Staring in those dark intense eyes, framed by those thick straight lashes instantly made my heart accelerate like I've just ran a marathon.

 The stand lamps at the corners of the room illuminated the area cascading dense shadows across the floor. 

The dim yellow light danced along the right side of his face leaving the other side to be consumed by darkness. He inched forward allowing his elbows to rest on his thighs while his head rested on his intertwined fist.

"What do you want to know?" I asked trying to compose myself.

"Everything..." His vague answer made me frown with a pout which seemed to have amused him, making him chuckle. "I mean... the ... thing you were talking about in the kitchen."

"Well you heard didn't you? I'm sure you're a smart guy who can..." I stopped talking when he started to get up and make his way around the table towards the sofa I was lounging on. 

He passed me and sank back into the seat right next to me with one arm sprawled towards me on the back rest of the couch while his whole body was turned my way with on leg crossed on it while the other dangled down. 

I turned my whole body around towards him; sitting crossed legged, waiting for him to speak first.

"You can tell me yourself..." he stated while playing with my hair which I replied to with a pout. Chuckling he leant forward grabbing my chin in his large hand and slamming his lips down hungrily on to mine. "Every time you do that I'm gonna kiss you." He warned before pecking my lips one last time.

"I don't like you..." I frowned without a pout making him chuckle because he knew that was the exact opposite of what I was feeling.

"Yes you do..." His face was inches away from me, mingling our warm breath together while he kept playing with my hair.

"No I don't"

"Yes you do"

"How do you know?" I challenged him hoping I could continue this until someone gets back home so I wouldn't have to tell him anything right this instant.

However, he had other plans. He moved his whole body forward taking my face in both his hands and kissing me thoroughly. 

I rested my hands on the base of his neck while I moved forward kissing him back with all the passion I had reserved for a long time. 

There were no tongues involved or lack of clothes yet he managed to ignite my whole body on fire. 

His lips moved painfully slow against mine like he was trying to restrain himself from the passion that burned through him so that I wouldn't get burnt. 

My whole inside clenched together in nervousness and joy when he slowly pulled away from me panting and gasping for breath.

"That's how..." He breathed out twitching the corner of his lips upwards into a crooked smile. I couldn't help but roll my eyes while breaking out his hands to sink back into the couch with my knees up to my chest and feet up propped up on his lap.

"It's my past I don't see the point in bringing it into my present and future." I sighed realising I might just have to tell him about everything that happened that night and every other event which followed after that particular tragedy. 

However I found myself extremely calm about the fact that I'll be retreating back the scarring memories which I suppressed for longer than a year. He wrapped his arms around my legs resting his head on my knees while looking at me with great amount of intensity.

"Okay..." His dark glistening eyes lured me to cave in and tell him everything. "I never asked for a particular date when I got out of coma because I didn't want to exactly remember that night and also I don't remember much about that night. 

We all went to a party and by then me and Aden were already together for a long time..." My last words caused him to tense up visibly. "We all went to a party and I don't remember who's it was... and if you knew me back then... I was a lost cause... and any excuse to get drunk or high I was there..."

"Why did you feel the need to do that though?" He questioned.

"It was a good way to drown all our sorrows and at that point in time, we would have done anything to just feel numb." I explained.

"Just you? Or others as well?" He further inquired.

"We were all messed up in different ways, you know how I moved from foster home to foster and I just never had a friend that lasted longer than 1 year... and that was the most stable I was after a long time. 

"It was hard to cope and all of the 'wrong' things just seemed right and the same with Tanya... she had abusive parents where Aden's parents didn't even care about him and the others had similar problems like us...

"What do you get when you throw a bunch of messed up kids together? Chaos... we honestly never cared about other people because we were forced to believe that no one cared about us. So we always stuck together and although everything we did was wrong, it just left like we belonged somewhere for the time being."

"Understandable, I mean, no one wanted to mess with 'that' crowd." He commented with an encouraging smile dancing on his lips.

"So one night... in November... around this time..." I sighed loudly trying to calm the carnival going on in my heart. 

