After the concert, I went to him. He smiled at me, when he realized, that I was here. He tried to hug me, but I didn't let him. A hug would make this harder than it already is. Ok. To be honest, it couldn't be harder. But I have to do this. I can't be selfish right now. I have to do this for him. "We have to talk Ross", I said finally. Ok. Just do it. But when I looked in his eyes, I saw that he already knew what this talk is about. It was sadness in them. I looked away, grabbed his hand and led him in his dressing room. I closed the door, while he was watching every move, that I made. I looked into his brown eyes. after a while of silence, he started talking: "What wanted you to talk with me about. Is it what I think it is?". And there was it again. This sadness, that filled up his eyes. And when I saw this, I questioned myself the hundredth time now 'Why do his Producer want me to break up whith him?'. And like all the other times before my mind told me ' because you hold him back in his career, that's not fair. You have to let him go. Don't be this selfish. He deserves better' ...

'I have to do this now. Then it is over and i can drown in sadness and self-pity. I have to do this quick. I don't want him to be hurt so bad.' I took a heavy breath and started talking: "Ross, please just listen" He nodded. " Me and your Producer had a talk during your concert and he told me something.", I looked down to my feet. "He told me, that you don't want to got to New York because of me. Is this true?" I looked back in his face and I saw him nodding slowly again. I took a heavy breath again and continued: "I don't want you to.", now there's no back anymore. His eyes widened: "WHAT!?", he screamed out. I winced. "I thought that you'd like me to stay?", he said, lower than before. "Let me finish.", I started again. "Sorry", now he looked at his feet. I nearly giggled, because it was so cute, but then this talk would go a different way. And with different way I mean, to the couch. "I don't want you to go to New York, because I wouldn't miss you or to get rid of you. I want you to go, because this would be good for your career. You will get more famous than ever before and I would be selfish if I'd stop you from this.", I ended. "But then I want you to come with me", he said, when he looked at me again with his sad eyes. Shit. What now. I have to break up or he will always be held back by me. "I have my own career right here. You have to do this alone. And to be sure, that you really go, I do this. ", I grabbed the necklace, that he gave me for our 1 year anniversary. I ripped it off, took his hand and pulled it into. He looked at me with tears in his eyes and whispered:"Don't..." "I have to. Don't you understand. I hold you back. That's not fair. You deserve better...", I nearly screamed it out. He interruted me with screaming: "I deserve better?! Really. How could I ever find someone better than you. Please stay. I promise, I'll do everything. Just stay...", the last was just a whisper again. One tear was streaming down his cheek. I nearly pulled it away, but then I remembered, what I was just doing. I layed my hand on his cheek, let it wander to his hair, let her slid through it and placed her on the back on his head. Now there were also tears streaming down my face, making my sweater wet. I looked in his eyes, long, and deep, than I let my eyes wander over his face, try to memorize every detail. then I leaned in. "I'm sorry...", I whispered before I laid my lips on his to give him a soft kiss. And as always thousands of butterflies raged through my stomach, making me feel like I fly. But when the kiss stopped, there was this depressing feeling, made me want to scream and to destroy something. I let it flow through my body, it made me stronger. I don't know how but it really did. I let my mouth slid from his mouth to his ear and whispered: "I'm so sorry, I haver hurted you so bad. But this feeling will dissapear. I'm sorry for all the things that I have done wrong to you, but that's me. I destroy the people I love. And you deserve better." "please... don't", his voice was just a air- puff on my ear, but I could hear it clearly. I nearly started to cry again at the sound of his voice. I distanced myself a little from him. I walked back to the door, whipped my tears away. "We're over...", I said, turned around, so that he couldn't saw my tears. I heard him breaking down crying behind me and that finally broke my heart again. In thousands of pieces. I did this to him. I didn't want to hurt him but anyhow I did this. This depressing feeling was just filling my chest again, made me feel like I'm drowning. But this made me stronger. I will get him back. When he is back in three month I will get him back. I will...