August 1963

John felt better when they got back to the hotel, away from the chaos and constant noise of the theatre. He splashed some cold water on his face, thought about changing out of his stage suit and then decided he couldn't be bothered. A quick nightcap in the hotel's bar and then to bed. Half an hour at most.

The hotel bar was actually just the breakfast room with the tables pushed to the sides of the room. A small semi circular bar sat in one corner with a set of optics and two beer pumps. It was unusually quiet as John entered the room. Just Paul, George and Ringo lounged around the table in the bay window; George and Ringo sharing the window seat, Paul in a wooden chair opposite.

'Where's everyone else?' John asked, pulling the chair beside Paul out.

'Mal's coming down in a bit, Neil's gone to bed and I don't know about anyone else,' Paul replied.

'No bar tender?' John asked, looking around.

'He's left us to our own devices,' George said with a sly smile, pushing a tumbler glass with a finger of whiskey in it towards John. 'Here, saved you this. Ringo was gonna drink it if you didn't come down.'

John lifted the glass to his lips, savouring the bitter fiery taste on his tongue. Ringo tipped him and wink and John grinned at him. 'Well that's alright for starters, but what do we do now?' he said, dropping the glass back onto the table.

'We help ourselves,' George said.

'...So long as we write down what we take,' Paul added.

'That's very trusting, isn't it?' John stood and crossed behind the bar, refilling his glass with a double measure from the whiskey optic behind the bar.

'Write it down!' Paul shouted.

'Alright show tonight,' Ringo said as John retook his seat.

'Yeah,' George agreed absently.

'In the end,' Paul said shooting John a look. John ignored it, studying the bottom of his glass instead.

'Yeah, in the end,' Ringo repeated.

John looked up, realising the other three were all staring at him expectantly. 'What?'

''What' he says,' Paul shook his head. 'Like nothing happened.'

'Nothing did happen, did it?'

'Oh no. Nothing. Just you nearly buggering off and screwing the whole thing up. End of the Beatles. That's all.'

'Paul, you're so melodramatic!' He laughed, but the other three didn't join in.

'What's wrong, John?' Ringo tried gently.

'Nothing is!' he protested, sounding just that little bit too flustered to be believed.

'It's not like you,' Ringo continued. 'You're not normally bothered by that sort of thing. She just came to watch the show, that's all.'

'Is it? That's alright then, isn't it.' Sulky sounding now. Ringo sighed and leaned back in the window seat, turning his head and opening the blinds an inch to look out.

John folded his arms across his chest. 'Alright,' he said, after a beat, 'alright. I'll tell you. This once and then you can all just shut up about it. And not a word to Cynthia either.' The other three remained silent. 'It's... it's really just got all out of proportion. I already told you earlier. I used to go out with Ruby, ages ago, before the band really got started, not long after me mam died, before Cyn...'

'At the same time, if I remember rightly,' Paul cut in.

'Okay memory man,' John rolled his eyes at him, 'there was a bit of an overlap. Me and Ruby were a bit off and on. Her mother was a right old bag, didn't like me, all that. Eventually it just sort of fizzled out. We went off to Hamburg, Ruby... Ruby moved away from Liverpool. That's it.'

'She didn't move, she...' Ringo said, then stopped himself. John stared at him. He knew. Ringo knew. A quick glance at George and Paul told him that they didn't. Or at least, they didn't know this.

'What?' George asked. 'Go on, Ring.'

Ringo's eyes met John's and then the drummer looked back to George and smiled. 'No, I'm just getting mixed up,' he told him. 'Ruby used to live in the Dingle and then she and her mam moved over the other side of town, that's what I was thinking of. But that would have been before John met her, wouldn't it, John?'

John nodded.

'So what's so bad that you'd have a little mini nervous break down like that?' Paul said, draining his own glass.

'Do you have to keep going on?' John snapped. 'I was... surprised to see her, that's all. Like I said we didn't part on the best of terms. I thought she was here to cause trouble.'

'But she didn't.'

'No, she didn't,' he agreed. 'Actually she left before it had even ended.'

'What sort of trouble?' Ringo asked.

John shrugged. 'I don't know. Everything's just getting on top of me. Brian wants to keep Cyn and Julian secret for as long as possible, and Cyn's not happy about it. I just thought Ruby adding to the mix would...'

'You don't need to worry about that --' Ringo interrupted.

'Yeah, yeah, I do...' John cut him off.

'No, I mean, Ruby's getting married. She's not here to stir it up. She was showing me the ring. Some Welsh fella called Billy or something...'

'She's what?!' John said, the aggressiveness in his voice shocking him as much as anyone else.

