*
I don't even remember if I fell asleep at all last night but from the dark circle under my eyes, I'm going to say I didn't get much if any.

God I look awful this morning. My hair is knotted from me pulling at it, my mascara is everywhere, my cheeks are still blotchy and my eyes are puffy from all my crying last night. It's only 6:00am so I decide to take a shower which will hopefully make me look less horrid. (Why is the writing suddenly better. Still bad but better)

When I get out I look like a new person, or at least like a person who didn't have a mental breakdown yesterday. I curl my hair again and pull some strands by my face back and keep them in place with a bobby pin. I decide to wear little makeup today, I just conceal my still present under eye circles, put on mascara, and quickly swipe clear lip gloss across my lips.

I look through my closet and decide to wear my favorite short black dress since it is really warm out. It has buttons going all the way down to the end and has a lace backing that forms into black flowers, (outfit attached!) (NOOOOOOOOOOOOO) I slip on my favorite mint green vans and I am ready to go.

I walk down stairs and my mom and Luke are already down there eating breakfast. I silently put two pieces of bread into the toaster and awkwardly tap on the counter waiting for the bread to finish toasting.

"you know," my mom speaks up, "We are going to have to talk about last night."

fuck

I was hoping she wouldn't bring it up.
My mom and Luke were sitting on the couch watching a movie when I ran into the house crying. I was going to try to sneak up to my room with out anyone seeing me, but since you can see the front door from the living room, that didn't work out very well.

"Oh my god Tatum! What happened?" My mom got up from the couch
immediately and ran over to me. (Thx for the flashback warning mare)

"Damn it mom! (DAMN Wtf) nothing I don't want to talk about it!"

"Tatum you can't just shut everyone out like this!" (The title was Shut Out and I said it in the book!!!! How clever!!!!)

"I can if I fucking want to, I'm going to bed."
**
"Tatum, I said we have to ta-"

"God, I heard what you said mom. I obviously don't want to talk so why do you care?" (Literally my mom would have punted me out of the house if I said this)

"why do I care? My daughter ran into the house hysterically crying!" Tears are starting to form in my moms eyes as she yells. "You won't talk to anyone about what happened, you can't go through life keeping everything inside and then one day erupting!" (YOURE MAKING YOUR POOR MAMA CRY SORRY MAMA)
"what do you want me to about it then, mom."

"talk to someone, a therapist, your friends, just someone you trust"
she has to be joking right now.

"do you not remember what happened last time I trusted someone mom?!?"

"not everyone is out to get you Tatum."

"You don't know that." I say as I walk out of the house, not bothering to wait for my toast. (I understand you're emotional rn but why you gotta leave the toast.) I lost my appetite anyway.

Kylah is waiting for me at the end of my driveway when I walk out. I open the passenger door and hop in preparing my self for a million questions from her.

"I figured since you live across the street, we could just carpool to school everyday. Is that ok?" (Hold up. So they didn't plan for her to drive her everyday but Tatum just fucking hopped in her car anyway.)

"Um, yeah that would be great thanks." The car is way to small for this much tension, I feel like i'm suffocating.

"Look," shes says breaking the awkward silence, "I am obviously confused on why you ran out of my room crying, but I don't want to push you to talk about why you did."

It feels like a fucking (again with the fucking) mountain was lifted off my shoulders and I sigh with relief.

"Thank fucking god, you're actually amazing Kylah."

"Yeah I know," she says smirking "you should really get your allergies checked out though, they seem really bad."

"Ha-ha you're hilarious," I say sarcastically, "you should probably start driving ky, we are going to be late."

I see her smile at my new nick name for her as she steps on the gas pedal and drives us to school.
**
I get to my English class and walk to my seat next to Niall as he smiles at me.

"Hey America! What's good?"

right now? nothing. (HAHA THE DRAMA)

"Eh everything is normal, you?"

"Great actually!" he says excitedly, "it's actually my birthday tomorrow so I am having a party at my house, and you just so happen to be invited." (They just met yesterday but ok)

"Oh fun, what time should I be there?"

"Be there at eight, it's not fancy or anything."

The bell rings as our conversation ends and Mrs. Bell walks in. (Ha ha. The bell rang. For mrs BELLS class. Ha ha)

"I know some of you might think that we aren't going to be starting anything yet since it is the second day, but you are sadly mistaken."

A few moans are heard through the room (ok me) and Mrs. Bell laughs, "Yeah, I know guys. I can't belive I am making you do work in school, how evil of me." She smiles "Now everyone get off your lazy butts and get a copy of The Kite Runner (omg I'm reading that book rn!!! 10/10 would recommend) from the front and start reading, I expect you guys to be up to chapter 3 by tomorrow"

I grab a copy then walk back to my desk to begin reading. The book is mostly unintersting to me (what no, it's actually really good wtf Titty) but there is one quote that stands out to me.

"There is a way to be good again" (THATS WHY THIS QUOTE SOUNDED FAMILIAR WHEN I READ IT)

I don't know why this simple quote gives me hope but it does. I rip a piece of paper from my notebook and decide to write it down and put it into my pocket so i can add it to quote collection when i get home. (Why is this so odd)

Yeah I know It might sound weird (yeah), but I like to keep a jar with my favorite quotes from books. Whenever I'm in a pissy mood I pull out one of the quotes and read it, it is silly but it makes me so happy to read them.

