Hi!! Not dead lol! And no, I never gave up on this one shot! Thank you to all the amazing comments, they inspired me to finish this final part to A Pain! Personally, I can't help but to think it's rushed, but none of the less, I hope you enjoy.

Emma wasn't always like this.

There was a time when she didn't always keep her feelings bottled up. A time when she confided in Ray, told him her every worry and fear to which he would wrap his arms around her and comfort her. She wished she could feel the warmth of his arms around her waist as she rests her head against his chest and he rests his on her head.

There was a time where she kept her promise to Gilda and would tell her if she wasn't feeling well or felt weak for whatever reason.

It had been a while since she had done either of those things.

When was the last time she had confided in anyone? How long has it been since the day she decided to keep her mouth shut? When did she start having these thoughts? When did she start believing that her family didn't truly care about her when she knows deep down in her heart that they do, and that they would do anything for her?

When did she start thinking she was nothing but a pain, a burden, to everyone?

She already had the answer to all those questions.

---

The hallway was dark, and the tile floor of the shelter was cold against her bare feet. She felt a shiver travel up her spine and couldn't help but to hug her pillow just a little tighter as she made her way through the quiet, empty halls.

She was on her way to see Ray.

It wasn't the first time she had a nightmare or a sleepless night. The very first time this happened was actually on their first night in the outside world.

Emma had been on edge, running on adrenaline from the still fresh escape. Any and every noise that she heard would put her even more on guard than the last time. And before she even realized it, she started seeing illusions in the shadows of the darkness.

She was paranoid. Paranoid that at any point demons would jump out and attack them. She held the blanket just a bit tighter, like as if it would hide her from any of the monstrous things out here. And even though Don was keeping watch, she still felt like as if anything could sneak up on them.

And it didn't help when she felt a tap on her shoulder that made her jump and—almost—made her scream.

"Emma?"

But then a voice ranged through her ears. A voice that she knew all too well, a voice that strangely comforted her.

She slowly turned around and the first thing she saw was Ray's bright violet eyes. And she wondered how even during the dark night, they still seemed to shine somehow.

"Ray?" Emma asked her voice slightly raspy. Possibly because she didn't get to drink anything before bed and up until this point she was too scared to move to grab her canteen. And it wasn't until now when she realized just how dry her throat was.

Ray—obviously—heard her hoarse sounding voice. She saw his eyes widen just a bit before they went back to their normal unreadable look. He leaned over to his left a bit before grabbing her canteen and handing it to her.

"Here." He said, and Emma quickly sat up and practically snatched the cup out of his hands. She muttered a quiet 'thank you' before basically chugging a majority of it down.

When she finished she couldn't help but to feel like as if a giant weight had been lifted off her shoulders. She swore she heard Ray give out a small chuckle, but when she looked at him again he still had his usual nonchalant expression on his face.

She thanked him again and he only shook his head in reply. There's a silence shared between them, but it wasn't an awkward or uncomfortable silence. If anything, it had made Emma feel a lot less anxious and more relaxed and for the first time that night she let her eyes flutter close for just a few short seconds.

"You can't sleep can you?"

His words had surprised her and caused her jump just a tiny bit. Her eyes snapped open and she turned to face him, but his gaze was fixed on the sight of their family sleeping peacefully.

Ray had read her so easily, something that, at the time, she wasn't quite used to from him, from Norman yes, but not really from Ray.

She had the feeling she would have to get used to that.

"No, I keep on having paranoid thoughts I guess..."

Her gaze was so fixed to the liquid in her canteen that she missed the way how Ray's eyes left their siblings and glanced over at her for a second before returning to the younger children.

Though she didn't want to admit it, she had been scared that he was going to ask her about what type of thoughts. But the only sound that was exchanged between them was the peaceful feeling of the wind hitting them and ringing through their ears.

"Can I sleep with you, just for tonight?"

The words had left her mouth before she had even registered them in her head. And for some odd reason the back of her neck had felt warm. She had opened her mouth and turned to face him but before she could take back what she had said, Ray had already replied.

"Sure."

His hair was covering his face so she couldn't see his expression. But even then she didn't argue with him. Ray had gotten up to grab his blanket and laid down right next to Emma. And without any hesitation she had snuggled up to his chest.