Ringo blinked in surprise. 'She's engaged. She's getting married.'

'And you didn't think to tell me this earlier?! Ringo! For fuck's sake!'

'Alright, calm down. I didn't think it was important.'

'All day, all day you've known this, and you never thought to mention it?!' He was standing suddenly, pointing at Ringo's face, trying to ignore the looks from Paul and George.

'John, I didn't even know you knew her!' Ringo protested.

Paul stood up, putting his hand on John's arm. 'It's alright, la,' he said. 'Ringo didn't know.'

John shrugged him off. 'It's not bloody alright.' He stormed across the room, Ringo saying his name behind him. Outside the bar room, John went for the front door, struggling with the latch to open it.

Paul caught up to him, appearing beside him, trying to get in between John and the door. 'Where are you going?'

'Out.'

'Now?'

John ignored the question and managed to open the door.

Paul pulled him back. 'Wait, then, we'll come with you.'

'No, just... just leave me alone. I'm going for a walk.' Shrugging him off, he stepped outside, stomping down the front steps.

'I'll... I'll leave the door on the catch for you then,' Paul called behind him. John ignored him and crossed the street.

* * *

Four Years Ago

When John promised Mimi that he wouldn't see Ruby again, he'd meant it. He'd meant it all that night, and all the next morning. But then, by the evening of the next day, he found he was already plotting how they might be able to carry on seeing each other, without anyone else realising.

It wasn't really all that difficult. They'd been seeing each other all this time already certainly without Mimi's knowledge. And Ruby's mother - well, they'd just kept out of her way too. Christmas passed, and then January and February, and it was March before they knew it. They kept meeting on Friday nights, never on a Saturday, Tuesday or Thursday, as that's when Ruby was busy with her theatre groups rehearsals and shows and whatever. John was not welcome. You punch one theatre director and apparently that gets you banned from the whole thing. John couldn't even remember actually hitting the idiot. He thought the bouncer had dragged him off before he'd the chance, but Ruby said that wasn't the point. John just held his tongue and put up with it. Most of the time anyway.

'Come 'ed, Rube. It's only up the road. Stu doesn't mind.'

'Well I do,' Ruby replied, as they sheltered from the rain under the leaky roof of the Hope Street bus stop. 'We're not going to Stuart's flat, John and that's that. I've got rehearsals tonight. I need to get back and get ready.'

'Bloody rehearsals again?' John moaned. 'I never get to see you, Rube. Please? Come on. Half an hour.'

'No, no way,' Ruby said firmly.

'Why not?' John said. 'It's freezing, I'm soaked right though to me skin. This bus is never coming. Stu's flat is - what? - Five minutes down the road.' He snaked his arms around her waist.

She pushed him away, but smiling. 'Gerroff!'

John held on to her. 'Just to dry off,' he said softly. ' We'll catch our deaths in this weather.'

'You must think I'm daft, John Lennon.'

'Please, Ruby.'

'You think I don't know what you're planning?'

'Planning?! Me?!' Mock shock. 'Ruby Hendry, just what sort of man do you think I am?!'

'I know what sort you are!'

'Yeah, but come on, it's been seven months.'

'What's been seven months?'

'Us. Me and you. How long we've been together.'

'I didn't know you were counting.'

'I'm definitely counting.'

'So what? You're getting bored of waiting?' She teased.

'Just a bit.'

'Good things come to those who wait.'

'What are you waiting for?'

'Oh I don't know. The right time. The right man...'

'And that's not me?'

She smiled. 'Perhaps...'

John smiled wryly. She was getting good at this. There was hardly a trace of the frightened school girl he'd met all that time ago. As they'd gotten to know each other, Ruby had definitely come out of her shell - strangely, all the more since that terrible meeting the mother episode. That was the last time John was meeting any girl's parents. That was sure.

'Saving yourself for marriage then?' he teased back, pulling her a bit closer to him.

'Bloody hell, no,' Ruby said flatly. 'Not if I can help it.'

'Really?' John said surprised. 'I thought all you birds wanted to do that.'

'What, get married?'

'Yeah, bag some fella, get a house, white picket fence. All that.'

'Well, not me. I actually want to have a life. Get out of Liverpool for one thing.'

'What's wrong with Liverpool?'

She untangled herself from John. 'Oh nothing and everything. Whatever happened here, John, except misery and drudgery and boredom? Don't you want to move somewhere else? Live in London? With all the glamour and glitz and razzmatazz? A whole world away from this dead end.'

John shrugged, crossing his arms. 'Haven't really thought about it.'

