The house is dark and gloomy. Cobwebs plaster the corners and in the thin shaft of light coming through the crack in the curtains of a window in the lounge I can see the heavy dust motes spiralling up into nothingness. Shadowy figures of furniture pop out of no where as I walk down the hallway and into the kitchen. My footsteps echo as I walk along through such a big, empty space.

Until I reach the kitchen. I flicker on the light switch to the left of the door frame and then I can see all of it. It is exactly the way I left it before the Quarter Quell. Guaranteed that I had tidied it up before that, but untouched the place remains.

Everything looks grimy and dirty. I shuffle over to the huge mahogany wood table and haul my heavy bag up onto it. Inside is where I placed my pills. I pull them out and gently dump the bag on the kitchen counter top, after wiping away a thick layer of dust with one swipe of my arm, sending it dancing into the air. I open the bag and begin to sort through the large array of pill bottles.

Antidepressant: Take once daily. One pill in the morning. Side effects may include drowsiness, headaches and vivid dreams.
More like vivid nightmares. I shudder to myself at the memory of my every night.

Mind Calmer: Take twice daily. Two pills every morning and two every night. Side effects may include drowsiness and depression.

Anti Tracker Jacker Venom: Take one pill whenever you feel an attack coming on. Side effects may include headaches, drowsiness, depression, shaking, nightmares, cold flushes, aching muscles, exhaustion and extreme anger.
This one is the worst by far, luckily I don't have to take it everyday, most of the time. The only problem is I don't know when an attack is coming on! It just takes over! I hardly get to take these in time. The thought makes me frustrated and I slam the small bottle down on the counter causing it to rattle.

Painkiller: Take two pills whenever necessary. Side effects may include drowsiness and hallucinations.
I usually have to take this one after I've had or had to prevent a flashback or an attack because they really take there tole on me. The only problem with them is that the hallucinations often seem to channel from scary memories or thoughts.

I end up tipping the whole bag out onto the bench and then lining the pill bottles up along the wall. I stare at them in disbelief.

What happened to me?

Its hard to believe that less than twelve months ago, I thought that I could be living a relatively normal, if not happy life right now. Now look at me. A scrawny, unstable boy who can't even tell which of his memories are true, let alone hold himself together.

I'm just reaching back to take my clothes bag upstairs when the phone rings. Who on earth would it be? As far as I know everyone still thinks this house is still empty and I doubt Haymitch would be ringing.

"Hello?" I question nervously when I pick it up.
"Ah Peeta! You did make it home in one piece. Good, good." A bright voice says from the other end. "Doctor Aurelius here, by the way."
"Oh, hello doctor." I sigh in relief.
"Yes, now I was just calling to make sure you got home all okay and to go over a few things briefly." He says seriously.
"Yep, here I am. All okay." I say with a slight edge of doubt in my voice. "What did we need to go over?"
"Okay firstly, I wanted to remind you to get into a routine with your meds. Try to take the ones that you need to take every morning at around the same time each day and same thing with your night ones. Also don't be foolish with them, only take them as directed, never any more or less. Only take your anti venom and painkillers when absolutely necessary and don't skip out on your everyday ones or else the consequences on your mental and physical health could be quite serious." He explains intensely.
"Yes Doctor, don't worry I will remember all of that." I mumble quietly.
"Also, I forgot to tell you that you are required to come back here for a few days for a check up and review in about a month to see what being back in District Twelve is doing for you, if it is helping or causing too much stress on your memory." He adds.
"Okay, that's fine." I agree.
"We can book an appointment closer to the time." He points out.
"Great." I huff.
"Peeta? Are you alright?" He asks me worriedly, noticing my urgency to get off the phone.
"Yep, I'm fine." I lie. "It's good to be back home."
"Excellent. Don't worry Peeta. I know you're ready for this, you've been doing so good with your progress. You haven't had a flashback in a long time now." He says encouragingly.
I don't understand what he means by this. I still can't remember hardly anything that is the supposed truth and I still feel so on edge and weary that I'm going to go off again.
"Thank you Doctor." I say sheepishly.
"Goodbye Peeta, I'll call you again in a few days, and remember, tell Katniss to get in touch with me." He instructs me.
"Yep, I will. Bye now." I say positively and immediately hang up.

The less I have to do with the Capitol, the better. But as much as I don't want to go back there again, I know that this check up will be good for my rehab.

I take the heavy bag and haul it up the neglected stairs which creak under my unfamiliar weight and drag it up to my room. I just let it droop by my side and thump it's way up each step. I get to my door which is just across the walkway at the top.

