So, you know how hell is usually described as "An eternal flame-pit" or "A torture chamber for the souls of the damned"? Yeah. Me too. But what if I told you it wasn't?

Hell, in all actuality, is like a club. Heaven, though portrayed as a cloudy wonderland, is just another club. While it is quite a bit warmer and populated by different types of people, it also lacks the diversity and homosexuality that makes hell, well, hell.

This story starts in a frozen wasteland, on a freezing mountaintop that holds the largest castle in hell; Umamio, home of Satan.

"But, Sheena, I'm telling you! Where do the ducks go for the winter? It's all frozen here!"

"Haino, I swear if you ask me that one more time—"

"But where do they go?!"

I finish my drink, playing with the little umbrella that's now looking limp. Sheena, my roommate, glares at me from across the table as the rainbow lights mounted on the ceiling flash off her face.

"I'll tell you this for the last time; I don't know! I bet even Satan doesn't know!"

"How do you know that?!"

"Well then, if you don't believe me, go ask him! I bet you won't!"

"Oh really?"

I stand up, the table rattling. Grabbing my coat, I throw it on and run out the door, still glaring backwards at Sheena.

"I'll prove it!"

"You won't!"

I'm about to respond when I walk straight into the door, falling through and sliding downhill.

"Aaaauughhhh—!"

I slam into the ground, then through the ground, which turns out to be ice. The cold water floods my clothes, even though it's really only two feet of water. As I struggle to stay afloat, I hear laughter from the bar. Well, this is embarrassing...

I finally manage to get out, collapsing on the firm, not-wet-or-icy ground.

As I get up, I hear quacking and—

Oh, the irony. It's a duck, a small mallard with yellow spots around its eyes. I walk away, ignoring its quacks that sound almost pleading.

After I'm a short distance away, I turn around. I don't see it back at the lake, but as I look down I see it pecking at my boots.

"What do you want?"

He looks at me, cocking his head, as if to say 'Food?'.

"Sorry little guy, all I have is cheese."

He flaps his wings, quacking. I pull the cheese out of my pocket.

"You want this?"

He quacks again, louder.

"Okay!"

I hold the cheese in my hand, letting him peck at it. He finishes it and looks at me, almost smiling. I stand up, but he follows me as I walk down the icy cobblestone road. After a few minutes, I look back.

"Do you want something?"

I bend down and to my surprise, he jumps in my arms. He's soft, and cold.

"You know what...because you seem to like me so much, I'll take you with me. I'd ask you where the ducks go, but you don't seem to know!"

It's true—the Great Winter Snowstorm is coming and all the other ducks have migrated.

He pecks my hand, and I laugh.

"Sorry, sorry."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I've been traveling for a long time now, explaining to the duck (which I've named Cheese) what everything is. Nobody's out at this time of day, so I don't have to answer awkward questions.

"Look, Cheese, there it is! Umamio, the home of..."

He quacks.

"Yeah, Satan!"

I laugh, ecstatic. I can't believe I'm going to see Satan! He's known around my town as 'The Best Leader'. Some of the younger children even idolize him!

"What do you think Satan looks like?"

He pauses looking around to ponder. He then shrugs, or at least he shrugs as much as a duck can shrug (not much).

"I think he looks like—"

I'm cut off - almost literally - by two spears slicing down in front of me. Cheese quacks, startled, as a piece of his feather floats to the ground.

"Why are you here?"

Without realizing, I had walked up to the castle gates.

"U—Um...I'm here to see Satan."

"Don't use our lord's name so casually, girl!"

I swallow, my throat suddenly dry as my mom's sense of humor.

"I-I mean, King Satan. I'm here to see...him."

The guards look at each other, as if they were saying 'Can you believe her?'

"No. You can't, he's conversing with his advisor."

I nod and walk away, an idea forming in my head.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Climbing walls is hard. Actually, to be fair, I haven't climbed walls before, but it's hard now that I'm actually doing it.

"You okay down there, Cheese?"