'You must have done! What about your band? If you really want to make it, you'll have to go to London or somewhere. There isn't many record companies in Liverpool, is there?'

'Who says I want to do that anyway?' Except he did. Of course he did. But he wasn't going to say that. He felt like having an argument instead. 'Everyone I know lives here.'

Ruby rolled her eyes. 'That could be just about the stupidest thing you've ever said. Well, you can suit yourself, John Lennon. Art school doesn't last forever you know. Enjoy your life in the grim north, then. Where it rains practically everyday.' She stuck a hand outside of the bus shelter to feel the fat raindrops, falling all the heavier now. 'Perhaps I'll send you an autographed picture when I'm famous.'

'Nice to know you've got such a low opinion of me,' John said sulkily. 'Perhaps we should just pack the whole thing in now then, if you're off to the bright lights of the West End next week.'

Ruby softened, moving back to him again, taking his arms and wrapping them around her waist. She rested her head on his chest. 'I'm not going for a while yet,' she said.

John pulled his face while she couldn't see it. They'd had this conversation before. He was getting rather bored of hearing about her dreams of stardom. 'Great,' he said sarcastically.

'You could always move with me.'

'Yeah, sure. Me, hanging around theatres with all you luvvies. That'll be the day.'

'Don't be like that, John,' she mumbled into his chest and John relinquished, lifting her chin up to kiss her.

Buses always turn up when you least want them to. Ruby broke away from him as the doors to the double decker opened.

'See you Friday, love,' she said, kissing his cheek quickly before she hopped up the steps into the bus. John just raised his hand in a wave as the bus pulled away, a strange melancholy feeling swallowing him.

* * *

August 1963

He'd only walked for two minutes when it became apparent that, despite it being August, it was freezing. The sky was clear, a blanket of dark navy speckled with stars. John held his suit blazer around himself, the cold helping to cool his temper as well as his body. What a bloody idiot, he chastised himself. They were hardly going to let the whole Ruby thing lie now, were they? Now he'd just lost it, flown off the handle when Ringo said she was getting married. And why? Because that had hurt, hadn't it? Hurt like a punch right on the end on your nose, shooting up and through you, echoing long after the blow had made contact.

And Ringo. Ringo knew! He bloody knew. But he hadn't said anything to the other two, thank God. Although, John realised, he was probably sitting in the bar right now, filling them in on all the gory details.

John walked directly downhill from the hotel, without much thought to where he was going. Soon the beach and the sea front came up to meet him. He crossed the road and stopped at the metal fence which ran along the promenade. The tide had not long since gone out, the sand on the beach was still wet and hard. He rested with both hands gripping the railing. Why had he reacted like that? He had a wife and baby himself. John and Ruby. They were ancient history, weren't they? A lifetime ago in Liverpool.

Swinging himself over the barrier, John walked towards the water's edge. The sea was lapping at the shore gently. The moon reflecting off the water gave the only light. He stopped a couple of yards from the tide. He flopped down on the sand, not caring as it stuck to his clothes. A few hours ago - not even a full day - he'd been fine. He was Beatle John Lennon - the funny one, the one who always had them laughing. He was successful, famous, richer than he ever could have imagined. He hadn't a care in the world. And now? Now he didn't know who he was anymore. Except, perhaps, deep down inside he was still that nineteen year old lad who didn't know his arse from his elbow. There was a figure, a little way off, walking along the shoreline. He knew it would be her. Before he could even see her properly, he knew it had to be Ruby.

* * *

Four Years Ago

'You'll get me shot, John Lennon!' Ruby said laughing, as they hid behind the large pillars that stood outside Lime Street Station.

'S'alright, she's gone,' John said, stepping out.

'Fancy waiting here. Inside, I said. I'll meet you inside the station.'

'I didn't know you were gonna turn up with your mother in tow, did I?' John grinned.

'She was coming into town. What was I going to say? It would have looked really strange if I'd insisted on going on my own. Anyway, I don't think she saw you. Actually, I know she didn't because if she had I wouldn't be standing here now.'

'What did you tell her anyway?' John asked, taking Ruby's hand and leading her into the railway station.

'That we were going to the seaside for the day.'

'We?'

'Well, not me and you we, obviously.'

'Obviously. I've checked the times already. Train's in about fifteen minutes. We just need to get the tickets.'

'I nearly had a heart attack when I saw you waiting out there. I was sure she was going to see you and put two and two together.'

John laughed as they approached the ticket window. 'Who did you tell her you were going with, then?' he asked as they joined the queue.

'Spencer, from the theatre group.'

