☆WRITTEN IN AUGUST OF 2018☆

A/N: So this will be HELLA stupid BUT, imma write it anyway. It's been a while since I've FORCED myself to write something sexual.

So, this is about you and L, on...dadadadaaaa YOUR WEDDING DAY!

Or, night. So, basically what goes down is this:

You're leaving for your honeymoon in whatever the fuck is your dream destination and you've thanked all your guests and financed your ceremony with his money from basically Alfred from Batman (Watari). So, you get to the hotel suite and you both realise you ain't got no clue how to well...uh...to use the laymen's term...consummate the marriage.

What happens next? Read on to see.

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The music from the evening before still rang in your ears as you were pulled along up a spiral staircase, winding your way to what felt like the highest room in the tallest tower of a castle in the skies above Tokyo. You were married, and you couldn't wait for the best night of your life, one to follow an unforgettable, incomparably amazing day.

"So...L..." you smiled as he turned around to do the same. "When we get there, there's something I have to tell you."

"It better not have anything to do with wanting to go somewhere colder."

"No!" You blushed. "We've already got the tickets. We can't cancel now."

"Sure we can." He stopped, leaning towards you as you looked past him into the oncoming twilight; the brightest point the sky remained defiant in the face of the sun, as shadows crept in. Still, everything seemed bright, shining and captivating: your world had tuned golden. "We can do whatever we want to. I'm alive, and I've got more than enough support since I was right."

"Yes yes, Light-Kun was Kira." You rolled your eyes. "You're not going to be able to gloat forever."

"You underestimate me, my darling wife."

"Ugh." You pushed your hand in his face, before tapping the side of it. Your ring scratched him. "Don't start with pet names."

"Fine." He shook you off him. "Are you going to be the one calling all the shots in this marriage?"

"Always." You laughed. "Now come on. It's not legally a marriage yet."

You didn't see him as you led the way, but if you had, you'd have felt so much better about your own nervousness. You wouldn't have even cared that you didn't have the chance to say what you wanted to. After all, what was about to happen was something with which you had absolutely zero prior experience.

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"Wow." You said it together, expressing your astonishment with what was before you. You continued first.

"I bet this was {Best Friend(s) Name(s)}." You shook your head. "They've always been more excited than I've ever been about me finally getting..."

"Married?" Your new husband raised an eyebrow.

"Not exactly." You glanced down. The whole room was pink, blue and orange, covered top to bottom in an array of flowery ostentations. Orchids, irises and hydrangeas surrounded pink and red roses. Petals of similar hues sprawled out all over the white 100,00,000 (or something else hyperbolically expensive) thread count Egyptian cotton down comforter. Little bowls with lilies encircled silver tea trays bearing an expanse of confections you couldn't possibly eat before the next day, and you were pretty sure you heard the soft strumming of violins coming from an unseen iPod in an equally unseen location. "Are those fur blankets?"

"I think they're robes." You scoffed. "Is that your computer?" You knew he still wanted an answer, but still, he knew you needed time to actually give one.

"I think so. That must be where the music is coming from." You stepped forward. The moment you did, sparkly paper hit your face. You heard voices then turned to look at the screen of what was definitely not your computer. It was far newer, and nicer.

"ITS THE BEST DAY OF YOUR LIFE {Y/N}!!!" You smiled, unable to be as irritated as you'd planned to be as your scowl fell away with the last of the gilded confetti. "HAVE FUN GETTING LAID. ITS ABOUT TIME." Your friend leaned in, smiling behind the screen of a pre-recorded video. She must've really planned all this out to time it so perfectly. You felt a hand on your back, turning around as the love of your life looked both surprised and pleased, but dually nervous and bemused. He appeared to be already halfway through another plan. He was pondering over something. His token gesture made it clear. With his hand around his face, he traced his lips with his thumb.

"You're a virgin?" The corner of his lips twitched as you nodded, your face surely a similar hue of the petals on the bed behind you. "Hm. Interesting." He backed away as the video closed on its own. You swallowed as he started unbuttoning his shirt. "I am too."

"You are?" You cleared your throat. "I mean...wow... I'm..."

