I knew they were talking about me. Of course they would, they cared, but there wasn't a whole lot right now that I cared about and that was the problem. Losing myself in other things was what distracted me. I couldn't even work. Every time I sat down at my laptop I couldn't focus. I'd been through break ups before. Why was this one so bad? What made this one so bad that I decided to take a risk on throwing my career away? If I was caught acting like this...

A few nights later the bartender came over and refilled my drink without asking. He had already learned from my being here every single day the last week and half. I didn't even like the taste of alcohol. The whole idea of drinking and getting wasted just to not remember what happened had never appealed to me. Until now.

"Am I going to have to call you another cab?" the bartender said as he poured more amber liquid into my glass.

"Yea" I mumbled looking around the room from my perch in the corner of the bar. I didn't have the energy to try and find someone to bring home tonight. I really just felt like crashing.

"Fine." he said shaking his head and walking away.

"I think it's time you go home, buddy." A familiar voice said from behind me. I whirled around to see my best friend Luma standing there. Great, pretty sure I could bet money on who called her, but it didn't matter, she was already here.

"Go away, Lu" I mumbled waving her off and going back to my drink.

"Cut him off would you?" She said to the bartender.

"Seriously?" I slurred, hoping I'd at least have one more before I left. I wasn't drunk enough yet, I could still feel everything.

"We're leaving, c'mon." She said trying to stand me up. Sure, I wasn't really walking in a straight line, but who cares.

"Juss leave me alone." I tried to tell her as she sat me down in her car.

"Leaving you alone right now doesn't seem like a good idea." She closed the car door in my face and walked around to her side of the car. "What're you doing? Acting like this?" She motioned towards me.

"Sstopp. Leavee mee alone" I said again, hoping for once that someone would just listen to me and go away. I wanted to just be alone, or preoccupied with some girl long enough to not have to think about everything.

"What happened?" She said turning to me from the driver seat. I silently pulled my hood up over my head and leaned against the window and realized that I was a little more drunk then I thought I was. I closed my eyes and hoped that she would just stop asking questions. She huffed loudly and started driving.

When we got to the dorm she had to walk me inside. Standing on my own two feet proved more difficult than I had anticipated, "Chris, I'm serious, why didn't you call me? I know I've been busy with med school, but you've seriously dived off the deep end."

"I don't have to call youu any time ssometing goes wrong in my life." I spat out at her. She walked me to my room and I flopped face down onto my bed. "lemme sleeep"

"No. Not until you tell me what the hell you think you're doing acting like this." She was tapping her foot, I could hear it. She was pissed, I knew that. I just didn't know if it was because I left her out of it or because she had to pick me up from a bar and drive me home in my current condition.

I waved her away and rolled onto my side and curled up, my eyelids got heavy and I started to drift off. "Christopher!"

"whaaaat?" I mumbled angry that she wouldn't just let me sleep. Sleep never came easily and when it did I had to take advantage. Sleep was even harder when every time I closed my eyes I could see Aera with another guy.

She paused and kneeled down by my face at the end of my bed and put a hand to my cheek. I opened my eyes and while she was kind of blurry I could see the worry plastered all over her face. "You already know whatt happpened, don't you?"

She quietly nodded her head. I could feel everything start to bubble up inside me and no matter how hard I tried to push it down, it was overwhelming. I pulled my hood back down and put my hands to my face and I broke down. Everything I'd been holding in, masking, and ignoring poured out. I couldn't just keep everything inside anymore without exploding. She reached out and pulled me closer to her rubbing a hand down my back.

A short time later the tears had stopped, but what replaced them was a mind numbng exhaustion. My entire body was starting to feel the effects of the past week and a half. Luma was on the floor leaning against the bottom edge of my bed. She'd fallen asleep about 20 minutes ago. I felt bad keeping her out late when I knew she had classes in the morning, but having her there made me feel better. I felt less alone. I had to thank Felix at some point for having the balls to call her. I finally fell asleep around 3am, and that was the first night I didn't dream about Aera.