I have Cheese stored in my bag, which is hanging off my shoulder. The shoulder that is, along with the rest of me, halfway up the castle wall, and getting pretty tired. Cheese is heavy, truly.

He quacks, and I shush him. We're nearer to the window now, and I'd rather not be heard.

I manage to grab onto the window ledge. I push the bag, along with Cheese, through the window and slide through. I look up, reaching for my bag...

"Who are you?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It's a girl, with shoulder-length brown hair, cat ears, and a tail. Her skin color is unnatural too- a sort of peach, with small brown spots. Very unlike everyone else in hell, with neon hair and variations of purple skin.

"I'm..."

"Your name is Cheese, correct?"

Oh. She must've heard me talking to Cheese. Oh well.

"Uh-yeah, I'm Cheese."

A man, with neon-red hair and reddish-purple skin comes out from behind the door, where he must've been hiding.

"That's an...unusual name."

"Thanks-?"

I am cut off by the girl, who covers my mouth.

"I'm Foxy, and this is...Stan."

I wave. Kind of ironic that someone named Stan is living in Satan's castle-they must get mixed up so much.

"Hello! Do you know where-"

I'm cut off by the girl again.

"You're bleeding..."

"I am?"

I look down. I am indeed bleeding - I must've cut myself on a rough brick climbing up. A thin trail of light-pink blood runs down my leg.

The girl sniffs the air, and her eyes widen.

"Can I taste your blood?"

"Can you...? Um..sure?"

She reaches out a finger, then licks it.

"Your blood tastes good."

"I'll take that as a compliment-"

"You should."

She grabs my bag, and checks a contraption on her wrist.

"Blue'll be coming any minute now, get ready."

"Blue--?"

A glowing blue spiral opens up next to her, and in the middle of it is a rip. Like, a literal rip- it's as if there's an invisible piece of paper.

A girl with reddish hair and the same weird skin that Foxy has pops out of the rip.

"Foxy, time to go!"

Her hair whips around in wind that there doesn't seem to be on this side of the rip. Foxy pulls me by the wrist to the rip, and I try to grab Cheese off the floor. Stan stops me, gently picking him up.

"He'll be safer here, I'll take good care of him."

I feel a light tingling on my wrist, and turn around to see it's halfway through the rip. The rip starts to close.

"Okay."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We pop out on a sunny lane, surrounded on one side by the forest, and on the other by a large flower field. In front of the flower field is a country-style house, and a girl sitting on the porch.

"Hello Foxy!"

Foxy nods, and pushes me in front of her.

"Who's this?"

The girl has bronze-gold hair and tan skin, but no brown spots. She stands up, walking over to us.

"I'm An0n, nice to meet you."

She shakes my hand.

"I'm Cheese!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It's been a while since that happened, and recently An0n and some others have gone missing. Pyro and I were walking around the 4th Wall when we stumbled upon a crack...

"What's this?"

I stick my hand through. Pyro follows, then walks completely through.

"It's just another forest, but darker."

"Well, it's better than nothing...let's explore!"

I run through but, lo and behold, the crack shuts behind me with a steel-grating sound.

"...Oh."

"We should've thought this through a little more.."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A few days have passed, and we've set up camp in a large hollow tree. We found it when we were running from Darkguards- creepy people in suits with gold or jade bands.

Pyro has gone off to find food, or escape, or help or...hope, actually. We're also running out of food, so that would be good too.

I climb up to the top of our lookout tree, that has a ladder to the top and some walkways around it, made of wood and rope.

I sit on it, my legs dangling off, still half asleep. The Darkguard base we've been watching is still; there are no signs of the actual Darkguards. I feel myself drifting off to sleep...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Cheese? Cheese?!"

I don't respond, my mouth dry.

"Cheeeeeee-"

"WhAaAaT?!"

I jump down, balancing my weight as to not break my legs.

It's Pyro, but other people too. I stuff my hands in my hoodie pockets.

"Pyro, who are these guys?"

Pyro turns his head to the group.

"These were the people riding the dragon we saw earlier."

I straighten up and grin.

"Yay! More friends!"

~End~