Well I'm in a bit of a shitty mood right now so I'm just gonna vent it out...

My school's homecoming was last week and I really wanted to do something, but I don't really have a large friend group that I can make these sort of plans with. So I found out that one of my closest friends, who I'll just call L, was going out to dinner with this group of girls, and because I know most of the girls in that group, I asked L if I could join them. (This was, like, two days before homecoming, so kind of last minute. My fault, I'll admit.) Out of maybe seven or eight girls only a couple responded that they were fine with me joining while the others never replied, so L told me to ask another girl, M, who was organizing the whole thing.

So I asked M, and she was super nice about it all, but she told me that I couldn't come. She said she had already made reservations at some fancy place for a specific number of people, so unless someone in the group dropped out last minute, there was no room for me. Which is understandable and nothing personal.

I did nothing for homecoming because I didn't know who else to ask. Then, at school on Monday, L told me that when they all met at M's house to take pictures, and when everyone was there except this other girl, A, M asked them if they all knew that I wanted to come with them. They all said they did and that they would have been fine with it. (It would have been nice if they had said this earlier, but whatever.)

And M told them that the reason she said no to me was not because she made a reservation, because--guess what?--there apparently was no fucking reservation in the first place. No, she said no because A had specifically told her (privately, not on their group chat) to say no to me if I asked her, even though literally everyone else in the group (including M) was totally fine with me coming.

According to L there was a little bit of drama after that when M got scolded by her mom, who was listening to the conversation and said that M should have ignored what A said and just said yes to me. But the thing is, M is a really, really nice person and is in fact the one who invited me to join her group last year for homecoming, so she usually would have done just that. The only reason why she would have said no is if A was so incredibly insistent that I shouldn't come that she would have to value A's input more than the half a dozen other girls in the group. 

But the thing is, I talk to A a lot, and I never got the sense that she didn't like me, so I was just generally confused and pissed and pretty upset, and I think L could tell. So today, on the bus, L told me that she found a subtle way to bring up that topic when she was talking to A. (Because no one in the group was supposed to tell A that M told them about the situation.) 

Apparently, A "doesn't hate" me at all (*cough* that seems questionable), and it's just that we "don't talk that much" and "don't know each other that well." Which is kind of true, but that's no reason to flat out say no to me??? Besides, it's not like A has a problem contacting me when she wants something from me (like, I don't know, help on math homework, because I generally get much higher scores than she does. Which she would know because we were in the same math class last year.) It's not like we're complete strangers or anything. 

So when L brought that up, A apparently said that I'm just "a little stuck up sometimes" and that I "complain too much" or whatever. I know she didn't tell L everything, because she knows L and I are good friends and that L might get defensive on my behalf, but what she did say is enough to get me super pissed.

Lemme explain something here. A is, in short, a bit of a bitch. In seventh grade, she basically stole one of someone else's favorite sweaters (I think she took it from the lost and found or something?) and then came to school wearing it the very next day, right in front of the girl it belonged to. Then she lied straight to that girl's face and claimed she bought the exact same sweater herself. Then, later that year, she was going through one of my friend's notebooks--one that happened to have my friend's locker combination--and when she found the combination she wrote it down on a sticky note (in what she thought was a discrete way) and then kept it. I still don't know if she took anything from my friend's locker or not but my friend was super panicked about it for weeks, and that was not cool. 

So, aside from those specific things, A also whines and complains about the smallest and most irrelevant things, she always purposely excludes people from conversations, she's rude, she talks about people behind their backs, she doesn't care about you unless she can get something from you, etc. I've really never liked her. I'm not saying that I'm perfect and that she should love me or anything, but the point is that she is nowhere near fucking perfect either and despite all of the things I dislike about her, I never would have thought to exclude her from something she really wanted to do the same way she excluded me.

Besides, you know what? I can handle it if she points out some flaw in my personality that I actually have, but it fucking pisses me off so much that she basically called me whiny and arrogant when I know I'm neither of those things. If she'd said that I talk too much, that I'm too loud, or that I'm too lazy, I wouldn't be as upset because I fucking know it's all true and I'm trying to work on it.

But when she calls me fucking "stuck up," that's just her being jealous of the fact that I would get high A's on math tests that she would get C's on, even though I would purposely try to hide my scores from her so she didn't feel bad. That's her listening to me tell a friend that I lost two points on the math test because of a careless error and that's why I only got a 98, even though the conversation wasn't fucking meant for her ears anyway. (Why does she think I'm only telling the one person I know who got a 99?) That's her listening to me calling myself lazy and kind of stupid because I didn't bother to do the homework or the test review for the entirety of what's supposed to be the hardest unit of the year, and hearing it as me bragging about my ability to score high without studying, even that was nowhere fucking near what I was getting at. 

She claims I complain too much, but my "complaints" are always something along the lines of I should have focused more and worked harder because if I had, I could have done much better. I'm not living up to what I know is my potential. That's not fucking "complaining" in the sense that she was talking about. Besides, I only ever say these things to people who get similar scores as me, not to people who perform much worse. I know a girl who got a 92 on a test who told some boy who got a 45 that she did terrible and that she was mad at herself, knowing that the boy did much worse. That's called being arrogant.

Me being "stuck up" and "complaining" is basically all A being a nosy bitch and eavesdropping on conversations she isn't meant to hear and peering over my shoulder at my test scores and interpreting everything I say however the fuck she wants to so that I'm the bitch in her eyes.

Ugh that was way longer than I wanted it to be... I don't know why I'm getting so worked up over this but I'm just so. Fucking. Pissed. I really wanted to go out and have fun for homecoming for one night, and I easily could have, but because of her and her goddamn idiotic reasoning for why I shouldn't have come, I didn't get to. The only homecoming memories I have for sophomore year now are officially memories of being excluded and I'm just feeling really shitty now.