It was the first time she had let her guard down for just a moment that night.

The moments when waiting for Ray to open the door were always agonizing for her. She was always scared that he was already asleep and had woken him up. But he would always open the door with a book in his hand or Emma would walk in with him reading. And if he was woken up by her he didn't show it.

She heard shuffling from the other side of the door and Emma felt her lips about to rise in a small smile of relief until she saw his eyes.

There was something about the look in his eyes, something that matched or was similar to exhaustion, frustration, and annoyance. Emma couldn't tell if it was one of them or if Ray was feeling a mixture of all three.

She had suddenly felt uncomfortable, like as if she wasn't supposed to be there. And she felt a strong urge in her heart to tell Ray 'never mind!' and to turn back around and walk back to her own room.

But she couldn't, because Ray already knew her like a book. And without saying a word he moved to the side to let her in. She opened her mouth slightly to say something only to close it while looking down to the ground. And with a heart filled with guilt, she walked into his room.

She couldn't help but to feel like she was being a burden to him, like a heavy weight that was on his shoulders but couldn't get rid of. She had always known that she could lean on him and that he could lean on her since the day they escaped. But she never stopped to consider how Ray felt about her leaning on him so much, or if he even wanted her too.

She felt selfish, anxious, uncomfortable, but she pushed the feelings away and told herself that it was just her imagination. And that it was only her thoughts trying to turn against her. She lay down next to him on his bed and cuddled with him like how she usually did on nights like this. Her body relaxed and before she knew it she was out like a light.

The next morning when she saw the bags under his eyes guilt hit her like a truck. And in that moment it felt like as if something deep inside her had cracked.

It had been a month since then, and Emma hadn't sought Ray for any type of comfort since.

---

She's the worst.

That's all that goes through Emma's head as she stares at the ceiling of the bedroom. After she yelled at Ray, she ran into one of the few empty rooms in the shelter, and hid herself behind one of the bunk beds, her knees curled up to her chest as her arms rested on them.

She feels limp, guilty, and numb. How selfish of her. To only think about her suffering when Ray was suffering about something himself. She was too wrapped up in her own stupid world to even notice he was in pain.

She laughs to herself in the dark room, what was she doing? She shouldn't be here feeling sorry about herself, she should be looking for Ray and asking him what was it that has been bothering him so much and then comfort him.

So why... Did she feel tired? Yes, she was aware that for the past three days she's only gotten four hours of sleep, but this feeling of tiredness was different. Just the thought of having to comfort someone made her unbelievably tired. No matter what, she couldn't bring herself to stand up. It was as if all her energy was just drained away from her. On one side she wanted to be alone, and now she is. But on the other, she wanted someone next to her, to comfort her.

Maybe in a way, this was her punishment for being selfish.

Her eyes trail down and stare at the floor blankly as she feels despair swirl in her chest. The sound of the door opening snaps her out of her daze like state. Bright light fills the room and Emma turns to the source of it. And a familiar silhouette stands at the doorway. His eyes filled with concern and hurt. And Emma quickly looks away and back at the floor, well at least now she doesn't have to look for Ray.

She hears him walk in and close the door behind him. And even as he steps closer and closer to her, his footsteps don't seem to get all that louder. She hears him when he stops and sits right in front of her. But she never once looks up at him. She can't bring herself to.

Silence fills the air between them. It's neither comforting nor awkward. Emma opens her mouth but closes it. She doesn't know what to say, she can't help but to feel like if she says anything she'll make things worse.

But she also wants to try to mend things, even if it's not fully possible, and even if she feels too tired to do so. She had to get herself together, Emma was the glue that held her entire family together, and if she fell apart they would all fall apart.

Yeah, she had to be strong, for the sake of her family.

"I'm sorry I raised my voice at you..." She musters, she keeps her eyes fixed on the floor and out of the corner of her gaze she can see Ray's boots. "You were just concerned and I snapped and took my anger out on you for no reason. I'm sorry..."

"It's okay Emma; I handled the situation wrong so if anything I deserved it. I'm sorry if it felt like I was bothering you."

"Well I bother you all the time so now we're even." She says with a grin and looks up to face him, expecting him to return the smile or to chuckle but he doesn't. Well, he does muster a small, weak smile, but the look in his eyes tells her that he can see through her statement.

