・・・ lxii ・・・

Ao stopped breathing.

In his ears, his heart was thumping loudly.

There was a sickening feeling in his chest.

A lump formed in his throat.

He felt all the strength leave his body.

The words repeated endlessly in his head,
even as he and Ame watched the car drive away.

—'I don't have a son.'

The world cracked underneath his feet.

—'I don't have a son.'

The air felt like it was suffocating him.

—'I don't have a son.'

I...

Is that the way you've been seeing me for the past years?

If I'm not, then what am I?

A mistake.

An unwanted child.

A useless person.

Ao's vision blurred.

Something was wrong with him.

No... from the very beginning,
the only thing that was wrong was him.

Someone... please tell me.

Was what I did... not enough?

・・・ lxiii ・・・

Time passed slowly.

Ame finally turned around.

When she did, she froze.

Ao was there.

Slowly, her expression changed from surprise to... fear.

No.

Don't look at me with that pitiful expression.

She reached out her hand,
even though she was a few feet away from him.

Her voice was hesitant.

Quiet.

Pained.

"Ao... How long were you standing there?"

He blinked. He stared at her familiar, warm eyes.

He didn't respond to her.

The silence itself was already his answer.

Ame looked like she was about to cry.

Slowly, she walked towards him, her voice soft. Pleading.

"That wasn't... Dad was just in a bad mood.
He didn't... he didn't mean anything he said."

—Lies.

Stop it.

I don't need your pity.

I... I just...

Ame was in front of him now.
She reached out to hug him.

But, before she did, Ao jolted and pushed her away.

They froze.

For a moment, none of them said anything.

Ao was breathing heavily.

Shut up.

It's all.. It's all...

"—It's all because of you," he spat.

・・・ lxiv ・・・

His words were like acid to her.

Ame stepped back.

She looked hurt.

Ao winced. He felt horrible.

No.
No.
No.

Why am I being like this?

He hated himself for saying those words.
He hated himself for feeling happy at her pain.
He hated himself for blaming it all on her.

But he couldn't stop.

Only a few moments ago,
everything had been perfect.

Now, it was all gone.

Ao breathed out shakily.

Ame didn't say anything.

She was looking at him with that torn expression.

Guilt stabbed him.

I'm sorry.

I didn't mean what I said.

I'm sorry.

Please smile again.

He was shaking.

In that moment, he didn't know what to do.

One.

Two.

Three.

After a thoughtless decision,
Ao did something only a coward like him would do.

He ran away.

・・・ lxv ・・・

Ao didn't know where he was going.

All that mattered was getting away.

Away from that house that never welcomed him.

Away from those people who never liked him.

Away from the pain that he never wanted to have.

"Ao— wait!"

It was Ame again.

She was running after him.

Stop it. Stop it.
Stop it. Stop it.

Why won't you go away?

After a moment, Ao froze.

Behind him, Ame's footsteps stopped.

His breathing was uneven.

His lungs hurt.
His legs hurt.
His chest hurt.

Everything felt painful.

Somehow, they had arrived at the bridge.

The pale light of the night sky made the water underneath them glisten.

Only a few cars were passing by,
momentarily illuminating their figures.

・・・ lxvi ・・・

As they caught their breaths, Ao stared at his shaking hands, refusing to look at her.

Please.

Please. Please. Please. Please.

Just go away.
Just leave me alone.

It's all my fault.

Because I didn't try hard enough.

Because I ruined their happiness.

Because I'm not dad's child.

Because I was never enough.

He made a shaky exhale.

Ao was crying now.

The tears fell on the sidewalk, one by one.

It hurts.