The bell rings to leave and I have been day dreaming for most of it so I have only gotten to chapter 2. (The first chapter is literally 1 page)I guess i'll just have to read the rest at home.(idk why I had them read a book I didn't know jack shit about at the time)
**
I meet Ky at her locker and we walk to Calculus together. When we walk in our teacher Mr.Turner (*mr Crocker voice* faIry GoDPARents) is asleep at his desk, which is not surprising. Mr.Turner looks like he about 80 years old, he has these old circle glasses and wears suspenders. You would think that the poor guy would have retired already, but alas. (This last sentence is me AF)

When the bell rings he jumps out of his deep sleep and gets up.
"oh sorry class." he says grogily "I created a power point presentation and posted it on my teacher page so grab a laptop from the back and go through it today. I will help you guys out with whatever you don't understand tomorrow. Also, there are not enough laptops for everyone so I am going to pair you guys up"

He starts going through the list calling out pairs and when gets to my name he says, "Tatum Knight and Liam Payne." I don't know who Liam is but I guess I will find out in a couple seconds."

When he finishes reading off the pairs we all separate to find our partners. I look around awkwardly trying to find whoever Liam is.

A boy wearing a polo shirt and kakis with brown hair gelled in the front walks up to me, "Are you Tatum?"

"Yeah, are you Liam?" (No shit)

"Yup, nice to meet you, i'll go get a laptop."

When he gets back we go through the boring powerpoint pretty quickly. I wasn't really paying attention but I think it had to with something called the chain rule, or some shit like that.

"So you're America?"

"What?" I ask confused
"
I'm friends with Niall." He explains smiling

"Oh, yeah he calls me that." I say laughing, " Are you going to his party tomorrow?"

"Yeah, basically every senior is going to be there. It's going to be awesome, Niall always throws the best parties and he goes all out on his birthday."(when I thought that high school parties were actually like this lmao)

PThe class ends and it is time for the class I have been dreading all day, psychology. Kylah is trying to talk to me but I can't really focus on what she is saying, I'm just trying to figure out how I am going to get through this period without talking to Harry.

"So is that a yes or..." Kylah says to me

"Sorry what did you say?"

"I asked if you wanted to go to the diner later tonight, around 6?"

"Yea sure...wait I thought you were going out with Ashton tonight?"

"Yeah I was but he said his one of his friends who graduated last year is coming home from college to visit, so I said we could go out tomorrow."

"Oh then yeah sure that will be fun."

We get to my class and Kylah says goodbye. as I walk into class my class ("into class my class") and my eyes immediately meet his.
His expression is unreadable and I see him tap his foot nervously under the desk. I feel my cheeks heat up and curse my parents for giving me pale ass skin so my blush is extremely noticeable.

I'm just happy that our seats are on the complete opposite sides of the classroom.

The class starts and my teacher Mr.Sawyer starts teaching us about classical conditioning which is actually pretty interesting so it's not that hard to distract my self from the jade stare I feel burning through the back of my head.

The lesson ends all too fast and Mr.Sawyer gives the rest we get the rest of class to ourselves which is about 10 minutes.

I open The Kite Runner and start reading praying that Harry won't walk over to my desk.

I read for about 3 minutes before I see him get up and start walking over.
fan-fucking-tastic

he stands to the right of my desk and combs his fingers through his hair nervously before speaking,

"hey..." he says. wow this couldn't be more awkward.
"So about last night I-"

"Please stop," I interupt him. "I really aprecciate you driving me home but that doesn't mean you have to be my therapist now or some shit. I think it would be for the best if we both just forget about last night, it wasn't a big deal anyway." (Rude !!!)

"It seemed like a pretty big deal Tatum. You were literally flipping a shit." (HAHA TRU) He says harsher than I expected

I was about to reaspond when a guy with dark hair and a beanie on his head, who I guess is his friend comes up to us.

"So this is the girl you're fucking." He says with a smirk on his face

Harry's face pales and he turns to him,
"Fuck off Calum" (look at 13 yr old me, trying to jam in every member of 5sos and 1d)

"Why? I just wanted to meet the girl my friend gets it on with, is that such a sin?" (I got his character down pretty well tbh)

I didn't even realize how hard I was clenching my hands until I let go to grab my bag. I sling it around my shoulder, grab my book and get up from desk.

"you're fucking disgusting" I spit at Harry before I head out of classroom. The bell didn't ring yet but i don't give a shit, (bad ass!!!!) I put my books in my locker and head to the parking lot. I find Kylah's car and lean back against the hood of car and close my eyes waiting for school to end.

I hear footsteps coming towards Kylah's and I expect it to be her but when I open my eyes I see Zayn walking towards me. (Cliff hanger!!!)
-

Is it bad that I'm kinda getting in to my old shitty story whoops. The writing is so bad and cliche but it's kind of entertaining whatever

yo kite runner such a good book tho I'm obsessed with it. My teacher had us listen to the saddest 2 chapters in class for some fucking reason and I literally started crying in class everyone looked at me like I was psychotic :) ! I'm literally the only person in my class reading it which frustrates me bc its so good and they'll never knoW

Also today my junior prom date came into school today with a meninist shirt on I literally have never felt so disgusted. THIS IS THE BOY I LET PUT A CORSAGE ON MY WRIST TF. 

if he asks me to prom again this year im literally gonna be like go ask ur fucking meninist shirt to prom goodbye