I recently wrote this letter to my camp when I was having kind of a down day. I never was able to make a camp experience chapter bc I couldn't even decide what I wanted to put in it bc there's so much to talk about, but I think this pretty much sums up my experience. I wasn't intending on anyone reading it so it's not perfect grammar wise or writing wise, but it's v personal so don't comment on mistakes or ill be v v annoyed

Dear camp,

Thank you.

You'd be surprised how long it took for me to figure out how to start this letter, only to begin it with those 2 simple words, that over-used phrased. It almost seems to not mean much when you think about it. We say "thank you" all the time it almost seems to have lost some meaning. You say it when someone opens the door for you, when you drop a pen on the floor and someone is kind enough to take the time to pick up for you, when a waiter refills your water. It almost seems unfitting to use that same phrase to express my gratefulness to something that I consider truly changed my life and molded me into who I am. How can you compare the meaning of that to when a stranger holds a door for you? But despite the simpleness and almost nonchalant feel to that phrase, when I think of what you did for me, all I want to do is say those 2 word over and over until my throat runs dry.

Thank you for accepting me for who I am.

In a time where I felt so alone, so unwanted, I wasn't prepared to walk into a cabin and greeted by fresh smiling faces who genuinely wanted to get to know me. Greeted by people who became my family after only knowing them for a mere week, people who to this day made more impact on me that people I've walked through the halls of school with my entire life. Thank you for introducing me to people who include me plans, never make me feel inadequate, wouldn't dare ask me to change, and love me for my quirks. I am grateful for the moment I realized there's hope when you go outside the bubble of your town. You brought out a part of me I didn't even realize existed. A part of me that could be myself and live life in the moment, a part of me I never want to lose.

Thank you for making me feel smart and able.

For giving me the moment when I got my CIT evaluation and was the top of entire CIT group, proving that I'm good at something and have potential. Proving that when I put my mind to something, I can accomplish it even when that thing seems impossible and out of reach. Without you, I wouldn't have gone from a 2.3 GPA to a 4.0. Those two things may seem to be unrelated, but you'd be surprised how much of being able to succeed starts when you accept the fact that you're smart, and you stop living a life where you're trying to prove that you're smart, but get stuck behind people that do everything in their power to make you feel like you aren't intelligent or good enough.

Thank you for making me feel beautiful.

To the black-haired girl with the piercing blue eyes who told me I have a smile that's contagious and lights up a room, thank you for making me stop smiling with my mouth closed. I don't remember your name and I'm sure you don't remember mine, but that's the beauty of it isn't it? Thank you to the counselor who took her time to tell me about the beauty she sees not only on the outside but the inside. Thank you for making me feel like I am worth it, even if the feeling only comes for short periods of time. To the boy who wouldn't go a day without telling me he thought I looked beautiful and only ever seemed to notice the good things about my face and body, never the bad...Thank you for making feel like any boy who doesn't give me the time of day isn't worth my effort, and I'm sorry that I was never able to reciprocate the feelings that I wanted to so badly. To the group of girls I talk to daily who let me know every day that I am beautiful, whether it's a simple comment on an Instagram post or a small comment about my hair, you've done more than me than I'll probably ever be able to express to you. Lastly, thank you camp for giving me an environment where for the first time I felt comfortable enough to never wear a shirt over my bathing suit.

Thank you for giving me a home.

People always asked me how I never got homesick and I finally figured it out. Why would someone feel homesick when they're at home? Thank you for getting me through the 9 months between the summer, knowing that in the end I got to see my family and work at a place I am grateful to call my home. I can't imagine my summer without waking up to the smell of the woods that surround us, walking past the lake that sometimes stands so still it reflects the beautiful morning sky, watching the sun set over the pine trees, and inhaling the smell of the campfires as I watch my campers bond over s'mores and funny stories. I can't even imagine being away from the pesky mosquitoes that bite at my legs, the harmless snapping turtles that scare the campers, and the bears that always need to make an appears at some point during the summer.

Thank you for giving me the chance to be a mentor

For the girls in cabin 13 who called me "mom", and gave me a chance to get to know the beautiful souls you have. For making the 2 weeks I dreaded, weeks where I would be the counselor to girls only 2-3 years younger than me, some of the most rewarding weeks of my life. Thank you, for giving me the chance to give you affect my counselors gave to me, for giving me the chance to let you know that you're worth it just like I am. Our teary goodbyes show how much we care and I know that this summer the goodbye will be just as emotional. For my girl with the voice of an angel, thank you for showing me that despite the happy facade someone puts on, you can never tell how much they're hurting. You showed me that the night we skipped EP and sat in the dining hall as you cried sipping the hot chocolate I tried to make from leftover s'more chocolate, and I'll never forget it. And especially to my brave camper who came in with wrists scarred so badly you'd gasp if you saw them, thank you for confiding in me. For allowing me to comfort you every night before lights out, when you felt most vulnerable and felt your razor calling to you with it's cold sharp blade disguised as comfort and release.

And lastly, thank you camp for giving me the chance to come back this summer and give you even more things to thank you for

Love,

Mariel