"What are you two consolation prize plushies laughing at?"

The tiny, brooding man that was Do-Kyungsoo walked into the chic lobby of Bean Better coffee shop.

He discovered there two of his towering subordinates snort-laughing into a phone screen—but at the sound of Kyungsoo's droll voice, the darker haired of the two giggling men tucked the phone behind his back.

"Show me, Sehun."

Sehun shook his head, eyes wide with the faux-innocence of a pup who has just watched you watching them pee in a corner.

Tiny Kyungsoo walked up, reached around and snatched Sehun's phone away—only to look at the screen and see:

"Is today April Fool's Day?" Kyungsoo asked.

Sehun's face screwed up in earnest concentration. "I don't... think.... You know, I'm really not sure."

Kai smacked his forehead. Oh, Sehun.

Kyungsoo glared on. "It isn't, Sehun. You prepubescent asparagus. So there's no excuse for this shit." He wiggled the phone screen in his hand.

"You said you'd deleted this. You lied to me."

Sehun tried to hide his smile. It only made him...and the golden haired Kai standing next to him...laugh harder.

"And... you thought you'd get aWAY with it?! ...God, you get dumber everyday."

Kai and Sehun were too busy snorting to take their tiny boss seriously.

"Laugh all you want now, but it won't be funny when I come to your apartment tonight and murder you in your Sailor Moon pajamas."

"C'mon, Kyungsoo-hyung! This is classic. I mean, your mom's Russian hat? A table top karaoke strip tease to Diamonds Are a Girl's Bets Friend?" Sehun wiped a tear from his eye. "Marilyn Monroe would be proud."

The broader Kai sighed. "You can't delete this. It's ICONIC. It's historic! It's—"

Kyungsoo dropped the cell phone into a soapy bucket by his feet that had a mop handle propped up and out of it. The three men watched the phone fall with a plop.

Silence.

Kyungsoo gave a dull look at Sehun, who now looked like space-time had warped before his eyes...or like couture fashion had finally been deemed irrelevant, and he could not compute.

Kai pointed out, "You know it's saved to the Cloud, right?"

Kyungsoo ignored him, his deadpan gaze unwavering. "Mop the floors, Sehun."

Sehun pulled his dripping, dead phone from the sudsy bucket and sighed. "Yes, Kyungsoo-hyung."

"And YOU. Kai, You aren't being paid to stand around like a human billboard. People aren't here for your face, they're here for great customer service. Go busk some tables."

Kai smirked. "You don't know much about how advertising works do you? This face BRINGS the money. And, while we're at it, this ass."

"Move that entitled ass of yours or so help me..."

"Yes, Hyung, do tell me what you plan to do to my sexy, entitled ass."

—

It was just another day at Bean Better coffee shop.

Which is to say, it was just another day of Do-Kyungsoo asking himself how the hell his life, so bursting with potential, had ended up at one of the city's most mediocre coffee shops, working as a shift manager over two absolute imbeciles:

Sehun and Kai.

In Kyungsoo's opinion, these two were as lacking in brain cells as they were overflowing in obnoxiously good looks.

Sehun was the kind of awkward and lanky guy that looked perfect on the cover of Vogue. Or a Kraft Mac'N Cheese box.

But spelling a couture brand correctly... or your name on that to-go cup?

Yeah, don't look for your suburban miracle here, folks.

Kai had the kind of "sex is me" vibe that was perfect for becoming famous as your stereotypical Instagram model—which happened to be his 'other' part time job.

As was being the effboy that Instagram modeling cesspools so successfully germinate.

Like algae.

Or mono.

And then there was Kyungsoo. He had the buzzed hair and frumpy cardigan look of your local science teacher, but with none of the approachable awkwardness. His face was a perpetual fixture ranging between indifference and disappointment.

A true father figure in the making.

His RBF... was legendary.
—

Kyungsoo was now rubbing his fingers into his temples from behind the register, while his two coworkers argued through their work.

Sehun had begun mopping alongside the far wall of the cafe. He piped up: "Ok but to go back to our conversation earlier. Corn syrup is technically NOT a sugar!"

Kai was checking his teeth in the metal napkin dispenser in his hand. "It's not-NOT a sugar."

"Then why's it say all-natural on the label?"

"I mean, look at my complexion, Sehun. Do you think this is all-natural?"

Sehun gave this thought an earnest go. "...yes."

"That's because it is." Kai winked at his own reflection. "I guess I'm not a good comparison. OH. Here we go. Kyungsoo's complexion. Do you think THAT's all-natural, Sehun?"

Sehun made a concentrated thinking face. "...Yes."

Kai smacked his forehead.

Kyungsoo interrupted in his deadpan voice, "Kai wears concealer. So he's lying, he IS a fair comparison for high-fructose corn syrup. Whereas, I do not."

"Ugh. Nuh UH! That stuff makes people fat." Kai frowned.

"It's also even sweeter than regular sugar, to the point it makes people nauseous." Kyungsoo looked Kai up and down. "I'd say that's an ideal comparison."

Kai winked at his superior this time. "You know you like it."

"Wink at me one more time. I dare you."

Kai took the bait; he winked again.

Kyungsoo rushed around the counter and yanked Kai's left earlobe HARD down to his own level. Then he gave a solid kick to Kai's shin.

"You wanna flirt like a punk teenager, I'll kick your ass like a punk teenager. Got it?"

Kai grimaced.

"This is a professional environment, not a dating app. I ain't your late night booty call." Kyungsoo let go of Kai's ear.

"I'll take that as a swipe right." Kai was positively cackling.