Hesitantly, I twist the brass doorknob and peer inside. Why are all my curtains closed? I don't remember closing them and it's just making this whole experience way more eerie and creepy.

I dump my bag at my feet by the door and cross briskly over to the curtains and fling them open. By now the day has fully dawned, and it's remarkably surprising how much better the weather is here then in the Capitol. The first hints of spring seem to be in the air. The sun glinting shyly through the clouds, the sharp wind reduced to slighter breeze and all the snow has melted away.

I open my window a crack to get rid of the musty smell in my room and breathe in the fresh air. Well, I'm not certain on how fresh it is considering on what I saw covering the earth this morning. Beside my house I can see smoke coming out of the chimney of a victors house that used to be uninhibited.

Once the air in my room is smelling a bit fresher I turn back to take a look at my room. Same neatly made bed with the same grey sheets and same comforter. Same thick, woollen brown rug dropping over the end. Same bedside lamp. Everything here is the same, except me. Same wardrobe doors. Same dark green colours on the wall.

I stop short on my list. Green. Katniss's favourite colour. Forest green to be exact.

This time, instead of forcing it away, I find myself actually genuinely wondering how she has been. If she's not coping well like Haymitch said, then what does she look like? Does she even care about me anymore at all? Probably not. To her I'm probably just one more loss amongst the rest, not even that big of a deal compared to everyone else who she loved and cared for so much. But then again, can I blame her? Do I even care about her either? Obviously I do in some way, but it can't be as much as before anymore. This is strange, I've never allowed myself to think this much of Katniss before. At least, as of late, I presume.

Exhausted from my long journey home, I crawl onto my bed without even pulling the blankets up over me, and fall asleep. Thinking thoughts about Katniss.

And I sleep for a long time. But it is in no way peaceful. My mind has cluttered itself with Katniss. Both distortion and what must be the real memories. I'm trapped in a fuzzy world full of nightmares and flashbacks.

The bread.

Her trying to kill me in the cave.

Her risking her life for the medicine.

Her letting the mutt bite me.

Her begging Finnick to bring me back to life.

Her abandoning me in the Quarter Quell.

Her watching me suffer.

Her deliberately killing us throughout our journey in the Capitol.
Even her sister, Prim.

I bolt upright gasping with a yelp. My head darts around taking in my surroundings.

It's not real.

I'm in my own house. Back here in District Twelve. Alone. Where nobody can get me.

It's not real.

It's not true Peeta. You know it isn't. Katniss would never try to kill Prim, she loved her.

Everything in my room remains untouched. It's dark outside and my curtains and window are still open but there is enough light for me to see that I am exactly where I was when I fell asleep. Safe and sound.

"It's not real, it's not real." I mutter to myself. "It isn't real. That didn't happen."
Well, it did, just not in that way.

I cup my head in my trembling hands only to find that my forehead is dripping with sweat and I let out soft whimpers as in rock back and forth.

Primrose. So gentle and delicate and innocent. Prim was the one that no matter how sad I felt, or even when Katniss and I weren't talking, I could always confide in her. She deserved the best of everything, and she got the worst. Katniss's motivation was to protect her sister, and now she's gone. Out of all of my memories, the ones of Prim are some of the only few that I am absolutely sure of. If only there was some way we could remember her by....

And then I get an idea. It's small and simple. Bit it's something at least. Plus it might even help Katniss in some tiny way as well. A beautiful memory of her sister. And the best part is, that I hardly have to be involved with it. So I can leave her to get on with her life in peace.

The Evening Primroses that she is named after. I saw some of them on the way here. Just a small bunch of bushes, but plenty enough.

Thinking about this has calmed me somewhat but I still feel restless. I'm wide awake and there's no chance of me getting back to sleep. Partly because I've gotten so much sleep and partly because I'm too scared. So I might as well get started on my plan now.

I scoot off the bed and glance at the clock on the wall across the room only to see that it's not working. I sigh. Judging by the moon's position in the sky, I would say that it is the early hours of the morning, around about 5am, maybe 6am.

Hastily, I head downstairs and out the front door. Since I'm still wearing exactly what I was when I left the Capitol yesterday, coat, shoes and all, I stay that way because it keeps me warm as I step out into the nippy morning air.

Where is it. Where can I find one.

I wrack my brain for anywhere there might be the things that I need. I can never remember using them, but who knows. I have a quick search around the back of the house and sure enough, there they are. A rusty old wheelbarrow in the corner and a shovel propped up against the overgrown fence. I put the shovel in the red wheelbarrow and grab them together and as quietly as I possibly can with the squeaking of the wheelbarrow tyre, quickly head out of the Victor's Village off into the grey light.