The past

Narrator's pov

After Tania pushed Joshart she ran out. Joshart's expression was mad because of what Tania did. She was the only lucky woman who could push him.

The people inside the bar quickly averted their eyes and went back to what they were doing for fear that Joshart would turn his anger on them. While the two in the back followed their gaze to the woman who just ran out earlier.

Jeeward smiled as he stared at Tania who was running, he shook his head. 

Sayang chick pa naman. Sa isip niya.

Nevil had a strange look as he looked in the direction where Tania was running.

Can't figure out what he was thinking.

"Fuck that woman! Who the hell have the courage to push me!" Joshart shouted loudly and stepped towards the counter.

"That woman is brave! Don't you know her?" Jeeward.

He also sat down next to Joshart and drank the wine the bartender had given him.

The bartender knew very well the wines they usually drank because they were here often.

And bacause Joshart owns this bar.

"Those green eyes. I'm familiar. Where did I saw that." He said softly as he stared at the glass of wine as if he was talking to himself but Jeeward heard that.

"Hahaha!" Jeeward just laughed because he knew why Joshart didn't remember that woman completely.

Hanggang ngayon hindi nila binabanggit iyon kay Joshart. Nananatili silang tahimik.

"Where's Nevil?" The coldness in Joshart's voice was still obvious even though it was just a weak and gentle question.

Jeeward just shrugged.

"Maybe looking for chicks! Hahaha!" Jeeward is the person who doesn't like to take things seriously.

He always goes through it with laughter. In other words, he is the type of person who is funny but womanly.

While the two are very serious with their facial expressions.

"That woman is really crazy." Jeeward was shocked by what Joshart said.

Nagulat naman si Jeeward dahil sa sinabi ni Joshart. Hindi niya inakala na hindi parin pala siya nakamove on tungkol dun sa babae. Hindi naman siya dati ganito.

Jeeward drank again and stared at his friend who until now hadn't touched the drink and was still staring at his drink.

Jeeward frowned when he saw the movement of Joshart's straight mouth, as if grinning.

Hindi ngisi iyon! Alam ko ang kaibihan ng pag ngisi at pag ngiti! Shit! sa isip isip niya.  Kinilabutan si Jeeward ng makita ang konting pag ngiti ni Joshart.

Jeeward gently pushed Joshart's shoulder so that Joshart would somehow divert what he was thinking about that woman.

Jeeward succeeded because the former cold expression on his face returned.

"Nevil? Wala pa?"

"Don't know. He's gone. Not coming back yet"

They didn't know Nevil followed Tania outside.

Tania's POV 

I just took a taxi and quickly boarded.

"Tania!" Nevil shouted.

How did he know my name!?

"Saan po tayo, ma'am?" The taxi driver asked so I told him the address where I was staying.

I couldn't find Amie before so I had no choice but to take a taxi because I don't want to be with those people in the same place anymore. I feel cramped and I can’t breathe when they’re there.

It's still far from my apartment so I couldn't stop myself from looking back.

Alas sais na nang maalala ko ang curfew na binigay sakin ni tatay. Kaya dali dali kong inayos ang mga gamit ko at isiniksik na lang ang mga ito sa backpack ko.

May inayos kasi at nagconcentrate sa 3D drawing na pinaproject ni ma'am pero okay lang natapos ko naman. Iniwan ko na lang ito sa table ko at dali daling lumabas sa classroom. Pag labas ko ng gate ay meron paring mangilan ngilan na studyante.

"Oh ngayon ka lang na late umuwi big eyes!"

"Hahaha"

They are the men who always annoy me.

Hindi naman sila umabot sa punto na pagtitripan ako at bubuhusan ng kung ano ano. Sadyang inaasar lang nila ako at tinatawag na big eyes dahil sa eye glass na lagi kong suot suot. Dahil sa berde kong mata ay nagsusuot ako ng makapal na eye glass. Ayokong mapagtripan nila ako dahil sa kakaibang kulay na mata ko.

I no longer had to wait for a car so I chose to just walk. It's still a bit far from home.

Ang sarap ng hangin talaga dito sa probinsya! Ninanamnam ko ang hangin habang naglalakad sa daan na medyo madilim na. Pag ganitong oras na dito ay wala kanang makikitang pagala gala. Pero kahit ganon meron paring iba na lasenggero na nagpapasikatan sa daan.

They didn't notice me so I went straight to walk.

Malapit na ako sa may puno. Ang daan kasi ay medyo makipot at may mga puno pa sa gilid. Ang punong ito naman ay ang pinakalaki sa lahat. Madilim na din nang may narinig ako na parang sumusuka.

  "Joshart ano bang nakain mo! Hindi ka naman dati ganyan! Malakas ang tolerance mo sa alak!"

I heard people talking. I ignored that too because I was used to this situation.

Kahit makita pa ako ng mga lasenggero diyan ay wala naman silang ginagawang masama sakin. Siguro ay kilala na nila ako o dikayay wala silang interest sa itsura ko.

I also noticed that it was getting dark so I walked faster when suddenly someone grabbed my hand which I think came from behind the tree.

"A-ano pong kailangan niyo?" Nanginginig sa tanong ko sa lalaking ito.

Nakakatakot ang tingin niya sakin. Mas lalong lumamig ang paligid dahil sa presensya niya. Mukang dayo sila dito sa probinsya dahil ngayon ko lang nakita ang mga mukha nila.

The one with him with red hair was just watching what this man could do to me. I felt pain in my back as he violently leaned me against the tree.

