round. I hope Tal ain't still wearing them stilettos, I told her to wear the other ones or her feet gonna be killing. All right for a night out when you's like 18 innit.

'Kadeem, love, someone here to see you.' He looks round.

'Oh, wow. Nthabiseng, it's been a while. Great to see you love, come sit down. And all right - what's your name?'

'Come, say hello,' she's saying to Emmanuel. Has my brother turned up yet? I don't think he has. Got fifteen minutes to go. He's meant to be best man and he ain't pitched up. Gonna try ringing him again. Is it cos Svetlana's here? He ain't so petty he won't wanna see her, I mean they sees each other for the kids.

Like Nthabiseng says it's always there at the back of my mind innit.

And there's also like, what people gonna say bout us, what they gonna say bout him.

'All right, Lou? Guess Mark's not showed up yet?' his mate Sinead says. Last time I seen her she played us this song bout Ukraine and Crimea and the Maidan I hope to fuck she don't start belting out at the reception. I ain't having us thrown out, only just got our residence papers. But like, she is right, they been pure fucked over. Maybe she should sing it, shake em up.

'Nah, he ain't,' I says.

'He can't miss his own sister's wedding, surely, he knows how much it means, love.'

'He don't think it means nothing, he says it's bourgeois. Me and Tal, we've like, surrendered to the patriarchy.' Her face just fucking says it all. It's so stupid innit. But we planned it months and months, he knows what time he gotta show up and he ain't.

'Oh, chick, it means something to you, doesn't it? I'll give him a call.'

'Yeah, do it, cos he ain't answering my calls,' I says. Trace is over in a corner, chewing Tal's ear off bout some conspiracy. I only invited her cos I had to. She ain't been vaccinated against Nipah. She ain't been vaccinated against Covid. She don't believe in it. When Mum were bout them two used to have massive rows bout it. And Tal's clinically vulnerable. I ain't wanted to invite her, only reason we had is cos she's family. Least her kids got their heads screwed on right.

If I were gonna invite my sister Harriet I ain't even knew I had, I gotta invite her.

'Nope, not answering,' Sinead shrugs.

'Has he turned up yet?' Tal says, puts her arms round behind me. 'I say we just go ahead without him.'

'Couple more minutes. Let's go stand at the front, tell the registrar the situation innit. When did gay marriage become legal in Russia, mate? You remember?'

'Only the year before last, remember, we were in that bar when they announced it, and we still don't have all the rights of straight couples,' Tal says. God, we let the side down innit. We abused Russian hospitality. Poked the bear. Carried on the way we woulda back in the day back home. And that rigmarole we had what with the paperwork and 'you being tricked into marriage?' and trying to get us to go English embassy.

Now I'm just stood there like a lemon. I shouldn't have tried fitting in such a tight tuxedo. I shoulda worn a dress like Tal. The fella meant to marry us, he's bout 70, looks like he belongs in one of em old Soviet movies. Interesting facial hair innit. Is that wax he's used or summink? He's sat there proper staring at us.

'Izvini,' I says, losing the words, been speaking English all day, that's what happens. I ain't meant to say that, ain't polite. So nervous I got trouble asking em to wait couple minutes. 'Prostitye. Zhditye neskolko minut, pozhaluista.'

'Nichevo ni nada, u nas vremeni.' Yeah, got time. Place is the back of the ZAGS office, they ain't given us the nice Wedding Palace like the straight people have, when we come and looked round before it were proper dusty and deserted, ain't many people getting married in here. Big old Russian flag, standard. Russian coat of arms. Picture of President Puzikova. A massive one of Putin. When'd Putin get assassinated, twelve years ago?

So many conspiracies. I musta watched every documentary.

He'd hate this. Us two married facing a giant portrait of him. We ain't even Russian.

'You know Gospozha Prezident is making the day he was assassinated a national day of mourning?' Tal whispers. Guilty conscience innit. It were blatantly her, who else could it be? Tal's gonna set me off. Gotta be serious else they gonna think I drunk too much.

'Sorry. Sorry, everyone. Especially to the – er, what's the phrase? The newlyweds, nah. I was helping this gentleman. He got his car stuck on his way to the hotel. I believe he's here for the festivities?' As Mark come through the door he proper whacks it against the wall. This tall black man come through with him, looks bout 60, grey suit. Love his tie, it's got suns and clouds and all that one on it. Who is he, though? And then I puts two and two together of what he's doing here –

'Oh my God,' Tal whispers. She's stood up, goes towards him, near trips on her wedding dress. 'Dad.'