"So... the party we were at got raided and we had to escape as soon as possible and we were ALL drunk... Aden dragged me along with him and I took Tanya with me while 2 of other friends got into his car. I don't know how he managed to drive but we managed to get away. He and I had our seat belts on but the 3 of them at the back..." 

Stubborn tears started to spill out of my eyes without my consent, which I angrily wiped them away with the back of my palm. "We were so excited that we got away and high as hell... when Aden... crashed into a pole sending Roger, who sat in the middle, out through the window shield."

I could gladly thank whoever invented alcohol for the fact that I don't have the memory that night. Caleb squeezed my legs together reassuring me he's there for me and encouraging me to carry on.

"I don't remember what happened to Tanya and I don't remember anything apart from being furious with Aden... Then I woke up with the doctors telling me it was December already and I was in coma for a couple of weeks because I banged my head against the door frame somehow. 

Then I was worried about Aden for a while but that soon faded away with any feelings I felt towards him when I saw my best friend on life support and Cleo from head to toe paralysed while Roger was dead. I was so angry at him that he thought we could have gotten away like that when he was drunk of his head..." 

I sat up straight allowing the raging bull dormant inside of me to wake up and take over while adrenaline pumped through every inch of me. "I would rather we got arrested than being in that fucking position. 

I had to hold MY best friends hand while she took her last breath when she was being taken off from life support 'cause her fucking parents didn't think it was worthwhile spending their money on her..."

By now I was shouting my lungs out which startled Caleb for a nanosecond before gathering me gently in his arms while I cried my eyes out after a year of holding them in.

"Shh, I'm sorry I didn't know these... I'm so sorry I pushed you to it." He kept repeating that he was sorry but I honestly didn't blame him. After a while when I felt like I could breathe again, I decided that I had to finish what I started and end that chapter of my life for good.

"The last thing she said to me was 'It's all going to be okay... this will finally set me free' and then she was free... she died with a smile on her face and that's what I always wanted... freedom." I lifted my head from his chest to look in his shining eyes to find a very guilty and pained boy.

"I'm so sorry." He repeated again making me smile half-heartedly.

"It's okay... let me finish this and then I wanna go to sleep." I suggested.

"Shane said he's gonna drop Lacey off and bring you some clothes for only tomorrow, that's it." He informed me which I nodded to. Slightly sinking back into his arms I continued what I started.

"Aden was the only one who walked out of that hospital in 3 days... he tried to help Rogers mom out financially and emotionally but Roger was the only thing keeping her alive after her husband passed away and she soon found her freedom.

 But what angers me the most is that Aden had the nerve to do what he did to Tanya and Roger... he didn't deserve to find his freedom. He took his mom's sleeping pills with excess alcohol before I woke up from coma and I haven't visited his grave ever."

"It's really hard to live like that, knowing you were the reason behind why so many people died." Caleb startled me by defending him which caused me shoot out of his grip and face him with a cold expression.

"Why are you defending him?"

"I'm not-"

"I don't believe in heaven or hell but I believe what you do, you get it back and he had to suffer from all the lives he took... There was no reason for him to drag us into that car... even if we got arrested they would have stayed alive. I can never forgive him for what he did to us... He knew he was drunk..." I retorted back choking on my own cries.

"And he had no right to drive in that state which I understand but he's gone Kira..." He tried to sympathise him causing me to push him away from me.

"WHY are you taking his side...?" I shouted flailing my arms around.

"Because he took his own life after he realised what he had done... Kira it wasn't even like ONE incident" His eyes were soft and understanding and I hated the fact how his presence calmed me down as he inched forward taking my hands in his. 

"It was like the butterfly effect... one event was connected to the other one... Like what happened with Roger's mom... or to Tanya after that... or to you... everything happens for a reason and you know that... I also why understand you're really, really mad at him but you HAVE to let it go before the resentment consumes you."

"I thought I loved him you know... but if I did I would have forgiven him sooner... but I...I just can't." I stared down at my lap trying to explain myself.

"Maybe you still do... the reason why you're still angry at him because you never expected that from him." His voice was restrained and itching with pain making it harder for me to look up at his beautiful face.