"Don't act surprised. I am clearly not the same kind of man as our recently fallen Kira."

"Noooo." You tried your best to ensure L that he was just as popular and cool as Light Yagami had been, but it was useless. He could tell you were lying. "I mean, come on, you're-"

"Shut up." He smiled, though, as he cut you off. "At least you are."

"The same type of man?" You played around.

"You know what I mean." He nodded, implying you should come forward, actually try to start what your friend had been so damn excited about. "Teach me how to do this. One of us has to be cool."

"I don't know how." You groaned.

"Surely you've done some parts of it. There's got to have been someone you, well, I mean...ugh." He dropped his arms, sighing, looking even more comically bent over than usual. His posture in your later years would be an atrocity for sure. It didn't matter. You loved him. "That stupid baseball metaphor should work." You raised an eyebrow, folding your arms. You waited for him to continue. "Third base means some form of sex, right?"

"I've never done anything. I've kissed two people before you. I've never given anyone..." your voice trailed off. It was awkward. You pointed at him. He'd brushed his hair. It looked great. "One of those."

"A head?" He blinked. "Oh! Oh. Really?" He looked you up and down appreciatively. "And no ones ever done that to you? You know...like..." you were thankful he didn't try to make some gesture or reference the room service menu in an effort to refer to the female equivalent of such services. "So you're just as inexperienced as I am?"

"Have you kissed anyone?"

"Not before you." You blushed. He really wasn't like Light. He was innocent, and he'd be that way, even after that night, though, not in every way. Neither of you would be. "I love you." He tried to make it less lame. He didn't need to. "I never wanted to with anyone else."

"Not even Misa?"

"Okay maybe Misa." He pointed at you. "BUT in my defence, I know you liked Light."

"An argument concerning crushes past is not exactly conducive to a better experience for us, L."

"Fine." He smiled. "Let's go, then." You stayed where you were.

"How?" You fidgeted. You knew you'd be nervous once it finally came to this, but this nervous? You could hear your friend now. Shammmmeee. You loser. Then you'd both laugh. "I don't know what to do." You pointed at him now. "And don't tell me enough deductive reasoning will see me through this." You swallowed again. "I'm too embarrassed to think clearly." His gaze shifted around you.

"We could look it up."

"What?" You snorted. "I'm not sullying my holy matrimony by looking up pornography on my wedding night!"

"Not that." He walked forward. "Just the basics. A tactical approach."

"We are losers." You groaned as he tossed aside one of the overpriced, over-warm fur-lined nightgowns your friends left you.

"Sit down." He smiled as he pulled you into his lap. "This won't take that long." He grinned. "I don't let my emotions affect my reasoning skills."

You ran a hand through his hair. "Liar."

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Hours later, you rolled over, happier than you'd ever been in your entire life, as you gently stroked the hair of someone you'd loved unlike any other. It was messed up again. You liked it better that way anyhow.

"Are you awake?" You whispered. The candlelight around you cast shadows on the walls. It was lovely. You were so lucky.

"I am now." He almost whined. "Why? Are you not sleepy?"

"Don't you suffer from insomnia?" Your laughter woke him up more.

"Okay," he sat up, rubbing his eyes. "In my defence, I've never had anything relax me so much." You laughed harder.

"It did say men get tired from it faster."

"I'm not sure what we read was peer-reviewed." He stretched, and the sheets slid down around him. You knew he wasn't good to go again, but you sure were.

"Oh, it was. You saw the comments." You cleared your throat.

"We aren't doing it again." He narrowed his eyes.

"Aw, L! Come on." You held up your hand. "Not even for me?" You batted your eyes, clasping your hands together as a nearby flame glinted off the polished rock on your left hand. "Not even for Mrs. Lawliet?"

"You'll still be Mrs. Lawliet tomorrow." He looked out of the windows beside where he had been sleeping, peacefully, happily, an anomaly before he met you. "How about a little variety? We are flying out of here at noon. Can't you wait?"

"I waited years, man." You folded your arms. "Come on, most guys would jump at the chance for round two."

"I'm not going to sleep tonight am I?" He looked like he was going to surrender, to give in to your demands. You leaned forward. He stopped you before you could kiss him. "No. I've got something else in mind." You groaned as he got up, and got dressed.