'Haven't you changed since the last time I saw you, Talisha,' Tal's dad goes. She's tearing up, goes and hugs him, first time she seen him in 25 years. She's tearing up. She'd have told me if she'd known he were gonna be there. I'd have told her, course I would. We ain't known if he were even alive.

'And who's this lady?' he says to Tal. Ain't get called that often enough. AKA never.

'This is Lou.' She's proper showing me off innit. 'We've been together for about 15 years.'

He holds his hand out to me. 'I'm Bennett. 15 years? You must be a really great girl.'

Tal, bless her. She ain't seen him, not since she were 5, it's a pure shock, nobody told her. Part of me thinks he shoulda wrote to her before he pitched up like this, maybe he did and she ain't got it? 'I'm sorry I never tried to find you, Dad. She banned me from seeing you. And then...'

'And then the war started,' Bennett says. 'That minor little inconvenience. It's OK.'

'How'd he find her?' I says to Mark. 'Do you know?'

'Let's just say an anarchist podcaster mighta read a comment he made when you lot come on his show, and thought, ah, Bennett Morton. Familiar sounding name. Looking for his estranged daughter innit. Thought I'd give him a hand.' Says it loud enough for Tal to hear. She turns round, gives him like this big shocked smile.

'I know you lot both think I'm useless, but I done all right in this instance, innit?'

'Gotovites, devushki?' the bloke at the desk says, getting impatient. Tal's just got a chair out for her old man. She comes back, sits down by me, holds me hand in both of hers, in some kinda trance. We're here. This is it. This is the day I fucking dreamt of and planned out in me head for so, so long and ain't even thought we was gonna last long enough to see and it's here and it's real and it's happening.

Feel sometimes like I'm gonna wake up with none of the last 6 years existed, gonna be 24 years old again, back in hell, me and my rifle and my Captagon pills and my filthy muddy clothes I ain't washed in weeks and my empty stomach and my fear. Like we ain't the same people. Like I'm an impostor.

'Devushki?'

'Da, da. Gotovi.' Gotta stand up now. I'm faint. It ain't cold but I'm shivering.

The bloke gets up, starts the ceremony in Russian. They got someone translating cos half the guests don't speak it. I were worried they'd make me do it. It ain't a bad speech once he's got going. The words choking me up. Long time ago we done a lil ceremony of just us and comrades but we ain't had the bit of paper and I don't know what happened with most of the 'witnesses' neither. Except Kadeem.

'In the life of every person there are memorable events that leave warm, deep impressions. Today we have gathered here in Orekh ZAGS to witness one of them. You will remember today for the rest of your life. And as an aside – so will we. This is only the third same-sex marriage we have performed in this town.' Innit. The rest of our lives.

'You may start. Stand and face each other as you declare your vows. Louise, you may start.' They ain't usually got vows in Russian weddings. We insisted on it. I ain't all hung up on having it be like back home but to me it's like our commitment. Had to pay extra but, is what it is.

'I, Lou Jeffreys, take you, Talisha Morton, to be my wedded wife. I promise to stay by your side through good and bad times, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health. I vow to stay true to you and love you unconditionally for the rest of my days.' I'm gonna tear up. Part of me's screaming I don't deserve none of this, this nice room and these clothes and everything being so normal and so perfect, I don't belong here. I let people down. Left em behind.

I might have a panic attack, a full on screamer.

Not cos of Tal. Not cos I don't want this or I don't want her.

Just cos of what's always there hanging over us, it gets in me head, it's the pain I got in me arms and legs, the scars, on me tummy, when one of us has a bad day and gotta calm each other down. It's always gonna be summink I can't escape.

No one here can – cos they was there or even just cos of knowing us.

'Talisha, please now make your vows.'

'I, Talisha Morton, take you, Lou Jeffreys, to be my wedded wife. I promise to stand by your side through good and bad times, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health. I vow to stay true to you and love you unconditionally for the rest of my days.' She squeezes me hand tight. Looks me deep in the eye.

'In accordance with Russian law, I cannot register your marriage without first asking you about your readiness to take this step.' Deep breaths. You done all right. People here love you, everyone here in this room loves you to bits. You got Tal. The love of your life stood next to you. Not everyone's been together 15 years is it?

'Please answer honestly and sincerely. Do you, Lou Jeffreys, agree to take Talisha Morton as your legal wife?'

'Da. Yeah, I do.' Breath's caught in me throat.

'And do you, Talisha Morton, agree to take Lou Jeffreys as your legal wife?'

'I do.' Oh my God. That's it. Now it's for keeps.