I struggled to get out of his grip but the bones in my hand were almost broken by the tightness of his grip.

My tears came out because I already knew what he was going to do next. His face dropped to my neck and he violently kissed me there.

I tried to ask for help from his companion who was sitting in front of the hood of their car and just watching us but he just smiled.

After this animal man was fed up with my neck he kissed me rough on the lips. I even dropped my eye glass because of what he did!

Nahulog nadin ang eye glass ko dahil sa ginawa niya! Hindi ako pumikit dahil sa oras na pumikit ako ay mas lalong siyang gaganahan sa ginagawa niya! Wala na ding tigil ang pag-agos ng aking mga luha.

I also lost strength because I had been struggling before so I just let him do what he was doing. But it was as if I was being raped to death because my whole body was numb.

This man felt that so he also woke up while still kissing me and staring into my eyes. Again he lifted me up and dropped my fifteen -year -old body into the backseat of the car! It was there that I was alarmed when he quickly opened his pants!

"N-no! Please don't! Parang awa niyo na!" Nabuhayan ang katawan ko at sinubukang bungon ngunit pumatong sa siya agad sa akin.

I also saw that guy with him was alarmed and tried to stop him but he could not do anything. There he tore my blouse and exposed to him two not -so -big futures of mine.

Para syang taong hayok na hayok na pinagsawaan ang aking dibdib.

"Tama na! Tulong! Parang awa niyo na tulungan niyo ako!"

I looked at his companion for help but he just averted his eyes.

Pagkatapos pagsawaan ang aking dibdib ay ibinaba na niya ang suot kong panloob dahil naka skirt lang ako. At doon gumuho ang buhay ko. Nawala ang siyang pinakaka ingat-ingatan ko. Sarap na sarap ang taong nakaibabaw sakin habang ako ay parang lantang gulay na.

It was too late when I saw the arrival of a man holding a water bottle.

"This is all I got. It's hard to find water here so I bought it ---" he released the water he was holding when he turned to look at us.

He was stunned as the guy who raped me was already putting on his pants and fixing his messy hair.

"What the fuck!" The newcomer shouted that I think they are also accomplices!

"Mga hayop!" Tiningnan lang ako ng blankong mukha yung lalaking nanghayop sa akin.

"Let's go." Mabilis na sumakay sa driver seat yung may pulang buhok na nanood lang sakin kanina. Tangina nila! Sumakay na din sa back seat yung lalaking hayop at yung isa ay kanina pa ako tinititigan dahil kanina pa walang tigil ako sa pag-iyak.

I bent down and leaned against a tree when a person who had just arrived suddenly threw a jacket at me.

Nakayuko ako at nakasandal sa may puno ng biglang naghagis sa akin ng jacket yung kaninang kararating lang. Ayoko na sanang tanggapin ngunit kailangan ko ito para takpan ang napunit na blouse ko.

Hindi ko na alam kung paano ako uuwi. Masakit na ang buo kong katawan ngunit alam ko namang mas lalong sasakit pa sa mga bugbog ni tatay dahil na late na ako sa pag uwi.

"Ma'am, nandito na po tayo." I was distracted by the voice of the taxi driver dahil napalalim na ang pagbabaliktanaw ko sa nakaraan.

The past that makes me want to end my life because it doesn't matter anymore.

But my desire to live still prevailed.

Sayang yung mga araw na ipinaglaban ko ang aking buhay mula sa mga karahasan para lang mabuhay sa mundong ito at makamit ang mga pangarap ko.

"Manong eto po."

"Salamat iha"

I entered my apartment and went straight to bed without changing my clothes. And now I felt all tired.

I slept soundly.

"I'm sorry miss, we're not hiring right now. Sa iba ka na lang mag apply."

Kahit saan wala na talaga akong mahanap na pwedeng hiring. Nagsara na kasi yung restaurant na pinagtatrabahuan ko sa gabi kaya eto, siguradong mababakante ang oras ko sa gabi. Sayang pa naman ang pwedeng kitain sa oras na iyon. Hindi pa sapat ang shop na pinagtatrabahuan ko sa umaga. Mahirap mabuhay mag-isa. Lahat na lang may bayarin.

"miss wala talaga. Kinakausap ko pa manager namin ngunit ang sabi hindi na daw pwede. Halos hindi pa nga magkasya ang pinapasweldo sa amin dahil konti lang ang customers." Saad ng kinausap kong waiter na kabatch ko noong highschool.

It's noon but I still can't find anything na pwede kong maging racket sa gabi.

Napabayaan ko pa ang trabaho ko kaninang umaga dahil sa paghahanap ko ng racket.

Tirik na tirik na ang araw kaya sumilong muna at nagpahinga ako sa may waiting shed at tinitigan ang mga papel na hawak ko para mag-apply ng trabaho. Kahit sana part time job lang.

Hindi naman kasi ako qualified sa pang permanent na trabaho. Ano na gagawin ko mamayang gabi? Tutunganga lang?? Saan ako kukuha ng pambili ng pagkain ko. Absent ako kanina sa pinagtatrabahuan kong shop kaya sigurado akong wala akong matatanggap na sweldo ngayon.

Kaya ko pa ba? Ano pang silbi ng mga paghihirap kong ito kung wala din namang mangyayari? Ganito na lang umiikot ang buhay ko hanggang sa mamatay ako.

Naghihirap hanggang sa malagutan ng hininga. Kailan ko ba mararanasan ang mabuhay ng payapa? Isabay mo pa na nasa iisang lugar lang kami ng mga taong siyang sinisisi ko kung bakit nasira ang buhay ko.