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"Open your eyes." Your breath failed you as you glanced up. Moonlight reflected off the metallic sides of something you hardly expected to be faced with that night.

"L! Is that a-" he cut you off by giving you what you wanted before. He stopped, breaking away from a kiss in which you wanted to remain very much enveloped, leaving you hanging again, before speaking.

"It's my helicopter. Wanna go for a ride?"

"Ughhhhgghhhh." You groaned before smiling. "As long as we can do the other kind later."

"How crude." He smiled, too. "Still," he held out his hand. "Do you want to? We can fly until sunrise. It's really pretty from the sky."

"Of course." You took his hand, as he led you forward. "I've never done this before either."

"Really?" He put his arm around you, as your happy expression devolved into abject fear. "Me neither."

"What?" You tried to turn back but you couldn't. He held you in place. He was surprisingly strong. "What do you meaaaannnnn?" You weren't about to let an inexperienced pilot fly you all around the city until the sun rose. You'd die. "I won't let you kill me!"

"{Y/N}." He stopped you, placing both his hands on your shoulders. "Do you trust me?"

You nodded. He went on.

"I'd never ever do anything to hurt you." His smile made yours an inevitability. "And like I said," he looked up, as above you the starlight still remained just beautiful and wondrous as ever. It lulled you in, made you feel more at peace with what was to be the best end to the best day of both of your lives. If you only knew how thrilling it'd be to be up there, flying, you'd halfway doubt the subsequent weeks abroad would be as fun. "My emotions don't affect my ability to do anything, especially not something I do for you."

You smiled as you thew your arms around his neck. Though you were afraid, you did trust him. He was a genius, the best detective in the world, and the best person you ever knew.

"Liar." You didn't believe he was telling you anything but the truth then, but you held your ground. "I love you, L."

"I love you too, {Y/N}." He broke away again, but kept your hand in his. "Okay, then. Let's figure this out together, Mrs. Lawliet."

He pulled you along behind him, as you faced a fear that would never ever scare you again after that night.

"I wouldn't have it any other way, Mr. Lawliet."

"Funny." He smiled again as he helped you inside. "L is actually shorter than Mr."

You laughed. "You know what's really funny, or I guess, more so impressive," he strapped you in and climbed in next to you, turning over the engine. The blades spun, wind drowning out your next words. You screamed them as you rose into the sky, the terror you expected to face the furthest thing from what you were feeling.

"You just used your name as your alias the whole time!"

He laughed, turning to call back to you. You started to smile again, too. This was fun. "I know. People are pretty stupid sometimes. No ones ever actually said that point blank!"

"I guess I am smart then!" You laughed, too.

"Obviously." You could hear better after you took off; the coach steadied. Everything was amazing. It was astounding, truly. Tokyo, the city in which you'd met and fallen in love with the man beside you then looked beautiful from the air, just as he'd said. He complimented you in his response, and it made you feel somehow even better then you already did. "Why do you think I married you?" He smiled, and you were so happy, you couldn't stand it. This was heaven. "You're brilliant, {Y/N}. You're beautiful, strong, and brilliant. I'm going to remind you of that every day, for the rest of your life."

"Same to you, L." You stopped him from replying. "And no sassy remarks! You're beautiful, too. Much more so than me."

The way he looked at you made it seem like that was the farthest thing from the truth that you could ever say.

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Yayyyyy cute, eh? Sappy, but cute = sappy, at least most of the time. Haha.

BUT DAMN IT. I didn't write anything sexuallll. Shit. I had them go on a helicopter ride instead. That's it. Proof. I've regressed into an advanced stage of virginity.

It's all over for me, guys. My mother will never have grandchildren.

Nahhhh jkjk I'll bang someone eventually. AND what happens on Brittany's honeymoon stays on Brittany's honeymoon.

I will NOT call my parents right after I'm done. (Lonely Island anyone? (see the song at the top for more info/laughs~ it's my favourite)).

Okay! That's it for this then! Lemme know if there's anyone/anything else you wanna see!

Over and out.
~ Britt