And the uneasiness fills in again. She doesn't want to be here, she's tempted to run out of the room and away from him, but Emma knows that running away from things never solves your problems.

So then she tries desperately to find something in her head that they could talk about instead of what just happened in the archives room. And it's then that she remembers that look in Ray's eyes when she ran out and that something was probably bothering him. So she goes with that.

"Something's worrying you isn't it?"

"Huh?" His eyes widen slightly and Emma just gives him a serene smile.

"You're like a book to me Ray. I always know when something is on your mind." She looks to the ground—at his hand—before placing hers on top. "You can tell me you know. No matter what it is, or how much it hurts, you can tell me. I'm always here for you, Ray."

There's a pause between them. And Ray stares at her in astonishment with his mouth hanging open just a bit before he seems to realize this and shuts it closed. He looks to his bottom left like as if he's thinking before fully tilting his head down to the ground and covering his face from Emma with his hair.

"You." He whispers so quietly that Emma almost missed what he said.

"Huh?" She replies.

"It's you. You're worrying me."

"Eh? What do you mean?" Emma's eyes are wide, and she can't help but to feel guilty about worrying Ray because one of the whole points of her doing this is so she didn't have to worry him anymore.

"Exactly what you think I mean. Emma, you are the thing that's worrying me."

His eyes don't leave the ground as he continues.

"You keep to yourself a lot now, you never share anything anymore, and it feels like you spend a majority of the day in the archives researching for the Seven Walls."

"It's like as if you're separating yourself from us," He continues. "And it worries me because... Because your actions are reminding me of mine back at Grace Field. Which is why, I can't help but to ask."

He slowly looks up at her, and the first thing she sees is the look of worry and fear in his eyes.

And for the first time in a whole month, she lets herself believe the fact that it's for her and not someone or something else.

"Emma, have you ever wanted to die?"

"Huh?"

There's a silence that surrounds them, and it's not comforting. It brings tension into the air and makes the back of Emma's neck feel hot.

There was so much to that one sentence. So much that one simple question could carry. And it hits her like a bullet when she realizes that Ray was asking her if she wanted to die.

She can't help but want to laugh, because maybe she's not as good at hiding and covering up her emotions as she thought she was. And the fact that the only person she was fooling was herself while making everyone else worry about her hits her so hard that she can't help but to feel like she wants to cry from the things she kept bottled up not only this month, but for so long.

So she unscrews the cap, puts down her wall, and lets her emotions spill out.

"I..." Her breath is shaky, and she's not sure if it's from the fear or the overwhelming sensation of her emotions. But even so, she pushes through her hesitations, through her fears, through everything, and she lets it all come rushing out as she her gaze falls back to the ground.

"There have been moments, where I would want everything to stop. Not because I wanted to give up or anything, but because the emotions I was feeling, the situation that we were in, the constant planning, or the never ending feeling of keeping our guard up because you never know what could happen. It all just... Overwhelms me so much, so much to the point where I just want to scream, or cry, or even throw a tantrum. It's so dumb, so childish...
"And yet, I can't help but to wish, that just for a moment, everything would stop. Everything would stop and I can finally get some peace, or time to think, or air to breathe—anything! But even then I, I don't want to die!" She shouts, and she can't help but to wonder what's going through Ray's mind, or if he flinched.
"I don't want to die..." She continues, "Because then, I'll feel like I failed everyone. I'll feel like I failed our family, and not only just our family, but you, Yuugo and Lucas, all of the other children in the plantations, and Phil—Oh God, Phil. I'll have failed him the most, because he's only counting and depending on the hope that we'll come back for him—if we come back for him!
"The only thing he has is the hope that we even escaped safely, and that we're living and fighting right now. Ray, we could die and he would never know about it until it's too late!"

There's a pause, and she hesitates for a second before she talks again.

"You know how you grew up knowing the truth about the House?"

She doesn't need to look up to know that her question makes Ray flinch just slightly before he nods, "Yeah." He replies, and as bad and cruel as Emma feels for asking him such a sensitive question, she pushes herself to continue.

