Hey, no one.

I have a problem.

I'm a review request-aholic. I legit can stop requesting reviews and it's getting kinda weird.

So, if you're like me you'll probably get some hardships of having someone review your story on wattpad.

Let's jump in.

(Hopefully, I don't lose any friends.)

First, the reviewers.

It's always super awkward when you go to the help desk homepage and realize that you recognize most of the reviewers. If you're like me, a socially awkward potato, this leaves your options slim because you don't want to bother the people you've already had review your story.

Next,

Types of Reviews

1. The "Wow you're Amazing" Reviewer

This reviewer says you're the greatest. Your story is groundbreaking, amazing, the best thing they have ever read. They can't understand why you're not published yet because you're that amazing.

Yeah, no. These reviewers are great when you get into an existential writer's crisis. However, in the long run, these reviewers suck. They don't give you anything but praise and make you feel like you're doing great when you're really not.

They are most likely very young writers (12 or 13 or even younger) just trying to make friends. TBH I don't mind young readers. I would just rather have a more experienced writer review me than someone just starting up like me. Plus, as an adult in the eyes of the law, it feels weird to have a preteen judge my work unless they are a super genius that's attending Harvard.

Next up is the complete opposite of this.

2. The 'Nothing but Tough Love' Reviewer

This reviewer is tough. Like, super tough. Literally, nothing pleases them.

Did you make an obvious typo where you wrote a word incorrectly? They can't understand what you're saying.

Your characters suck. Your story sucks. Your grammar sucks. They point out things people have praised in the past and call those people idiots because they didn't realize how bad it actually was.

Okay, so, this one sucks too. I once had a reviewer completely tear apart my story to the point where I was torn apart too. I had to take a break the review and seriously felt like my story sucked, I was a terrible writer, I sucked. It was bad.

Don't get me wrong. Harsh reviews are great. If you want to get better, you have to accept harsh criticism. As a high school athlete, I've literally cried through training/conditioning because my coaches were so harsh.

I've had several harsh reviews that have actually helped me become a more organized writer, but there's a fine line. You can't just tear someone down with no concern for their emotions. People have feelings and they can get hurt. If you're a reviewer like this, start with a compliment and end with the bad stuff.

Like, this is wattpad. No one here is a professional writer. We're all amateur writers sharing our ideas with one another. I've seen review books on wattpad where people tell the writer to stop writing. Reviews should never make a person reconsider if they should stop doing what they love. Wattpad is here for people to share the stories that our heart and souls have been dying to share with people. So, if you're gonna be harsh, soften the blow a little bit.

3. The "Angel" Review

After the harsh reviewer tears you down, this person is here to pick you back up. They tell you the good, the bad, and even your potential. If your story is absolute trash, they will tell you have potential to become great, but you need to work hard. (Crying as I think about how sweet they are.)

These people even keep reading your story after they made your review and read your new updates. They didn't really like it, but they want to know what happens next. They are there with you every step of the way and they walk you through the process.

The angel is also usually an experienced writer. Rather than just pointing out issues like the harsh reviewer, they offer solutions.

This is obviously my favorite kind of reviewer. Lol.

Next up...

4. The "Submarine" Reviewer

Okay, so, before I start, let me explain. I'm sure most of you have heard of ghosting, when someone you're talking to falls off the face of the Earth? Well, submarining is like that, except it's for when they suddenly reappear months later. This reviewer is like this.

You send in the request and they accept it, if there' s a payment you complete it. Then, you notice you're next on the queue or they tell you they're starting on your review right now.

Now, it's been a couple weeks. You can understand what it's like to be busy. They haven't posted anything yet, but you're also a stalker so you notice they're really liking some story on the vampire hotlist or something like that.

Now, it's been almost two months. You only requested two really short chapters to be reviewed and the payment has been made. You assumed you got scammed, cut your loses, and move on with your life.

It's a year later and you get a message from some random user that you labeled as a scammer with a full review.

Okay, so, this one doesn't suck as much. I mean obviously, it is frustrating to be waiting for a review for a long time, but also it's fascinating to see their commitment. This reviewer gave you a full review months later when even you forgot it. I love that.

However, it kinda sucks when the review is like two sentences long or something absurdly short. It makes it clear that the reviewer did it more because they felt obligated than anything else.

Next...

5. The "Ghost" Reviewer

This reviewer very similar to the submarine except they never come back. Maybe they forgot or maybe you just got scammed into giving them follows and reads. Either way, you've got no review.

It's always weird seeing the ghost posting on new critique classified boards. Like, you're not sure if they're just a scammer. If they are, should you warn people? Should you report them? I mean, I'm not a snitch, but someone should say something, right?

These are usually the type of reviewers that act like your rushing them when it's like 2 months later and you ask them if they have started your review yet. Like, no old sport, I'm not rushing you. It's been 2 months and I legit gave a full detailed review of your story within a week of my posting. Can you at least acknowledge the fact that we made a deal, and you haven't followed out on your end?

(subsection reviewer) The "I don't have to review your story" reviewer

Yeah, you don't have to review my story, but I didn't review yours out of the kindness of my heart. If my payment was reads, something I literally can't take back if you don't follow through on your end. You need to give me my review IMO.

6. The Unequal Exchange

I've never actually worked with them, but they're all over the discussion board.

Reviewer: For every 1 chapter of your book I read, you'll give me a follow and read 5 chapters of my book. For 2 chapters, read two of my completed books plus the 5 chapters from my other book as well. XOXO

It's insane. Basically, you're telling me you want me to review your entire 40,000+ word book and you only read my 1,200-word chapter. You are overcharging, and some people don't even give detailed critical reviews after the payment is due. What I'm paying for, is not worth what you're giving me.

Welp that's it. I'm out of school. So, back to hibernating until the fall. Peace out homies.