John raised an eyebrow. 'Oh. Who's this Spencer then?'

'Oh, you know him, John,' Ruby said flatly, 'He's the one you punched that time at the Mecca dance hall.'

John grinned and Ruby playfully knocked his arm. 'Oh, yeah, Spencer, eh? Not sure I like the idea of you being so matey with him.'

'I've told you, he's just the theatre group director. That's all. And besides --' She dropped her voice. 'He doesn't like girls.'

A man wearing a bowler hat, standing in front of them in the ticket queue, turned and looked at John and Ruby questioningly. Quickly averting his eyes, he hurried away as John and Ruby giggled.

'Two day returns to Scarborough, please,' John said to the woman in the ticket booth.

'Four and six, love.'

'Rube?' John smiled sweetly.

Ruby shook her head at him but pulled her purse from her shoulder bag anyway.

* * *

August 1963

As she got closer, he rose to his feet and began to walk slowly down towards the sea. It was just the right thing to do. He'd been resisting it all day, and now it was time. She stopped when he was within a few feet of her, seemingly surprised to see him. John wasn't sure what he'd been expecting. Shouting, perhaps. Snide, barbed comments. At least a 'hello'.

Instead, she said, 'You've got sand all up you.'

'Your feet are wet,' John replied. The waves had rolled up and over her feet as she'd walked, the leather of her shoes was soaked. Ruby looked down at them as if she hadn't noticed. She shrugged, not caring. 'What are you doing out here?' she said, not looking at him, casting her eyes out to sea.

'Escaping,' John said.

'Are you following me?'

'No. Are you following me?'

She looked back at him. 'Not any more,' she said, cryptically and walked on. John hesitated a moment before he followed.

'Ruby,' he said behind her.

'Oh, you do remember me then?'

She kept walking, quicker, John had to jog to catch up. 'Of course I do,' he said quietly.

'Really? You could have fooled me. You walked right past me earlier. Looked right through me.' Her tone was sarcastic but sharp.

Sod it, John thought. If she thinks I'm apologising she's got another think coming. He pulled his jacket around him, folding his arms across his chest. It was poor comfort against the brisk sea air.

'What are you doing here, Ruby?'

She stopped and turned to him. 'Funny enough, I came to see The Beatles. See what all the fuss was about.'

'And what did you think?'

'Bloody rubbish.'

John smiled. 'I saw you leave half way through.'

'Yeah, couldn't take any more.'

He took a tentative step closer to her. 'And at the hotel earlier?'

'When you were suddenly struck deaf?'

'Yeah, what did you want then?'

'Not whatever you were thinking, you pompous arse. Oh, I don't know. To say hello. Because you know, we used to be friends. Or so I thought.'

'I'm sorry...' He'd said it before he'd time to realise. She'd got her apology anyway. Three minutes in her company and he was already saying he was sorry. It was just like the old days.

'Yeah, well, forget about it.'

'We were more than friends, Ruby.'

'Could have fooled me.' She sighed and looked out across the water. 'That... that was a long time ago, through.'

He nodded. 'It feels like it was lifetime ago. Like it happened to someone else.'

'Certainly for you.' She looked back to him and John moved closer to her again. She looked the same, but different at the same time. She'd allowed her hair to grow to shoulder length now, and with a long fringe which fell in her eyes at the front. A great improvement on the bottle blonde attempt at a Marilyn Monroe.

'You look really good for it, Rube,' he told her, meaning it.

She laughed. 'You don't change, do you?'

He shook his head. 'No. I'm still the same.'

'You've done really well for yourself.'

'Thanks.'

'I mean it. I'm glad for you, John.' She shoved her hands into the pocket of her coat. 'Well, I'll see you around sometime,' she said quickly and turned to go, walking back up the beach.

'What? Wait!' John said, jogging to catch up with her. 'Where are you going?'

'Home, I suppose.'

'And that's it? That's all you've got to say?'

'What do you want me to say?'

'I don't know.'

'Well then.' They'd reached the edge of the beach now.

'The hotel's just up the hill,' John said. 'Come back for a drink.'

'I don't know if that's a good idea.'

'Just a drink, Ruby. I'm sorry about before. Come and have a quick drink and we'll catch up properly.'

'Well, ok then.' She didn't sound too sure. John jumped over the metal fence again and offered her his hand.

'Do you remember our last trip to the seaside?' he asked as she climbed over gingerly.

'How could I forget?' she replied, rolling her eyes at him as she jumped down.

John smiled and offered her his elbow to link her arm through. 'Ruby?' he asked as they crossed the deserted prom, 'Did you really think the band were rubbish?'