"When you told us that, I thought to myself that I would never let another one of siblings feel like that, not if I have anything to say about it. And yet when you think about, I did the exact same thing to Phil."

It takes Ray a few seconds for her words to fully process through his head, and when they do his eyes widen and he's about to say something before she cuts him off.

"I think about things like this all the time. I think about how it makes me a hypocrite. Because even though I know that Phil is mature, and that he can take care of himself, I took away all of his innocence. I robbed him of his childhood. And for what?! My own needs, wants, or desires? So that we could go and escape into freedom while he stays there in a cage?! He's the only one there who knows the truth, even if he's surrounded by the other children, he's still going to feel alone in his heart, he's going to be in a constant state of pain. Pain that I brought to him so that we could escape! While we're laughing, he's suffering, while we have each other, he has no one.
"And yet, despite thinking about things like this, I still wish for everything to stop. For something to fail or mess up so that we can give up or something and decide to just live in peace with what we have."

"Isn't that horrible? It's so cruel of me to wish for that, even if just a flicker of a thought or hope. It's so selfish of me; I can't help but to think that it's such a pain. What's wrong with me? Why am I like this?" Her lip quivers and her voice cracks at the end. She buries her face in her knees, her shoulders shaking and her voice doesn't stop cracking.

"I hate being like this!"

She doesn't fight the tears that threaten to spill; she was tired of holding them back for so long and she wanted nothing more than to get them out of her system. She's not sure how long she spends crying into the sleeves of her shirt and she doesn't really care.

But then she feels something warm touch her cheek with such a tender touch—Ray, she felt Ray's hand gently cup her cheek like as if she was a piece of glass that would shatter at the slightest contact. And softly he tilted her head up to face him.

He had a small, serene smile on his lips, his eyes had a slight crinkle to them, and there were small tears in the corners of his eyes. (Was he crying?) But there was something in his gaze that made Emma forget how to breathe for a second.

He was looking at her like she was the most important thing in his life.

And she couldn't help but to hope that maybe, just maybe, she was.

"There's nothing wrong with being a pain, Emma. Personally, I believe I'm a pretty big one myself also." He chuckles quietly before focusing back on her.

"Everyone is, and can be weak, a mess, and a pain. But you know what, that's what makes us human; it's what makes life, life. We're not going to be perfect and flawless all the time, we're going to make mistakes and mess up a lot. But in the end, it will have all been worth it. You taught me that."

Emma feels something rise in her throat, and without a second thought she begins to protest.

"But this is—"

She's cut off when Ray starts to lean forward and suddenly she feels the hand that's resting on her cheek snake its way to the back of her head as his other hand wraps around her back. She hits the wall and it takes her a few seconds to realize that Ray is hugging her. His hug was a feeling that she had refused to admit to herself that she had missed for a while now.

"You haven't done anything wrong Emma." He starts, and Emma swears that she can hear his voice cracking just the slightest bit. "All you've ever done is put others before yourself, everything you've done was and had been for other people, but this once, just this once, put yourself first. Please. Just for this one moment, lean on me, share you worries with me. I want to carry your burdens and pains with you. I want to be there for you, but I can't if you don't let me. So... Please."

His voice sounded so desperate, like as if he had been trying to reach out to her for a long time. And maybe he had been. And his words make something heavy slowly dissipate inside of her. She takes in a deep breath but when she lets it out it comes out in a choked sob. But she can't help but to laugh just a bit.

"Ray..." She says, and the smile on her lips doesn't leave.

Her hands twitch, but this time she doesn't hesitate to slowly wrap them around his back. She closes her eyes and lets the tears roll down her cheeks without a second thought. And suddenly it felt like as if that crack deep inside of her was a lot less intense than before.

Yeah, as long as she had Ray, he would always be there to glue her back together. And she would do the same for him. And for the very first time she thinks, 'Maybe, I don't have to carry this pain alone...'

She wasn't done confessing or rambling about her emotions and how she felt. But right now she didn't want to ruin this moment for anything; so she silently promised to herself that she would finish later.

And this time, she had planned to keep her promise.

"Thank you..." She whispers, maybe it was the warmth from his body was so comforting; or maybe she was just tired from all the crying she did, either way, she couldn't help but to lean her head on his shoulder and doze off right then and there.