i'm coming here because this is literally the only place i can go and i know no one's gonna give two shits. i'm not looking for advice, please don't give it. i'd advise you just skip this chapter entirely

so there's this girl i'm dating, and i love her a lot, but i tend to get really jealous, and she has a friend who she dated for two years and they know each other really well and. idk sometimes it feels like they hang out more than she and i do and i totally get that?? because they've known each other for a lot longer and i've only known her for maybe 3-4 months? but i just. after my previous relationships and the one i want to not count i think i got scared and i don't want to let her go. but i want to let her live her life and i just. i want to feel okay and i want to not be terrified but i'm not okay and i am terrified and i'm beginning to doubt myself in everything and i'm beginning to hate myself a lot which is something i haven't really done before?. and i'm just. i'm getting jealous because she's spending time with someone she considers family. and i'm getting jealous because she's spending time with her friend. and the friend's told me multiple times to back off, in different ways, but it's starting to get to me and i'm starting to think that maybe my gf's been talking abt me to her friends, complaining abt me. i don't know how to talk to her and i dont know what to do when she's upset and i just don't really know her at all. and i feel bad because i don't necessarily put her in front of my close friends?? and i dont think she does it but i feel i'm somehow supposed to do everything right and i feel like i've fucked up so much this past week and. i'm just really scared and i just want to cry and sleep and i want to be with her but she probably doesn't want to be around me

i'm basically double standarding myself lmao

there's a lot more but idk how to put it into words